Help me decide which kind of wedding to have?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
8862 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

loribee92 :  Every choice involves giving something up to get something else. If you do the courthouse wedding, you might regret not having a bigger traditional one. But if you have the bigger traditional one, you might regret spending all that money on a 6-hour party. You and your fiance are the best people to decide what your priorities are. Is he close with his big family? Do either of your parents dream of a big wedding? If so, do you two care enough about it to pay for it when it’s not that important to you? 

One idea is to flip a coin. Heads = intimate wedding with nice honeymoon, tails = big wedding with budget or no honeymoon. The trick is, it doesn’t matter which side comes up. While the coin is in the air, which side do you HOPE comes up? There’s your answer.

Post # 3
Member
6495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Is your Fiance leaning one way or the other? I would have loved to elope, but a semi-traditional wedding was important to Darling Husband, so I went with what mattered to him.

Post # 4
Member
395 posts
Helper bee

Can you have you cake and eat it too? If you were paying to take the family out after the courthouse wedding wouldn’t that be about the same cash if you did the farmhouse thing with a potluck or if that is not your thing what about a corn roast and hot dogs? Pasta dinners can be done cheaply as well. a pie party might work = make or buy pies savoury and then dessert. Mini pies tarts for appetizer of pulled pork, crab meat, hot spinach dip, chili and butter chicken then Beef, Chicken, Quiche, Tourtiere, for the meal; a variety for dessert with ice cream.

Post # 5
Member
9719 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I wouldn’t have a more traditional wedding if it meant I couldn’t go on a honeymoon. Small weddings always seem so lovely and intimate and courthouse wedding pictures are always awesome. 

I’d do the courthouse and disney honeymoon!

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee

I would not have regretted a couthouse wedding, as that was my preference. Darling Husband wanted a traditional wedding and would have regretted “eloping”. I don’t regret having the big wedding but feel the money could have been spent somewhere else.

Post # 7
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Could you have the big wedding and then save up after the wedding and postpone the honeymoon Disneyworld? 

Post # 8
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do not follow the advice to have a potluck. Unless you live in a very rural area where this is a custom, you do not ask your guests to supply the food for a reception you are hosting to thank them for coming to your wedding.

Just choose what you think best for the two of you in your heart of hearts. As a pp said, you could have regrets with either choice, but if you choose the big traditional wedding for 100 guests, you won’t have a honeymoon. Some of the best weddings I have attended were hosted in a private room in a restaurant- much better food and drink than is usually available at a larger catered function.

Post # 9
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

What do you specifically think you would miss out on about having a traditional wedding? Because I’m doing something similar, just bringing two witnesses to a beach in Malibu, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything even though I was always the little girl who wanted a big wedding. We’re also renting out a beach house as a mini-moon and having dessert there with our witnesses and probably going to the restaurant across the street for dinner though, so maybe that’s why I feel like I’m not missing out.

Post # 10
Member
294 posts
Helper bee

I like the intimate wedding idea. It sounds like that suits your tastes and preferences a lot more.

Post # 11
Member
9580 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

do what feels right to you now–you’re choosing to spend the rest of your lives with one another, so hopefully you know yourselves pretty well.  If you don’t think you’d like a big wedding with no honeymoon, that’ll probably stay true down the line.

At the very least, it’s more likely to be how you feel than the alternative.

Post # 12
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee

Fiance and I are very similar and we had a similar choice to make.

We are lucky enough that we have family contributing toward wedding expenses, so it was a choice between have a very small, very intimate wedding with their contribution + use our own budget for a honeymoon, or add our honeymoon fund to their contribution and have an actually great wedding. In that instance we would have delayed the honeymoon, or done just a simple long weekend away nearby. 

We each spent some time imagining that we had actually decided on one of the options, and sorted through our emotions about it. I realized that I was a LOT sadder about missing out on the honeymoon than I was just having a smaller, simpler, more intimate wedding.

We ARE introverts, afterall. The thought of traveling just the two of us is super exciting, while the idea of being the center of attention at a huge wedding was actually a little anxiety-inducing. 

Post # 13
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

loribee92 :  Have the intimate wedding and splurge on the honeymoon. Not having a honeymoon is something you’ll regret. You won’t regret having a small wedding. But, please make sure your Fiance is in agreement – it’s his wedding too.

Post # 14
Member
26 posts
Newbee

loribee92 :  you should both analyze what you truly want and if either one will leave you with regrets. Then pick the wedding that will make the two of you happiest. You’re not marrying your guest list, your venue, or your honeymoon. You’re marrying each other and your happiness is what you want to remember most about your wedding day IMO. Good luck thinking it through with each other and congrats!

Post # 15
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

Court house and honeymoon. You’re talking about having a small traditional wedding and giving up your one chance at a honeymoon and talk about how you never have real vacations. Or you have a smaller but ultimately still traditional wedding and go on your trip. It’s a no-brainer, assuming the court house plan includes a photographer. 

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