- 3 months ago
Hey guys. I’m wondering if you could help me shed some light about what is going on with my sister in law (husbands brothers wife) because I’m currently feeling a little sad and resentful. Backstory: Brother-In-Law and SIL have been trying to get pregnant for two years with no success. They have been decently open about it – the fact that it is unexplained and how long they have been trying. I haven’t asked for any details because I don’t feel like it’s my business. Anyway, eventually my husband and I decided it was time to expand our family and try for a baby. We did not tell anyone we were trying and when we did announce it at 10 weeks we made sure to NEVER mention it happened on first try. We didn’t even tell BIL/SIL. We told my husbands parents who delivered the news to them. Next time we saw Brother-In-Law and SIL, Brother-In-Law gave a nice congrats but SIL has been openly hostile ever since. Like hostile hostile. Told me I announced too early “and I don’t know what might happen”. Told me about all the ugly stretch marks I would get. How much labor is going to suck. I won’t be the “skinny sister” anymore. These are just to name a few that have happened over the course of my pregnancy – I am now 7 months pregnant. My husband and I plan on being one and done and when she found that out she said “what’s even the point then?” I guess if you don’t desire multiple children why have any at all.
Anyway, fast forward and she announces her pregnancy at six weeks. I am truly happy for her because I know how much she wanted this. However, she’s gone back to treating me normal and wants to hang out and talk about baby stuff. Only now the roles have reversed and I don’t want to because of the way she’s treated me over the past several months. I know her hosility and lashing out was because she was in pain but I don’t feel like that excuses her poor behavior. I never shoved my pregnancy down her throat – if anything I refrained from talking about it like I wanted to because I knew it would cause her pain – but now that she gets what she wants (a baby) we can resume as normal. I just feel like she’s being a hyprocrite and I’m struggling to want to be around her. She’s done a complete 180 and now wants my company when previously my presence was upsetting to her and any baby talk would send her into a hostile rage. But since she’s pregnant she can talk about babies now? I guess I just need advice. My feelings are hurt. Meanwhile she told me I was hurting her feelings for not asking about the baby/how she is doing despite during my entire pregnancy she’s never asked me those things once! Is this a relationship worth salvaging? I know my hormones are making this worse but I am just finding it so frustrating that now that she is pregnant all the things that we weren’t allowed to talk about we suddenly are now. Currently my plan is avoidance and I know I’m being passive aggressive but I can’t help it. She can handle seeing me/talking about babies/etc now but if she hadn’t gotten pregnant I would still be treated how I was previously. How do I move forward in this because I do want our children to be close but my feelings are also very hurt and I’ve seen a side of her I can’t unsee and I don’t know if I want a person like that in my life.