(Closed) Help me! Did i say too much?!!

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

It sounds like she just needed someone to affirm what she already thought.

Good for you for being an honest friend.

Post # 4
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you probably validated something she was already feeling. 

Post # 4
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That is really intense! From the sounds of it you just told her everything she already knew but didn’t want to admit! It sounds like she will be better off in the long run! I hope everything works out for her and her son! Good for you for having the balls to say something…and good for her for not getting mad/pissed/upset with you!

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

whats said is said and you cant take it back but im hoping it was something she was ready to hear at this stage in her life – sometimes we know the truth but need to hear it to see the real situation.  going forward, what i would do is not go on about his faults because you dont know what will happen but be there for your friend.  goodluck, i wish i had a friend like you years ago

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

princess, my friend was with a sperm donor loser and they had a baby. she came from a broken home and didnt want that for her child but as i told her one day, what would you prefer H to say one day, that her parents stuck together because of her and were always fighting or that her mom raised her on her own but she was happy – hopefully your friend will realize how strong she can be and that she and her child deserve better

Post # 10
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sent from my Android

If anybody said anything like that to me about my guy I would tell them to screw off. Years ago I was with an abusive cheating stealing addict and my friends told me how they felt and I stuck by him and lost friends for it. If she, within ten minutes of your conversation kicked him out then you just offered her what she wanted to hear. If she loved him he would still be there. You were being a good friend 🙂

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@MrsStrawberry24: your friend and mine sound similar.  it was tough for me to speak up because he wasnt a bad guy, just not man enough to step up and be a quasi husband and father.

my friend and i have always had the attitude of you love your friend not your friends partner so we were able to be pretty honest once i knew not to personally attack him, i never pointed out his faults but pointed out how unhappy she was and what her goals for herself and her baby were 

edit: he hit her!  i ask the same question to everyone in this situation, do you want their child to be raised thinking hitting women/the mom is ok?

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i would tell her that you love her and her child but you cant love her choice of partner and that you would prefer socials without him, remember you are her friend not her partners so you dont have to be forced to see eachother – this is how it worked with my friends baby daddy, we were always polite but not friends

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