Post # 1
I’ve posted here a few times about specific concerns I had, but I realized just yesterday that it all boils down to the fact that I’m just not excited about my wedding. I’m much more excited about the day after, and the day after that – the marriage, so to speak.
My lovely Fiance wants the wedding – as do my parents, his parents, and my old grandmother across the country is even planning on getting on a plane (she doesn’t travel for anything, so that’s a huge deal). I don’t like being the center of attention, but there’s no way to avoid that when you’re the bride at a wedding – compounded by the fact that there are a ton of big life events happening in both of our families around the same time, and I don’t want to take away from anyone else’s accomplishments and things going on. I know that people are happy for us and want to celebrate with us, but I just don’t feel it yet. And yes – I know my wedding is still well over a year away, and maybe the external excitement will pick up later, but some things still have to get rolling early so I can’t just ignore that this wedding is happening until it’s here (and it’s also not in my nature to procrastinate – that would drive me even more nuts if I left things until later).
I’m not worried about the planning – Because of what I have to do at work, I can plan the patootie out of anything, and as far as everything I’ve read, I’m ahead of the game. But I feel like I’m planning someone else’s wedding that I’m not emotionally attached to. I’m trying to add personal touches that I hope will make me more excited for this event, but none of it is working. I love my ring. I’m really indecisive about dresses – I went dress shopping once and got completely frustrated and confused. And I’ve talked to Fiance about this, and while he’s being supportive of it, he’s at a loss of how to help me too.
So – how do I get excited? Am I weird for feeling like this? Did anyone else have this problem, and how did you get over it? Thanks for your help – I feel like finding this website has been a godsend in terms of helping me out with problems that I can’t admit to anyone else.
Post # 2
I felt the same way. But everyone told me constantly that it will be one of the best days of your life, a day to celebrate and cherish… and of course they were right. We had a year and 8 month engangement so initially I wasn’t very excited but as the months passed the excitement increased. Slowly, I kind of threw myself into everything wedding. Watched movies wedding related, shows wedding related, lots of research on the web about weddings and in the end I am glad I went for it. It’s ok to think about yourself and your Fiance, it’s your wedding afterall and it won’t take away from others accomplishments in the least.
Post # 3
Meh. Not all of us are wired the same way. For some people it is the very best day or their lives. Others have planned it since they were little girls/boys.
My take on this is that for you it’s about the marriage. So make sure to incorporate all kinds of details that will help you feel the transition into that marriage. Whatever will help you feel married… go big with that!
And also maybe lower your expectations about what you SHOULD feel. One feels what one feels and that is the end of the story. Maybe you’ll feel more excited as the wedding day draws nearer and nearer or maybe you won’t. At the end of the day though you will have the wedding YOU want with the end result being that you’ll be married! So maybe focus on that?
I wasn’t really over the moon about our wedding day either (and I was a lucky gal in that my now DH agreed that an elopement/weddingmoon/extended honeymoon was the way to go!), but there were several key details that made me feel “bridal” and “married.” Those were my favorite parts of the day. 🙂
Good luck Bee!
Post # 4
Thanks for your perspectives, ladies. I suppose the other aspect that I didn’t mention is that I’m terrified of walking down the aisle and having everyone stare at me. That, more than anything, is making me less and less excited about this event. If I could have it my way, we would be on our way to Vegas or driving to the courthouse – but I’ve been supremely outvoted on that one. So – I suppose my option is just to buck up and deal with it? I wish I could find the key to unlocking that “bridal gene.”
Post # 5
Don’t feel bad about not feeling a certain way. Everyone asks if I’m excited. I’m excited about being married, not necessarily about the wedding itself. I’m pretty anxious about that part.
The wedding should be about you too. You have plenty of time to figure out will work for you. Think about what kind of wedding you want. Maybe walk down the aisle with your Fiance. Maybe cut out things that draw attention to you. What would help you feel comfortable?
Post # 6
Thanks – I’ve been trying to think of ways to take attention off of me but I don’t feel like I can take away my dad walking me down the aisle. I know that’s important to him. But I am getting rid of the bouquet tossing and trying to figure out a way to make the entrance back in a little more low key than I’ve seen at other weddings. Can I cut the cake cutting? At the very least we’re agreed on not smashing it into each other’s faces.
Unfortunately, the only answer that I can honestly give when someone asks what I want is me, him, a witness, and a judge. But yes, in general, if I could find a way to fade into the background a bit more, I would be a lot more comfortable.
