This sounds a lot like my last relationship. An older boyfriend, who couldn’t commit, loved himself first always, was set in his ways, was too cowardly to end it because I wanted commitment but he didnt.
It ended. THANK GOD.
He said lots of things to make it sound like it would happen, but actions speak a hell of a lot louder, Bee.
He also started criticising my personality, nit picking and picking arguments about little things – like saying I was a negative person and brought him down, that I didn’t ask him about things he did enough (it was all we ever bloody talked about), that I didn’t have the same drive as him etc – it was all BS but just ways for him to validate to himself that he didn’t actually love me enough / couldn’t commit to me..
Also – this guy is nearly 50 years old – if he’d wanted to marry and have kids by now, I think he would have. Or at least if he really did – he would be decisive and enthusiastic about it and DO IT..
It shouldn’t be such hard work Bee. And honestly, his age and the way he’s acting would be the biggest red flag to me.. Old dog new tricks n all that..
I know you’re panicing right now because of wanting marriage and kids, and your health issues…you are under pressure. But this man child is not the one and will not give you what you want and he is WASTING TOUR TIME – like my ex wasted two years of my time after he realised he didn’t want the same as me..
Please leave this guy. He is a man child and time waster.
Why did his last engagement break up? What is his pattern? Usually that is pretty telling…
ETA – you said you’re with a guy who suffers from “fear of commitment”.
You’re with a guy who DOESNT WANT TO COMMIT – whether that’s generally, or just with you. Given his age, I’d say it’s geberally – he likes the Batchelor Life thank you very much. Like my ex – the perennial batchelor – he doesn’t own a house at nearly 50..? He can’t even commit himself to a house..
You won’t change, or medicate, or pressure, or coax or coach this guy out of his “fear” – because it doesn’t exist.
You’ll also beat yourself up in the meantime trying to change his mind. Life is short for that shit. Move on and find someone on the same page as you.
even taking kids out of the mix – this guy is a batchelor at heart. Don’t try and change him, you’ll only cause yourself heartache in the long run..