(Closed) help me – shall i go on a break or just break it off?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Taking a break or breaking it off?
    Take a break : (7 votes)
    6 %
    Break it off : (101 votes)
    94 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5662 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think you already know the answer to this. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you!! Spend time to enjoy your life and when you meet the man you are supposed to spend your life with, you’ll know it’s right and he won’t treat you this way. look back through your post, this is no way to live your life and not  a healthy relationship!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1478 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    It sounds to me like you need your chance to shine and his baggage that he refuses to let go of is holding you back. Leave him and go do you.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1157 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @milkshakegirl:  First off, sorry you are dealing with this.

     

    Secondly, you and he have a lot of differences.  The stuff about kids and him having a life vs. you being a home body needs to be discussed.  If he wants kids, and you possibly don’t…..you need to discuss this before you get married.

     

    As far as the ex goes.  IMO….I would not be “okay” with her constant interuptions of your life.  If you have told him to block her and he hasn’t, then I would say that is disrespectful of your wishes.  You cannot have a good relationship (of any kind) if there isn’t a solid foundation of respect.  Trust in the next issue, if you cannot trust him…..your relationship will always be in question.  Meaning you will not ever fully accept what he tells you, you will question everything.

     

    I think you need to talk with him.  And tell him the differences you would like to talk about.  And tell him how if makes you feel when he tells you she’s nuts, but won’t block her calls.  Also let him know where the line is, and if he still cannot respect your wishes, then I would say be done with him.  I don’t think taking a break will do anything other than make you question everything more.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    You don’t see eye to eye on how your fyuture together will look, this guy wants kids and you are not even sure if you ever will. Leave him to find someone that can make him happy, the two of you are not a good match.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3687 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Ten years is a big difference — especially the difference between 22 and 32. Most 22 year olds are still figuring out who they are (I was at that age), and it sounds like you’re in the same place. I may get flamed for this, but men who date women so much younger than them send up red flags for me.

    It sounds like the two of you might not have discussed a lot of the important things that a couple should talk about before marriage — specifically whether or not you want to have children. That’s a big thing. There also seems to be a fundamental lack of trust between you — you wouldn’t be constantly snooping in his facebook if you trusted him.

    Post # 9
    Member
    208 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Eh, lady, I think you might have outgrown this relationship.  That doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it, while it lasted…but I think if you stay much longer you’ll hate yourself later.  

    You started dating when you were so, so young.  Anyone who dates someone that young, goes in knowing the risk that the young’un might grow into someone else.  He started dating you as a teenager and it sounds like he doesn’t really mesh with Adult You.  Well, that’s too bad because Teen You is gone.  Outgrowing relationships happens all the time and doesn’t have to be the end of the world…unless you try to stick it out, in a relationship that’s all done – that’s when it gets sour.

    Enjoy coming into your own, and make choices that support new, Adult You!  Good luck!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1691 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @milkshakegirl:  I know this post comes across as me being overbearing and a psycho but I just want someone to respect me the way I respect him.
     

    Ummm I don’t think so.  If I were in your shoes I’d have been a little more psycho than anything you posted, and I’d be gone already.

    Post # 11
    Member
    732 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I would definitely move on if I were you. This is not because of anything he did, but because your post sounds like you are trying to convince someone why you should leave. You listed all reasons to go and no reasons to stay. To me that means you have already decided what you want to do. If you are not ready to get married and you don’t envision the life you want with him, then I think you will be happy to leave and start yourself off with a clean slate. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1251 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    Leave.

    I’m not saying this because of the age difference (I am 20 and Darling Husband is 30 so our age difference is also 10 years), but because you have nothing in common. Darling Husband and I share values and goals and are both on the same track with the way our lives are. We are also about the same when it comes to social situations; we don’t like partying and don’t go out much (except for dates).

    In terms of life goals, he says he’s pictured me meeting him at the airport as his wife with kids running up to him, happy to see their daddy and husband. The loyal, devoting wife idea just isn’t my goal in life and I don’t want children for a VERY long time… if ever.

    If you don’t have this goal in common, you need to leave. It’s unfair to both of you to stay in a relationship that is so incompatible.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1447 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think you’re overbearing or psycho at all!   I really understand what you’re going through, I had a similar situation with an ex except he had a crazy female coworker who was nuts about him.  Actually, she & I were friends first and then I met my EX through her at her house party.  Even though she had a boyfriend, and she kept telling me my EX was a player and I shouldn’t date him, when we officially became bf/gf she went crazy.  She would call him constantly, told him awful mean lies about me, and would try to sneak over to our house when I was out of town (we lived together).  I had several serious talks with him about her and how she was trying to ruin oir relationship with her jealoisy, but my EX loved the attention he was getting from her.  He told me that he cut-off contact with her and was only “nice” since they worked together but I caught him talking to her on the phone behind my back, found text messages from her asking him if she could come by to have a drink with him since I was out with a friend, etc.  It got so bad that I began to be suspicious about EVERYTHING, and I swear I felt like she was everywhere.  Looking back on it, I don’t know HOW in the heck I put up with so much stress & anxiety for so long.

    Do yourself a favor and STOP trying to “understand” what he’s going through.  Your first priority has to be about loving yourself and taking care of you with the utmost care!  If you’re super loyal as you say above (I’m the same way – very loyal), than the only type of man you’d be truly compatible with will be a man who is just as loyal and very protective of you.  When you’re with him, you should feel like there is No OTher woman out there, that you are his #1 priority and he’ll climb the highest mountain and dive into the deepest ocean to do anything to make you happy.  

    My Fiance now, if he knows something makes me feel upset, bad, anxious, etc. his first reaction is to do whatever he can to make me happy because it hurts/saddens/upsets him to see me upset.  Of course, I do the same for him and would go to the ends of the world for him. 

    It doesn’t matter how much you love him, no man or relationship is worth you sacrificing your needs (for loyalty & trust) and well-being, hoping he’ll someday change and things will get better.  If you really want to hold onto this relationship, than the best thing you can do is let it go and let him MISS you and make all the changes on his own first.  If you stick around hoping your support & love will help him, it’ll only be reinforcing bad behavior and I guarantee he’ll continue to emotionally cheat on you with his crazy ex and/or some other girl you’ll one day discover just like his ex.

    ((HUGS!))  

    Post # 14
    Member
    3692 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    The stuff with him not leaving exes behind would be enough for me to break up with him.  There’s also the fact that the two of you just sound incompatible with each other.  If one person wants kids and the other doesn’t, I don’t see how it can work.  There’s no middle ground on that.  

     

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