(Closed) Help me NOT be a passive aggressive monster

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Um it’s different because i dont have a problem just coming out and saying exactly whats bothering me instead of playing guilt trip games.

Post # 18
Member
15194 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’d be upset too if he just went and planned weekends, especially long weekends, without even asking me if i wanted to do something first or if i wanted to go.  Wait, forget that, I’d be upset he didnt ask me to do something first at all.  A nice long weekend while in a long distance relationship, I do think the Fiance should come frist, not make plans with someone else then see if Fiance can come along.  If Fiance is busy, then can move on to plan B with someone else… unless this was a special event that only happen that particular weekend, then of course there are exceptions.

About him not getting enthusiatic for things that are “his” things… I mean, you cant fault him for that.  All of us will be enthusiatic about things we like, and then just do the ‘other persons’ things because the other wants to.  I’m not a fan of say… skeet shooting, which my husband really wants to get into.. I’ll agree to go a few times, but I wont be all that excited about it. 

Post # 21
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

View original reply
@Elle_Neotoma: your topic is about asking us how to help you not being passive aggressive!!!!!   that’s exactly what i came in here to do.  sorry i didn’t get all into the long detailed story i honestly thought you were looking for advice on how to not be passive/aggressive and that is what i responded to.

just forget it.

oh yea and the guilt trip games was your own words by the way…you said you had guilted him into something and then felt bad about it.  and now you’re going back on that.  

and my post was for msslater

 

Post # 25
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

View original reply
@Elle_Neotoma  sorry i really did have good intentions.  look we all have flaws/insecurities at the end of the day. i certainly have my weaknesses but communication isn’t one of them that’s all.  i just wanted to help give you some perspective on it. 

 

Post # 26
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I get why you would be upset. Do you think possibly he may not see the significance of the anniversary of your first and second dates?

I don’t remember when my first date with DH was. I just never thought it held that much significance. Maybe he didnt realize how important you thought it was? He might have just been excited to go climbing.

Post # 28
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

wooo VERY timely for me this one.

Our anniversary weekend was last week and I was reaaaaalllllyyy looking forward to doing something special. I remided him well in advance so it won’t get screwed over. And guess what!???

A week before our anniversary weekend he informs me that his long distance friend will be in town so naturally they will be going out. I WAS FURIOUS!!! And you know, the same thing as your situation happend. He said he could change plans to spend it with me, and, you know, I felt the exact same emotions as you!

So what happened was I kind of lectured him then decided we could do something very special (now expectations are higher) the week after which is this weekend. Looks like my guy came up with several plans and is keeping it a secret, but he told me where to meet up so now I kind of suspect which restaurant it will be…bummer!!!

Post # 29
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

sorry i guess i’m pretty late on this and I didn’t read all the other responses. but i know the feeling of him getting excited only when it’s something that he likes or wants to do. And you feel like he just does what he wants. well I realized how excited I get to see him so excited about things. I actually love going to do things with him that he likes because it shows his best side and i can tell how grateful he is for having me there by his side during that time. it always ends up to be a good day. Even if I don’t participate I still like to watch him in excitement. So try to think of it that way. If I were you I would go with him. since I do this for him now he has taken me to several things that are up my alley and not his just to make me happy too. I think that’s how it works. If he doesn’t ask you or invite you then maybe just suggest to go too. he may not think that you would want to go…he might be really excited for you to ask that. i hope this helps.

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