- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Warning: big long vent.
Fiance and I only see each other on the weekends since he lives about two hours away. Last night, I made a couple of suggestions for things we can do for some of the weekends in the next two months. We don’t do very much because I am in grad school and lots of my experiments run into the weekends. He is very understanding of this, which I appreciate.
So the things I was suggesting included running in a couple of local 5K/10K races, and go wine tasting in Napa. Already we’ve booked a cooking class in October where we learn how to cure bacon and what beers to pair it with. But these were all met with indifference.
Then he tells me that he already has plans to go climbing Labor Day weekend with a somewhat new partner he’s climbed with maybe twice now. It’s not uncommon for him to take off for a weekend to go on climbing trips. He’s taken me several times when I am able to get away from the lab. But Labor Day weekend is a special anniversary because it was the weekend of our first and second dates four years ago. Since then, we have always done something on that weekend. However, he forgot, which is also unsurprising of him. I should also add that I am the one who makes plans for this anniversary weekend.
Now I am upset and for many reasons.
- I don’t feel like he includes me in his plans when he wants to do something fun (i.e. climbing). Yes, most weekends I am busy, but I felt like he assumed that I will ALWAYS say No or I won’t accommodate. He doesn’t give me a chance, so now I feel like he doesn’t want me to tag along.
- Whenever we actually do something fun, it’s always what I consider “his” activity, for example, climbing. Yet if I suggest something else, like going to a play, I get a lukewarm response. Of course, if I suggest one of “his” activities, he has lots of enthusiasm.
- Those above reasons and him forgetting our special weekend made me irrational and I accused him of being selfish last night. I became upset and angry. Then he tried to do right by offering to change his plans for Labor Day weekend and spend time with me. Why is this bad? Well, now I have GUILTED him into doing something I think he should have done in the first place. I had to cry and bitch for him to spend time with me on our anniversary weekend.