Post # 1
Here’s a super brief summary of the situation: Fiance and I are getting married next February and were planning to pay for the whole thing ourselves. My parents graciously stepped in and offered us X amount to help out. Soon after, FI’s mother told him that she’d love to “cover the flowers or something”, and Fiance told her I wasn’t planning on doing flowers… and he can’t remember how the rest of the convo went but basically he told me that she wanted to help out in some way.
Well, it is time where we really need to get a budget and know what is coming from where. As we didn’t expect anything from his mom we are SUPER grateful that she is offering to cover something/anything… but we kind of need to know what exactly she is planning! Fiance is uncomfortable asking her for specifics… mostly because he is a boy and he just doesn’t like talking to family about money. I’m better at it and told him I wouldn’t mind writing her a nice email and he said that would be great. So, here is my lame attempt at writing an email to find out what it is she is offering us. Basically… I’m trying to get the info without sounding greedy/weird/pressuring her/etc. My email starts with some pleasantries and thanks her for a gift she sent, then I have this:
“Also, I wanted to touch base with you about our wedding budget. We found a venue that we really loved this weekend, and I think that we’re going to book it in the next week or two. Their website doesn’t have great pictures of it, but this blog post I found shows it off pretty well http://blog.emilieduncan.net/site-visit-the-loft-at-smith-brothers/ . Since this is the biggest item, when we got home from our visit we decided to sit down and try to hammer out a full budget to see exactly what we can afford to do. *** mentioned that you had said you might be able to help us out a little, although he couldn’t remember exactly what you had discussed. Its so nice of you to offer to help considering that you’ve got your own wedding to throw this year! I just wanted to check in and see if you had any idea about what you’d like to do. I wasn’t sure if you had some amount in mind that you just wanted to give us to add to our budget, or if there was something specific you’d like to contribute to or cover. Obviously we’re grateful that you’re able to help out at all and we really weren’t expecting anything, so whatever you have in mind will be great with us! We just wanted to get some idea of what to expect so we can start firming up our budget and get into the swing of our planning. Let me know, whenever you have a chance.”
Does that sound ok? I’m probably over-thinking it because I don’t know his mom very well and I really want her to like me. 🙂
Post # 3
I think it sounds really good! I think you are just overanalysing. At least she knows that it is coming since she talked to her son about it.
Post # 4
I think that your letter is so perfect! You asked in a very polite way that doesn’t sound demanding at all…you show how grateful you are and acknowledge how generous it is…..send it! 🙂
Post # 5
I think it sounds great. Thats very sweet of her to offer!!!
Post # 8
yay! thanks for the reassurance. I felt like it was prob ok but money is just such a touchy awkward subject!
Post # 9
OMG! We are in the same boat! I neeeed to know what our budget is and FH is totally not taking the reigns and asking his parents what they’ll contribute. It’s basically the same situation since FH has always been financially independant and has never need handouts. I was thinking maybe an email would work too but she doesn’t check her email often. Hmm! Anyway your email sounds great! It’s very polite!
Post # 10
I’m a MOB and if I received this e-mail from my future daughter in law I wouldn’t be offended or think it was weird or greedy. You are asking in a tactful way what she was considering in contributing to the wedding…so click ‘send’ and don’t worry about it! Hopefully, you will get more help than you expected!
Post # 11
agree with everyone here, excellent letter.
Post # 12
Your message sounds great! Very straight forward and polite. Have you considered maybe having a phone conversation with Future Mother-In-Law, though? I’m wondering if maybe she can hear your enthusiasm about the venue, she’ll receive the message better? I always worry about corresponding over the Internet about potentially touchy subjects, money especially. Just a thought. 🙂 Good luck with it and please do know I think you did a fab job on composing your email!
Post # 13
I agree with the pp who suggested calling vs. emailing if possible. It s a great personal touch and the enthusiasm and sincerity will come across more so on the phone versus in an email. If that isn’t an option, I’d go ahead and send the email.
Post # 14
Oh, I’d feel way too awkward saying this in person, so I say the email is perfect!
My Future Mother-In-Law is a little intimidating sometimes, though.
Post # 15
She might be surprised hearing from you about this, since all the previous convos have been between her and her son…
Could you maybe draft the letter so that your Fiance could send it to his mom? Money is so touchy… I’d hate for this to create tension between you and your FMIL!
Post # 16
Yeah that’s pretty much perfectly written. You’re a great fiancee though… I’m pretty sure that I would force my guy to talk to his mom himself!