(Closed) Help me get the bad juju off my ring!

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 31
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

lightpainter:  Yeeesssss. Beautifully said!

Post # 32
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

if I were you, I’d get the ring blessed. If at all possible, right afterwards I’d do something fun with husband (even as simple as bowling or a picnic in a public park) as a way of immediately starting to make memories wiyh the ring, to remind you that it belongs to you and your husband, and not to that woman. (Is bad juju purely imaginary? Well, kind of, but the feelings are 100% real, so when I feel that way, I find that rituals help!)

Post # 33
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Oh! I want to see it too 🙂

Post # 34
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m so glad my words sparked agreement! I photograph weddings and also work for a very high-end wedding venue. My job is to personally attend to the bride and groom and to get to know their family dynamics. It has shocked me how many times parents simply opt not to attend their child’s wedding and I have yet to hear a reason I find valid. Sometimes when I try to plan family photos I have to tell the couple that their divorced parents can suck it up and stand ten people away from one another for a simple portrait. It’s not their day. It is about support and showing love for the couple. I know this isn’t exactly the way I would look at it either but perhaps I should play devil’s advocate and say at least she showed up at all? But on another note I love the inscription idea for the ring! 

Post # 35
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

Lightpainter is spot-on. I actually love the symbolism of this ring for you and your fiancé–she couldn’t see the beauty in him and in it, at least not enough to want to keep them. You see the beauty in both and have given them a good home, which means they are yours in a way they were never hers. 

For what it’s worth, I completely see where you are coming from and get that you are speaking from hurt, not entitlement. I hope you and your fiancé have many happy memories ahead, and that the ring comes to represent those memories to you with time.

Post # 36
Member
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

So sad… I only met one person in my entire life with parents like your DH’s, and it really haunted me, especially since she was so warm and friendly. 

Have you thought of inviting your family/close friends to a ring warming to commemorate your first anniversary? They can hold the ring and make a happy wish. I went to a New Age wedding where that was done with the wedding bands and it was a really lovely experience for everyone. 

Post # 37
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You can’t get rid of it. Your husband has had this woman as his mother his entire life, and whether you like her or not, she’s still his mom. And she obviously means something to him since he gave you a ring of hers as your engagement ring. Who knows, maybe it’s his way of feeling like he gets to maintain a sense of closeness with his side of the family. They sound pretty awful and messed up, but they’re still his family, and I’m sure he still wants to believe they love him. 

That said, I would also not throw down the gauntlet of “they’re dead to me,” especially when you’ve only met them a handful of times. He’s been dealing with them his whole life! Making him choose to cut them out completely just because you decided it seems pretty terrible. Regardless of what they did at your wedding or one dismissive comment about your ring.  

I honestly think that ring symbolizes more to him than you realize. There’s no bad juju on it. Boil it in salt water or bury it in dirt or whatever you have to do, but after that’s done I think you should put it back on your finger as a sign of respect for the man you married, who’s obviously dealt with enough disrespect in his life already. Poor guy.

Post # 38
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You can’t get rid of it. Your husband has had this woman as his mother his entire life, and whether you like her or not, she’s still his mom. And she obviously means something to him since he gave you a ring of hers as your engagement ring. Who knows, maybe it’s his way of feeling like he gets to maintain a sense of closeness with his side of the family. They sound pretty awful and messed up, but they’re still his family, and I’m sure he still wants to believe they love him. 

That said, I would also not throw down the gauntlet of “they’re dead to me,” especially when you’ve only met them a handful of times. He’s been dealing with them his whole life! Making him choose to cut them out completely just because you decided it seems pretty terrible. Regardless of what they did at your wedding or one dismissive comment about your ring.  

I honestly think that ring symbolizes more to him than you realize. There’s no bad juju on it. Boil it in salt water or bury it in dirt or whatever you have to do, but after that’s done I think you should put it back on your finger as a sign of compassion, understanding and respect for your husband, who’s obviously dealt with enough disrespect in his life already. Poor guy.

Post # 41
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

AnonymousForThis:  After reading your story I hate to say this but…. I think you need to talk to your Darling Husband and tell him how you feel.  I’ve always believed that you should talk about your feelings. Do not keep it bottled up inside.  Tell him how you feel and maybe the two of you can go shopping for a different Engagement Ring.  Also, you need to get rid of that ring, I feel like it has so many negative wibes.  Good luck!

Post # 43
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

AnonymousForThis:  Think of it like you are rescuing the ring from that horrible woman! By wearing it, you are giving it the life and love it deserves. She wasn’t worthy of such a nice ring.

Post # 44
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

We want to see this ring!!!

Post # 45
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee

Given how she’s behaved, I think you should be happy she never loved it! Leaves it fresh for you

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