(Closed) Help me to understand money showers…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What do you think of showers were money is requested/preferred/appreciated?
    Tacky : (88 votes)
    83 %
    I'm okay with it : (7 votes)
    7 %
    There's nothing wrong with it : (9 votes)
    8 %
    Other - please explain : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    496 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I understand where your coming from. I do think it’s a bit tacky to put that cash is preferred on an invitation. It doesn’t bother me, but I see what you mean. However, I’m not opposed to people registering for gift cards at a store.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I agree, it’s tacky.  The main event at a bridal shower is watching the bride open her gifts.  That’s going to be both boring and awkward if all she has to open are a bunch of envelopes full of cash.  If she truly has everything she needs for her home, and doesn’t want upgraded linens, kitchen stuff, etc., she should not have a shower, the purpose of which is to get set up for married life.  Or have a themed shower (recipe, stock the bar, lingerie, etc.).

    Post # 5
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    While I think specifing what gift would be appropriate on any invitation is impolite. 

    And showers are meant to be for physical gifts, and that if someone doesn’t want to receive them, that they should without doubt not have a shower. 

    But I would just decline to attend a money shower.  I don’t like them, and won’t support them.  I keep my views about them to myself (and anonymously on the internet).

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @andielovesj:  This.

    @sailor:  Ewwww I really don’t want people watching me open gifts. I hate doing this at any other gifty holiday, I would really hate being the only one opening a bunch of crap.  Yuck-o.

    Post # 7
    Member
    776 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You can’t tell people how to love you, and by requesting money you’re making those people who want to give you a personal gift feel kind of disrespected because you’re basically saying “I don’t want your gifts, I only want your money.” I really don’t like it.

    @vorpalette:  I also hate people watching me open gifts.. makes me feel awkward, and my cheeks hurt from all the forced awkward smiling.

    Post # 8
    Member
    8394 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    If you don’t want physical gifts I don’t think you should have a bridal shower. Just asking for money is rude IMO.

    Post # 9
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @sanjessica:  “OH THIS IS GREAT THANK YOU FOR GETTING ME SOMETHING THAT I TOLD YOU I WANTED.”

    Or, even worse:

    “OH THIS IS GREAT THANK YOU FOR COMPLETELY IGNORING MY REGISTRY AND GETTING ME THIS LOVELY VELVET CLOWN PAINTING.”

    Post # 10
    Member
    5242 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Asking for money is rude no matter how you put it. If you dont want gifts dont have a shower….the gift part is the whole part of the shower not to go and get envelopes full of money. I also find it extremely rude when people write “monetary gifts only” on there wedding invitation.

    Post # 11
    Member
    776 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @vorpalette:  hahahaha oh boy.. I am not looking forward to that. Because my Fiance and I are from very different cultures, we’re having the BMs open the gifts and lay them out so people can see them, but that way nobody feels uncomfortable if their gift cost less than someone else’s. I’m sure that will annoy someone but seriously you just can’t please everyone.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO @wbee1221:  first and foremost… I see this is your first on WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

    === === ===

    Hear, Hear !!

    I couldn’t agree more.

    This topic comes up often enough… and sadly, there are some who will argue that they are blue in the face that there is nothing wrong with ASKING FOR / REGISTERING FOR Money if that is what they truly want

    Like yourself, I highly disagree

    Weddings are meant to be joyous memorable events… for both parties…. the couple and their Guests

    If one is made to feel uncomfortable or awkward in that they are seen only to be a “means” to an end goal of accumulating stuff… be it gifts, but particularly so wealth… then that is missing the entire point of what a Wedding really is about.

    There should NEVER be any emphasis put on the Gift Getting aspect whatsoever.

    As the old saying goes “Your presence is present enough”

    How the world has gone from a Grateful & Gracious Bride & Groom to a Demanding couple is beyond me

    (And yes this can also be reflected in Regular Registries as well… where there are items listed in the $ 1000s of dollars… like Furniture, Big Screen Tvs etc)

    Never mind the posts we’ve seen on WBee where the comment has been made (more than once, by many a NEW AGE Bride) …

    “Just give me CASH it is what I want… any other JUNK you give me is gonna end up at Good Will anyhow”

    YIKES !!

    Talk about ungrateful and non-gracious

    Somehow the pure joy of having things chosen with LOVE and the idea that they might serve you well for the next so many years has been lost on some.  Which is sad, because I have great memories from my showers that I had 30+ years ago (and still have many of the not terribly expensive gifts I was given back then… kitchen gadgets, cookbooks, and such).

    YES, still here all these decades on, I still reflect everytime I dig out a particular well known Canadian Cookbook that the Guest stood in line no doubt for a time, to have it signed for me by the author.  And it is those little gestures that mean so much (and of course the cookbook is awesome… I refer to it often.  Now quite dog-earred… but also filled with loving memories of meals made, food soiled pages… and countless recipe clippings stuffed between its pages as well).  It is a LIVING piece of family history… and money alone cannot buy or replace it.

    My personal opinion these days, is I WILL NOT attend a “Grab Fest” Shower.  I only go to the traditional kind where there is a theme, and “bring whatever fits the theme” message expressed.  Happy to see you, receive you… and pleased you brought a gift is what I am hoping for as a guest.

    It looks like many a Bee agrees with me… young and old.  So maybe the key is in our standing up to not attend.

    Lol, which in the end is a HUGE loss for the Bride… because I am an ideal Guest… I’m your Wonderful Aunt – your Neighbour Down the Block – or your Ex Brownie Pack Leader… who would surprise you with a very generous gift.  Solely because I LOVE Weddings, and happy couples, and people who know good taste, and have fine manners, and have come to realize that sometimes Wedding Traditions are really quite nice to wrap ourselves in… even for a brief moment in time, because they are the stuff that “binds” one generation to the next, and families together, and takes a gal from a girl thru to a woman in a whole other way… with a role in society that many women no matter how independent… truly cherish.

    And that the time in the transition from Girlfriend, thru to Fiance, Wife and Newlywed is truly precious, and special.  And so are some of the traditions that surround that change over… so much so that you can connect more closely with the women around you… be they the Aunt, the Neighbour or the Brownie Leader.  Because we have a shared “experience” in this all be we 30 or 80.  Being able to remember what it is like to be so in LOVE and about to marry… and have so many dreams come true in one day.

    Again stuff that transcends time, space or money.

    IT JUST IS.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    8472 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think money showers are extremely tacky.  If you are supposed to be “showered with gifts,” then I see no point in having one if you cannot accept a gift.

    Everyone could use SOMETHING from a Bed Bath & Beyond, or Macy’s, or Khol’s.  Nothing ticks me off more than reading “but we have lived together for years now and have everything we need.”

    Post # 14
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Personally, I think all showers can be considered a tacky ploy to get gifts.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    9578 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’ve never really seen a money shower…so I guess I don’t understand it.  Since half the point of the shower is to watch them open gifts, how do you do that with checks and cash?  I really don’t care if someone states they want cash for a wedding gift but I think it’s weird to have a shower if you just want cash.  If you don’t need anything for your home or to start your life together you probably don’t need a typical shower.

    If they just want to have a party to celebrate the bride maybe a different theme would be better.  Like a stock the bar or wine party (get the bride/groom wines/liquors) or lingerie shower or..something else.  A recipe party (everyone brings they favorite recipe), etc.  I think a bride should be able to have a pre-wedding party even though she has a most of the household items she needs…but the cash focus is a little strange to me for a shower.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @vorpalette:  ahahaha… dying laughing. in totally agreement.

    The topic ‘Help me to understand money showers…’ is closed to new replies.

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