- 6 years ago
Hive, I need help! I’m embarrassed talking about this, but figured processing it here will help me get over myself.
95% of the time (maybe more) I’m the one who ends up initating. It wasn’t always like this… I’d say over the past year or so, it’s made this shift.
At one point, I didn’t really mind initiating. DH rarely turns me down, and I figured it was a win-win!
But then, I started getting resentful that I was the one who had to initiate. Self-doubt crept in… what’s wrong with me? am I not desirable? who in their right mind wouldn’t want to have me at any moment? 🙂 etc etc etc.
So, I started playing a game… well, not really a game, but I wanted to see if Darling Husband would initiate if I held back…. and so, I waited, and I waited, and got more upset, and more upset, and it never happened! Our sex life over the course of this experience is in the toliet (I’d say for the past 2 months).
I’ve talked to Darling Husband about this and his take is that it’s not that he doesn’t want to initiate but he doesn’t want to be turned down. I told him I rarely turn him down – BUT – he’s counting in that times when I am unable (like when I’m having my period… and, unfortunately, I’ve been battling chronic yeast infections that also wipe out certain chunks in my cycle). We also do FAM, and he is never sure when my fertile days are (even though I TELL him)- I don’t think he hears… I’ve resorted to putting happy faces on the calendar when we are free and clear.
In any case, I’m back to square one and want to be ok with being the one who initiates. I figure once we get back in some normalcy of frequency, he’ll be more apt to initiate, as he did in the past…. but for now, what can I do? This week, I was so bitter about being the one, I thought about initiating, but did nothing – and, well – that’s how our sex life went too!
For those who are the initiators, does it bother you? And, if it does, how do you get over the fact that it bothers you? Or do you just see the end result, so it makes the frustration of the initiation unimportant?
Any and all thoughts are appreciated.