Post # 7
I’m right there with you. I don’t have much of a family and not many close ffiends so a big wedding seems like a silly expense. He wants it though. Argh. I tried to convince him to do the Vegas quickie, we live here after all, but nooooo. We are about 2 months away and it gets more exciting as you go, especially when getting the props it will feel more “real”. I was so happy to buy all the glassware for the candy table the other day. In a way, it’s good to be more relaxed about your wedding, it’s less stress and expectations of others to be perfect is minimal.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
you can absolutely scrap the cake cutting if you want to. My SIL didn’t have a cake and I never even noticed it until we were discussing cake for our wedding and my Mother-In-Law pointed it out. We also didn’t do a grand entrance – it helped that we were taking pictures in the grounds of our venue as cocktail hour was happening so we were able just to slip back in to cocktail hour and mingle with the guests, then went inside to sit down with them all. If you time it right then it can easily work that way.
I was a bit nervous about walking down the aisle with all eyes on me as well – but honestly, I was so focused on DH by that point that I didn’t notice a single person looking at me.
Post # 9
Thanks ladies – this is helping!
I like the idea of just slipping back in after pictures. Definitely will try to pull that one off.
I hope I start getting more relaxed about this. I’m actually extremely stressed out, but not because of planning or anything – because I’m spending too much time trying to figure out how to get out of this hoopla. Anxiety is probably a better way to describe it – my anxiety meter is off the charts right now. But you and everyone else here is helping to quell the storm. Thank you!
Post # 10
I felt the same way. I LOVE being married , but engaged/wedding planning not so much. Honestly, I was anxious about the attention at the wedding but it genuinely was one of the most fun/romantic/amazing days of my life . Your feelings are normal. Like others said, think what will make yu most comfortable or how you can bring parts of yourself into the wedding. <3
Post # 11
I’m confused about why your Fiance is the one who wants the wedding, yet you’re stuck planning it! Man, if my partner wanted the event but not the work, I’d tell him: “Dude, you know what Pinterest is and where we keep the checkbook. Let me know when it’s time for cake tasting!”
Maybe since you’re not excited about attention on you, focus on the parts of the reception that will make your guests happy? That way you can imagine them enjoying the activities, savoring the food, etc., and that could increase your excitement.
But seriously. It’s your FI’s big day here, so I sure hope he’s pulling his weight!
Post # 12
he is helping with the big idea planning but the small details have never been his bag. Part of me wants to drop the ball on it but I can’t do that to him. I like the idea of focusing on everyone else – I’m much better at that! Thanks 🙂
Post # 13
I don’t know whether or not your family lives close by or not, but the thing that got me most excited about my wedding was the fact that basically everyone I like was going to come from out of town to spend time with me and my fiance/husband. Both my brothers lived in different states at the time, and many of my closest friends and relatives lived hours away. I was REALLY looking forward to seeing all these people, but I was worried I wouldn’t have enough quality time with everyone at my reception. I ended up planning for everyone to stay at a hotel the night after the wedding and go to a local theme park together the next day. It was the best thing I ever did, and got me really excited for the wedding because I knew I would get to celebrate with everyone in a stress-free environment. I also ditched any parts of the traditional reception that I thought were a waste of time. (No garter toss, for example, because I don’t like them.) It’s your wedding. Make it what you want.
Post # 14
Unfortunately, my extended family is part of the reason I’m dreading the day. My immediate family and grandmothers are great, but my cousins, aunts, and uncles are another story – typically very judgmental and rude. But I am really trying to focus on making this something that I’ll enjoy – maybe finding a way to give the rudest cousins the wrong directions to the venue! (j/k!!)
Post # 15
It’s not a bad thing that you are more excited to be married than you are to have a wedding. That really is how it should be. So many people get caught up in planning the perfect wedding event that they forget what it’s all about–marrying and planning a future with the love of your life.
I hope you can try to insert some fun for yourself into it–perhaps plan something for yourself and your Fiance every month between now and then, get some photos of the two of you together doing things you love to do, and share those in beautiful frames at the wedding? Something you will have forever that are part of your goal–to have a great life together.
Pretty much everyone has some screwed up family members–you are not alone. The good thing about having bridal responsibilities is they give you an excuse to give a quick hug, a ‘thank you for coming’ and move on!