- Mrs. Puffin
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Backstory for those who haven’t read my posts: Fiance and I are long-distance, both working minimum wage, I moved back home in the summer and I’m just finishing up my undergrad before (hopefully…) I move down to be with him.
I can’t seem to get excited about anything anymore. Every day just feels excruciating 🙁 I dread going to work because I get this horrible empty, lonely feeling when I drive home at night because I don’t have anyone to look forward to (except my cats, don’t get me wrong). I don’t have any motivation for school because I don’t think my BS will even help me get a better job.. I can’t help but wonder if I’m wasting my time. I can’t remember the last time I went 24 hours without crying.
It used to help to exercise, and I just don’t care anymore. It doesn’t matter to me if I’m healthy or unhealthy, chubby or skinny, I just don’t care. Also, last time I exercised I still didn’t feel like eating much.. I’m thinking it’s healthier to not exercise if I’m not eating very much than both exercising and not eating, lol.
I feel like I’ve improved since autumn, but I’ve just become more apathetic. I don’t want to look forward to anything because I’m sick of getting excited and then having it blow up in my face. I also used to feel so good when I was making other people happy, and I just feel so bitter and I don’t feel like doing things for other people anymore.. at all.
I’m just at a loss here. I went to counseling for a while and I dunno, I guess I’m frustrated because I feel like I’m just spewing the same stuff every week, and she just repeats it back to me. There’s no real ‘fixing’ involved! I just wish someone could step in and say “Do this and you’ll be happy.” That’s all. Not much to ask for, right? 😉
I’m in so much pain right now and I can’t bring myself to just buck up and put on a smile. I can’t find it in me to be thankful for what I have because it feels so insignificant compared to everything that I’ve lost right now. And I feel terrible for feeling that way because I KNOW there’s a lot of people going through worse stuff.
Help? 🙁 (and.. please be sensitive? lol!)