Post # 1
My Darling Husband and I were married at San Francisco city hall on August 21, 2013. They say it takes 14 days until you can request a certified copy of your marriage certificate but by that time we were back in Canada so we had to request a copy online. Now because of the same-sex marriage law change, city hall is insanely busy with marriages. This means that it will take me 8 weeks from today to get my marricage certificate (plus the time to mail it to Canada). So we’re looking at mid-November here!
In the meantime I am starting a new job at a major accounting firm where I will be meeting countless new people and new clients and will need to set up all of my healthcare and benefits and IT stuff.
BUT I can’t legally change my name (and therefore my bank accounts, and drivers license, and health care card etc etc) until I have my marriage certificate so including the time it takes to do all that paperwork it’ll be more like December before I can legally take DH’s name.
So my question is, what am I called now? I changed my Facebook name to DH’s last name asap because I was excited, and I have opened an e-mail account with my married name as well. But when I start work, do I introduce myself as my married name? or my maiden (and still legal) name? I feel like a fraud using my married name when all of my documentation still has my maiden name.
Post # 3
I introduced myself as my married name and changed it on everything that wasn’t “legal” stuff (ie e-mail, Facebook). I used my maiden on all the paperwork junk until my name was legally changed.
Post # 4
@AllieBee12: You can assume his name socially without legally changing it, but I would recommend taking his name in a work setting if the change isn’t legal. You can’t get benefits under a name that doesn’t exist.
Post # 5
@AllieBee12: I literally asked people. I got a new OBGYN a week after we got married, and I said “I don’t know what my name is. What works for you?”
It was a TERRIBLE few months!
Post # 6
@MrsPanda99: But wont it be super confusing/a hassle to be Allie Maidenname for 3 months and then have to change everything (email address, business cards, benefits and CPA paperwork) and tell everyone that now I’m Mrs.Marriedname after Christmas? Is it wrong to have benefits under my married name and just not use them for 3 months?
Post # 7
I think you should introduce yourself with your married name, and ask HR about the paperwork. No one will care if you’re using your married name socially before you are legally–bureaucracy can be insane!
Post # 8
@AllieBee12: I am not saying it is morally wrong, I am saying it might not be legal. I am sure they have dealt with name changes before and it shouldn’t be a problem. To know with 100% certanity, I’d just ask HR.
Post # 9
@BrandNewBride: Haha! I will definitely be doing this in the meantime! I can’t believe my name is going to be in-limbo for so long! For Christmas I’m getting a new name haha!
Post # 10
Talk to hr. Most places will let you go by Mrs Marriedname in terms of email address, but use your maiden name for benefits, payroll etc.
Post # 11
We’re sort of in the same situation as we were married in Sweden – so we got Swedish paperworks stating that we’re married in Swedish… We’ve actually been talking about just going to city hall here for a short legal ceremony on Canadian grounds. Any chance you could do the same and get the marriage certificate faster that way?
Post # 12
It has been over a year since I got married and due to general laziness, I have not changed mine yet. Knowing that I will at some point, to alleviate the confusion at work, I will introduce myself as First Name Maiden Name last Name. That way when I do change it legally it won’t be as confusing.
Post # 13
I had to use my maiden name on honeymoon because that was what all the bookings were in but I know use my married name when referring to myself. BUT…we did receive our marriage certificate the day of our wedding!
Post # 14
Use your married name, and deal with the legalities with HR. My HR wouldn’t change my name on my email or my benefits until I had my social security card (which wouldn’t exactly apply to you, but is a new gov’t ID).
HR should understand if you have a copy of the application for your marriage license. Our state gave us a fancy copy that we could use immediately, like to add him to my benefits since you just have 30 days. The certified copy took longer and that’s what I needed to do everything legally. HR might be totally fine (with proof) with you using your married name and just changing the documentation on their end when you get the official stuff.
I would still introduce myself as your married name, though. You can always do your email signature so people will know who you are if you have to sign stuff with your maiden name:
Susie Marriedname (Maidenname)
Post # 15
No one is going to arrest you for introducing yourself as Mrs HisLastName or changing your email address before your name change is official. I would talk to HR as others have said and ask about how much you can change without having the legal aspect completed yet.
Post # 16
@AllieBee12: I don’t know how the law varies from region to region, but I’m in NJ and my name officially changed when I brought my marriage certificate to the social security office and they changed it in the computer system.