(Closed) help me sort out my feelings on this? FI wants to club& stayout all night

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10574 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Why is there an event?  Is it someone’s birthday or bachelor party (just because his is over doesn’t mean he won’t have other ones to go to!).

I wouldn’t have a problem with my Darling Husband going out.  I would prefer it to not be last minute though, especially since I don’t see him during the week most of the time.  Darling Husband wouldn’t have an issue with me going out though.

I think you need to have a discussion with him.  There can’t be a double standard, as that leads to resentment in a relationship IMO.  If he’s able to go party with friends, then he needs to let you do the same if one of your friends has a big celebration.

Post # 4
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Leemarie:  I’m not completely sold that going to a club means that he’s hanging out with a bunch of single chicks either.  It’s abnormal behavior for him so you’re rader is now tweaked.  I wouldn’t make any assumptions of him or his motivations, I really wouldn’t.  But I also wouldn’t care if my husband goofed off all night and came back the following day.  In fact, he does when he hangs out with his best friends who live out of town.  Maybe it’s to cheer up the friend?  Doesn’t mean shady things are going on….but you also shouldn’t ignore your instincts.

Post # 5
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If it was two weekends in a row I would be annoyed but I would let it go.. as long as its not happening all the time I think its ok

Post # 7
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you should try to compromise here. There’s nothing wrong with an occasional night out with friends and clubs don’t necessarily equal meat markets.

Before you talk to your Fiance, you need to spend some time thinking about what the real issue here is. Is it that you feel there’s a double standard about going out? Is it because your jealous of him having a good time with friends? Is it because you’re insecure about him spending time with a divorced friend in a club full of single women? etc etc

Once you figure out the underlying issue, explain it to him and make sure you clearly tell him how it makes you feel. Try to find a way to make you both happy if possible. For example, you could agree that he goes to the club with his friend, but not spend the night.

Post # 9
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Leemarie:  i agree with PP why is there an event? if it was just for shits and giggles i might be annoyed but if it was for a reason then no. Also you need to support your friends regardless of relationship status so if his friend is going through a seperation it shouldnt mean that he shouldnt go out with him because the respect for boundries is gone.(who said its gone?)

I would never think of staying out all night, and couldn’t even imagine asking him that-Id be scared!

this line worries me. you shouldnt be scared of your partner

Post # 10
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

I’d be a little sad he’d be gone all weekend- but only because I would miss him. I don’t see a huge problem with him going out and spending a whole night/bbq the next day with the guys if you completely trust him. My SO wouldn’t care if I did that either, except that he would miss me too. We like doing almost everything together.

I would be happy that he would be crashing at a friends house rather than driving, anyways. Especially if he is going to drink and he doesn’t usually- he will have a low tolerance. Just ask for a back-up number of one of his friends or ask him to text u first thing in the morning so you know he’s alright.

If you feel like something fishy is going on, that’s another story though. 

Post # 11
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Leemarie:  I can understand that, but I think you may need to work on changing your expectations. Marriage really only means what you and your Fiance decide it does. Every marriage is different and all that matters is that it works for both of you. If your main reason for not liking this (or anything) is because it’s not what married people do, you should try to recognize that it’s not really valid or necessary to restrict him from doing things that you both would be okay with except for the fact that you’re married.

Post # 12
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

So he wants to go and party all night and the next day while you stay home and watch his kid?  Uh-uh.   Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.

Post # 14
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Leemarie:  But clearly this time it is him because he wants to go. Going to a club once doesn’t mean he’s going to go all the time. Maybe you should talk to him about this and find out why he really wants to go. Once you understand why it matters to him, maybe it will be easier for you to accept. You can also let him that you understand why he wants to do it this time, but you’re not comfortable with it becoming a regular thing.

Post # 15
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@strawbabies:  Second this! If this is how he wants life to be you need to have a chat now! He isn’t marrying a babysitter so that he can go relive his youth and party days. Now I am not opposed to going out for a good time every once in a while, as in rarely, but if this is going to become a regular thing I’d talk to him about it. Find out if this is something he plans on doing regularly.

Post # 16
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Leemarie SO, are you saying you are uncomfortable with this situation because it is out of character for him? He wouldn’t normally do this? These “friends/divorced friends” are a bad influence?

The topic ‘help me sort out my feelings on this? FI wants to club& stayout all night’ is closed to new replies.

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