Please help me pick my last name!

posted 2 years ago in Names
  • poll: What sounds and looks the best?
    Stephanie Lee : (16 votes)
    22 %
    Stephanie Yang : (5 votes)
    7 %
    Stephanie Lee Yang : (12 votes)
    16 %
    Stephanie Yang Lee : (23 votes)
    32 %
    Stephanie Lee-Yang : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Stephanie Yang-Lee : (13 votes)
    18 %
    Other (please elaborate below) : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    195 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    Agree with the double E sound with Stephanie Lee, so I choose Yang Lee. Why not use both if you’re open to it! 

     

    Good luck 

    Post # 18
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    I like Stephanie Yang Lee for the reasons other posters have stated. But I voted for it with a hyphen because I think that way it’s clear that it’s a last name, not first-middle-last…

    Post # 19
    Member
    2664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    throwawayadvice :  I’m really sorry to hear that, Bee. For me it shows that he’s not a feminist, which would be a deal breaker for me. It’s bad enough having to live with that as a female; knowing everyday that he doesn’t see you as equal to him. Let alone if one were to add children to the mix one day. I would not want any children of mine to be raised with sexist ‘values’. It’s so damaging to both genders.

    I just mentioned your situation to Darling Husband and he said “No respect, no wife. Simple as that”. Darling Husband is indeed a good man but he would agree that expecting a man to be a feminist ought to be standard, not some special prize.

    If your partner knows how damaging this is to you and you’ve already fought over it, and cried, and shown you’re hurt, and he still doesn’t understand…what makes you think he’s going to show you respect in any other aspect of marriage? He’ll go along with things so long as it fits his plans but then as soon as it doesn’t he’ll put his foot down and you have to put up? That’s not a partnership, that’s a dictatorship.

    He doesn’t get to decide your name. You are the one who has to go and sign the papers saying you’re changing your name. We have to give consent. We’re no longer considered property by law.

    It saddens me and gives me a heavy heart to think that you’re being treated with such disrespect with something that doesn’t even have anything to do with him. He’s being selfish and unforgivable in my book. Hugs to you.

    Post # 20
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    howdoyoudo :  +1 to this. I wish I could thumbs up it multiple times.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1151 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I think Stephanie Lee sounds good and is easy but after reading all the posts, I just want you to keep your maiden name because that’s what you want and your fiancé can suck a bag of dicks.  What a jerk.

    Post # 22
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    No one wants you to be oppressed Stephanie. Oppression is not conducive to a happy life. If your future husband is oppressing you, taking his name is the least of your worries.

    Even though I am indulging my bf by taking his name, I would never disagree with the feminist perspective. Way back in 87, at 16, I too started believing all this wedding stuff was sexist crap. If you think long enough about traditions like wearing a veil and being walked by one man to meet another, it is indeed pretty creepy. The whole princess for a day thing is a little creepy if you think about it long enough. It’s not about equality. It’s spending a ton of money to indulge one woman’s fantasy of being special. If that floats your boat, great. Personally, I’m (not feminist!) way too Regan era rebel to be caught dead in a wedding dress, with a diamond ring on, being given away.

    So, feminists, I hear ya. I’d like to issue a friendly challenge to feminist brides to be. If you’re going to talk the talk, walk the walk. Ditch the ring, veil, dress and being walked by one man to join another. Start new traditions where the bride is but one component of the celebration. Stop waiting for proposals with diamonds. That’s him making an offer on you to the world. Decide together to join. Buy rings of equal value together. Feminists like to stand behind one issue, name changing, and wave their flags. Go all the way if you feel so strongly about it.

    Stephanie, if you don’t want his name, just say so to him. Put an end to the conflict by making a decision. He may not like your decision, but he will accept it. If he can’t, then it wasn’t meant to be. This isn’t the last disagreement you’re going to have. But you can learn from it so future disagreements don’t have to hurt as much. Don’t do something you don’t want to do unless he is worth it.

    I’m not going to defend your future husband, but offer a little perspective. Most men are not nearly into wedding details like women are. Caring about details like cushion cut vs. pear, blush vs. champagne and orchids vs. roses does not come naturally to most men. They have to listen to us drone on and on and on about every little detail. They smile and indulge us when they probably couldn’t give a crap less about reception napkins. It goes on for months. They indulge us because they love us. 

    What about their dream? For my man, he wants to see the ocean, with me on one arm and our daughter on the other, all with the same name. That’s literally it. Even to elope to OC like we are, he’s had to listen to endless details about where I’m getting flowers, honey look at this cake, what about this dress. He just smiles even though he doesn’t give a crap lol. And there is going to be 5+ more months of listening to me talk lol. But I’m getting my dream. And I want him to have his too. He isn’t oppressing me. That is silly.

    Compare your dream to his one last time before you make up your mind. If you don’t want to take his last name, tell him and let that be that. Be firm, be kind and start the healing process.

    Have a super day Stephanie and other bees. 🙂

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