(Closed) Help me with our guest list (to avoid drama/feuding)

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Which guest list should I go with?
    25 - immediate family and closest friends only : (11 votes)
    58 %
    44 - include the aunts and uncles .... to appease his parents : (8 votes)
    42 %
    80+ - include the cousins and grandchildren ..... to appease his feud-ready extended family : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    362 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Can you just have an immediate family only wedding/reception and then have a more casual reception at a later date or bbq come summer? Do what makes you happy!

    Post # 4
    Member
    595 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    i started the guest list elimination process, wich is not really confortable but is what you really want to do!

    1 take out the people you really havent have contact with in more than 1 or 2 years (no family)

    2 no kids

    3 no wedding providers,bridesmaids friends, or friends of friends

    4 select only the ones you really want to celebrate with you, special people.

    good luck

    Post # 5
    Member
    1871 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I say, if it’s a slippery slope, which it sounds like it is, and the place maxes out at 25, then you can’t accommodate the aunts and uncles. I think if you talk to his parents and say, “Look, we can only have X guests because of space requirements,” they’ll deal. 

    A casual get-together sometime later is a good compromise. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee

    His parents already got to have their wedding, now it’s your turn.  People who get upset you’re having the wedding you want, not the one they want you to have are selfish.  Have you talked to his parents about wanting an intimate wedding?  I had a similar situation and was surprised how receptive our parents were to keeping the wedding small.  Some extended family did take it personally and have since crossed us off their Christmas card list, but they’re also the kind of people who thrive on creating drama so I’m not too crushed.  It’s your day, do what makes you happy…you won’t be able to please all of them anyway.

    Post # 8
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee

    Sheesh, in-laws are such fun.  If your Fiance wasn’t a part of that conversation with his parents I’d say it’s time for him to try to run interference.  If they’re not “getting it”, I think you guys may just have to be really direct about what inviting the extra folks will mean and how important the venue is to you both.  Whether it’s your Fiance explaining to them that inviting their guests puts you two in an akward position of choosing between the wedding you two want & making them happy… or directly asking them “is it more important to you that we invite your siblings than we have the wedding at the venue we want?”, I think you guys are going to have to bite the bullet and have a very direct conversation.  Limiting your guests to immediate family and close friends is not unreasonable.

    Post # 9
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee

    Have you explained to your parents in detail everything that you stated here? I can’t imagine that your parents would WANT to cause a feud, and to invite all 80 people would dramatically change the wedding you planned for (as well as the cost!)

    The topic ‘Help me with our guest list (to avoid drama/feuding)’ is closed to new replies.

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