- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
We had a beautiful desination wedding. Truly beautiful. Peferct weather, perfect decorations, perfect food and drinks, perfect fun extras But, I was tooo stressed out to really appreicate it. To begin with my fiance wanted to elope but, I really wanted that fairy tale moment. I felt that I never really had that growing up. Love my family but, to say we are dysfunctional is very accurate. Mom has sellfish tendancies, brother and sister don’t speak to her leading to my sister not attending my wedding etc etc. Anyway, fiance gave in to letting me plan the wedding of my dreams. The deal was that I was supposed to keep it simple, small, in the desitination of his choice (no resorts etc) and that I would take on 100% of planning, I agreed and was excited and thankful! However, planning a destination wedding with zero emotional support from family and since we decided not to have a bridal party there was only so much we could ask of friends. By The Way, we didn’t regisgter, we didn’t have an engagement party, I didn’t have a shower – none of those things were important to me. I really didn’t want them BUT, I did want the PERFECT wedding, So, I spent hours uppon hours planning three pre-wedding events (simple rt!). I hired a planner who did a great job executing my visiion but, did very little to bring ideas to the table, messed up the budget and would only communicate by very lengthy time consuming emails etc. It wasn’t easy. None of it was easy.
I felt so responsible for asking people to come to Mexico to celebrate with us that Imade all of our guests my top prioroty – not my fiance. He was already bucking everything because “i was never in the moment with him” I was always too busy, too stressed planning etc.
We decided to share a house with friends in Mexico and host two events at the house, Taco Night and Girls Spa Day. So, I ended up working my tale off for both events (to be fair my friends helped too). But, the stress had lead me not to sleep for over a week before our wedding and I didn’t get any sleep down there – way to much anxiety. I was a mess and too tired and worried to live in the moment. All the stress and Mexico water leads to my fiance getting sick (throwing up/stomach/food poisioning) on our wedding day.
So the Wedding Day comes and I really was ready to let everything go and have the best day of my life and then:
1) Fiance is throwing up and feels awful and is mad that he feels this way on wedding day,
2)Close Friend – Invites everyone over to the house where I am getting married to “cook breafast” and not waste food etc. Adds a lot of stress to me! Afterall, I purchased most of the food and I didn’t care if it was “wasted” jsut wanted a relaxed day. Then asks if she can get a massage instead of being with me to get ready etc. Needed someone to hold my hand and tell me it was all okay and hlep calm me. Just kept adding to my axiety and stress instead.
3) Asked same close friend to help me when fiance was upset. She turned her back on me and walked away. Sure, I was asking for help but, I really didn’t think i was being unreasonable.
4)Same close friend continued to tell me all weekend what a BitcX my Mother was. Not very helpful. Added a lot of stress and made me angry at my Mom at wedding even though she hadn’t done anything to me but, be supportive and great. There’s a lot of history with my Mom so my friend telling me all of these horrible stories added a tremendous amount of stress to me. She also turned her back on me at the wedding itself, refused extra pics that I wanted to take with her and turned down the manicure with me .at spa day that I had already told her I had pre-payed for as a thank you gift for her. Tried to take over the dinner and when I misplaced my purse with $2,000 in it couldn’t find it in herself to give me a supportive word.
5)Fiance did his best to hold up durring wedding. Considering how horrible he felt but, he wanst’ himself and that was reflected in his attitude towards everything. I mean he did really great considering but, it was still dissapointing that he couldn’t dance and just wasn’t able to be upbeat or super excited. I can’t really blame hm given the stress etc and that he really felt 100% terrible. I think he really did the best that he could and we did have a handful of really special moments…ceremony, first looks, first dance etc. I try to hold onto those and not the rest but, at times it’s hard.
6)EVERYONE Had an AMAZING time except maybe us and I feel horrible about it! I Feel like I had my prioroties wrong and that this is a moment I can never get back.
7) I have been wracked by guilt! Serriously – still not sleeping still upset etc
PS- I payed for the wedding and all events myself and was happy to do so. I just really really wanted that happy story book memory. Is that so wrong? Why can’t I just let go of it.
PPS – I am really ryjng to concentrate on all of the positiove things: We are married! I did A LOT of thinking, crying, not sleeping after etc and reflecting and I feel our marriage will be so much better because of it – may not have had this cathartic eye opening experience if things didn’thappen the way they did. I making an effort to change for the better and my husband and I are really happy. He is my priority! Happy Marriage is more important then best one day ever! I’m also really trying to forgive my friend. For every negative hurtful thing she did she also did something really nice. I just didn’t expect her to add stress to me when I was already so clearly upset and in need of help – probably to much to ask of her.
All of this said! Why do I still get sad when I think of our wedding? Why do we put so much pressure on one day or in my case long weekend being perfect? Isn’t there perfection in things not being perfect? Just want to look back on my wedding and be happy and rt now I’m still sad when I think about it.
Part of me thinks I’m crazy.
Any advice thoughts etc would be really appreciated.