(Closed) Help me manage my jealousy!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

@LaurenK0105:First, not to be negative, but I’d place bets this marriage, his 2nd won’t last either. If a wedding(s) (in this case lol) are all about show, than the marriage is not about what is important, just my opinion. 

Sounds like maybe you are more embarrassed than jealous, which is a good thing, because jealous is not a good thing. I think you might be worried that a lot of people will be asking or commenting when is your time, are you engaged yet, etc., not fun πŸ™ 

You don’t seem to really be complaining about not being engaged her, but more so about the “special boy” in the family. If you are happy with your arrangement in your relationship, than that is all that matters. If people ask, you simply reply, you will be the first to know, with a smile of course and walk away. It will not be an easy night for you, but be happy that you are in an established relationship knowing that what you have will last πŸ™‚ 

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I hear you. It’s hard to watch someone be frivilous about marriage when you’re genuinely wanting to be married for the real deal, not just the spectacle and attention.

All you can do it know in you’re heart that you want to do this for the right reasons. I can almost guarantee everyone else is laughing at how silly this dude is.

Post # 6
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Its ok to feel the way that you do. You are only human. As for you and you SO timing is everything, but the time has to be right for both of you. It will happen!! Keep your chin up πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can totally sympathize with you Laurenk0105. My cousin is the golden child/grandchild in our family (always the center of attention, everything he does is absolutely wonderful, etc) and I have always gotten short-shifted as well. My situation is very similar to yours: been with SO for over 6 years, younger cousin getting married before me, etc. It sucks and it hurts and it doesn’t help when everyone is always asking when you are getting married. Unlike you however, I doubt we will be engaged before their wedding so being there is going to hurt like hell and feel like torture. Keep your chin up, girl. If his first marriage is any indication, I don’t think this one will last.It seems like they are all about the glitz and glamour, not the true meaning of it all.

It sucks waiting but that is why this place is so great, we cna vent our frustrations out with each other and not be judged for them. Hope your proposal comes soon πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Just know that your relationship with your SO is longlasting!

You two will be watching your cousin go through his 2nd divorce while you plan your wedding(soon).

Post # 9
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

@gramgeek: That’s a really negative way to look at it. We know nothing about this guy. We know nothing about the girl he’s marrying. OP says everything is very over the top, and I choose to believe her. But why does that mean that marriage will fail? 

OP, honestly I’m sure you are very embarrassed, but I detect some slight jealousy as well. I don’t blame you at all! But that’s the way you came off to me. You’ll do yourself no favors with your family if you’re nothing less than supportive. And you say you really like this girl? So be happy for them!

Just because you’re not engaged yet doesn’t mean their marriage is a sham. And it doesn’t sound like you’re jealous of the WEDDING. It sounds like you’re jealous of the attention your cousin is getting. Well, and I can’t speak for everyday life and relationships, but HE’S the one getting married. 

At some point you’ll get engaged, and for all you know it could become the LaurenK0105 show! But don’t wish failure upon them. Bad, baaad karma.

Post # 10
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

I understand your jealousy of her to a degree…. it sucks that you’ve been together so much longer and you’re not engaged *YET*  but I do think you should try and be happy for them, however ridiculous it may be.  Family is always there, and what goes around, comes around!  Maybe you could get involved in the whole process and get some practice for planning YOUR wedding??  I think if you befriend her, you will feel better and the jealousy will hopefully dissipate a bit.  And I do hope you have your ring soon, that will make you feel a lot better too!!! hehe πŸ™‚  Good luck sweets

Post # 11
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MissHoneyBun:

Sorry if anyone got offended! I think I was way too casual about posting negative comments! I didn’t mean to come off offensive at all. Was probably a bad joke sorry!

Post # 13
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

*hugs* soon it will be your turn!

Post # 14
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I would be jealous too, but it’s hard to get others excited about you being “boyfriend & girlfriend” when the other guy is inviting everyone to a big wedding bash. I’m sure when yall get married everyone will be super excited for you, too.  Good luck and *hugs*

Post # 15
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Aw that is pretty craptastic.  Maybe the second wedding will give your FH some ideas?

 

Post # 16
Member
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

My BF’s sister’s BIL (confusing, sorry) got married for the first time pretty suddenly a few years back.  Knowing what she did of the couple and of her BIL, she kept introducing the bride as her BIL’s First Wife (without realizing at first it was acknowleding her expectations for a divorce).  Well, she was right.  6 mos. later they were annulled.

I understand it can be maddening to now that your cousin’s seemingly frivolous relationships are the talk of the town simply because they are getting amrried, while you’ve been in a stable, good, strong relationship for over half a decade – it really sucks that the quality of a relationship doesn’t seem to count if it’s not reached the point of marriage yet.  Also, lopsided family preferences are also a normal reason to be upset.

If you can, just sit back and atch the spectical and laugh t them getting excited over what I, and apparently many others, fear will not be a long-live or happy marriage.  I’d be horrified to have a big blow-up wedding, only to soon be divorced.  To me it’d be far better to be together and unmarried but happy with each other than to make a big show of a potential disaster (I hope your cousin got it right this time, but from what you’ve said, I tend to not be the optimist, here.)

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