(Closed) Help me understand . . . why do they wait after they have the ring?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You need to take a breath and let it go. Just because they have the ring doesn’t mean they’re ready. Almost, but not quite. There are also other factors that go on in their head. Where? When? What do they say? Do they get on one knee? Does she want a big production or something small? What if I do it and she hates it?<br /><br />Men have A LOT of pressure to propose, and even MORE to do it “right.” I doubt it’s because it’s not burning a hole in his pocket, but more he has to figure out how, when and where, and get over the pressure to be perfect.

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Post # 3
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He’s probably planning for the right situation to propose. Let it play out :).

Post # 4
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My guess is he’s planning something or is waiting for the perfect moment.  Be patient… it’s on its way ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
10416 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

My DH told me that: 1) it was the biggest decision of his life, something like that takes time (even when you have a ring), 2) the first question everyone asks is, “how did he do it!?” and he knew he needed to deliver, and 3)even though he 100% knew I would say yes he was still really nervous!

Post # 6
4065 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Even though it seems like torture now, try and relax. You know it’s coming.. Now it’s no longer if he’s going to propose but when. My Fiance waited about 2 months after he had the ring. He said he wanted it to be on a completely random day that I wouldn’t expect. He also said it took him forever to peel apart faux rose petals for his little set up. Try and enjoy this time.

Post # 7
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Yeah you need to simmer down a bit. maybe he has something else planned that you didnt see the arrangements for. if you never seen that email would you still be questioning his motives and how he feels about you? probably not so best take a chill pill itll happen on his time

Post # 8
1554 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
AM1203:  Take a deep breath.

My best mantra for the “he has the ring, but hasn’t popped the question” is to just let him be romantic. Give him the space to ask you in the way he wants to ask you, in the place he wants to ask you, and how he wants to ask you.

Maybe he’s been planning something special.

Maybe he’s just waiting for the moment that feels right.

Maybe it’s totally burning a hole in his pocket and he wants to just come home from work and ask you without any planning, but realizes that he’s always thought of having a bit more circumstance to it, and needs to wait for the plan to fall in place?

My husband had the ring for about a week. He didn’t have a particular plan, but he knew how he wanted the moment to feel. He kept wanting to just propose to me already every moment. He nearly proposed to me in the middle of Newark airport on our way to our vacation because he wanted to be greated by the rest of my family as an engaged couple, but he held off because he didn’t want for Newark to be our memory. In the end, he proposed in the perfect place, at the perfect time, and it was just right.

So whether he has it for a day or a week or a month, it doesn’t matter.

Post # 9
220 posts
Helper bee

I don’t know!!  But I have heard of men who’ve had rings for months before proposing! I think it might be a male-female personality thing in that most men I know have the “compartmentalization” ability i.e. they can separate all aspects of their life and work through them independently of all others.  So if they’re fighting with their girlfriend for example, they’re still perfectly able to sleep soundly, work efficiently and watch a game with the guys without thinking about the fight.  Women on the other hand, tend to think about the fight nonstop and can’t sleep, can’t work etc until it’s resolved (massive generalisation I know, but I think there is something to it).  So he could be the same with the ring.  He hasn’t worked out the perfect proposal yet and so until he has the time to do so, he’s not thinking about it 24/7.

Also – does he know you know about the ring?  Cos if not, then he’s coasting along, under no pressure to figure out his proposal plan and you’re going crazy!  Arrgh – it’s annoying I know but look, he has the ring.  He’s definitely going to propose.  You can chill out and just take things easy and look forward to it because no doubt he’ll do something lovely ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
AM1203:  my Fiance had my ring for 2 months before he proposed. Of course, I had no idea the ring even existed. But, he also took me on an awesome day trip that was planned about 2 months in advance (he owns his business, time off is hard to come by) that he had actually planned as “the day”. He told me just the other day how hard it was (totally burning a home in his pocket lol). Checking on it everyday, getting excited and sometimes even wanting to say screw the plan. I’m glad he held out though, my engagement was perfect.

Post # 11
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I had all the same feelings that are running through your mind. And I know it’s impossible to be patient. my Fiance  had the ring for a month, and he knew i knew he had it. He kept saying he wanted it to be the right moment. Something that really helped me was that i remembered the wedding is more about the bride, me, but the proposal, that’s about him and the moment he gets to plan. Even if they know the answer is yes they still get nervous. Just know it WILL happen!

Post # 12
2504 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
AM1203:  You should be stoked! He bought a ring! It’s going to happen ๐Ÿ™‚

A guy knows you’ll most likely share the story with everyone of how he did it. So they like to do something to make it special. Maybe this requires waiting for an anniversary, a trip, or even just a Saturday, or a sporting event. You don’t know! That’s the beauty of a surprise!

In my case my Fiance had the ring by November but wanted to propose on Christmas. He didn’t propose until Christmas evening because he wanted it to be romantic (with the Christmas lights in the dark, the fireplace, etc). I wondered why he didn’t just put it in my stocking and do it first thing in the morning!

But he had a certain way he wanted to do it and you have to let him have that ๐Ÿ™‚

Even my Fiance was nervous when he KNEW I’d say yes and we had been together 8 years!

Post # 13
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Let your guy have his moment! My fiance held onto my ring for almost a month waiting for a weekend trip to Austin, supposedly to see my best friend, so he could propose at the park where we had our first date (a picnic).

The night before we got engaged, somehow, his ex came up and he mentioned she got engaged the weekend before. I was furious about how she was still in love with him wanted them to work things out and get back together when we started dating and here she is already engaged and he was just taking his time and dragging me along! Little did I know he’d picked up the ring weeks ago and I’d be wearing it in less than 24 hours. He said numerous times during that talk how much he was looking forward to the weekend and how we have a great thing and I don’t need to worry. 

Bottom line: relax and let it happen. ๐Ÿ™‚  Don’t stress over when. This is the moment he gets to shine and even if he knows you’re going to say yes, he’s probably very nervous about it. 

Post # 14
594 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
AM1203:  I’ll probably catch some flack for this, but for me, the surprise proposal was *not* worth the wait. I never wanted a pricey ring or a proposal at all! It was my partner who insisted on that. Seeing him so happy was the part that was worth the wait. Waiting was miserable for me – nothing redeeming about it.  When I hear people say, “Enjoy this time”, it still sounds like telling someone to enjoy being waterboarded – waiting was such an excruciating, insecure time for me. Marriage is  all about compromise, though, so I did something that was unpleasant for me in order to make my partner – my best friend – happy. It helped me a lot to see it as “taking one for the team”.

Post # 15
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
AM1203:  At least your SO is taking his time to most likely do a good job. My Fiance confessed that he ordered the ring about a month before, then completely forgot about picking it up at the jewelry store. Then my birthday rolls around and he’s planning to take me out,and on his way home from work he remembers….”Oh right I guess I’d better go get that ring”. Then he pretty much wings the proposal with little planning on where/when. *sigh* It turned out romantic due to chance mainly. 

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