(Closed) help! MIL and intercepted email

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Definately tell him you read his email. I would own up to that first. Then say you read it. He likely isn’t telling you to preserve your feelings. My FI does that sometimes. 

 

Ok. So they don’t like you. I know it’s hard to accept. For you both. And they think you are fake. Well, guess what? They are fake too. For being nice to you and not honest with their feelings. Or maybe they told FI & he never told you. This happened in my case. 

So you talk it out and figure out where everyone is coming from. And then realize you might have married into a family that doesn’t like you. And now you deal with that. You can’t change their opinions. If they really don’t like you, they will always find a reason not to like you. Just work on being polite and let the rest go. 

Post # 4
Hostess
12282 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would mention it.  Be totally honest – honey, i went to my gmail didn’t realize you were still logged in and read email from sister xyz.  What’s going on? 

Post # 7
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Definitely mention it to him! At least he can comfort you about all of it! Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

I would mention it. Sounds like the sister and your husband are both on a similar page that there’s something wrong with their mom. How do you know he hasn’t responded, though?

 

Post # 9
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee

I disagree, I wouldn’t tell him.

OP I would feign ignorance. He supports you, he didn’t tell you about it to spare your feelings or maybe.. he just doesn’t care what his mother thinks because he loves you.

 

Keep being polite and sweet. Keep being you. What other people think of you is their business. 🙂 

Oh, and try not to read his email again. I would pretend it never happened.

Post # 10
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

@coffeechocolate:   you should tell him what happened. he was most likely not telling you to spare your feelings, but since you know now there is no reason not to tell him. It sounds like some serious stuff is going on with his mom and he probably needs your help and support dealing with it, which you can only do if you are on the same page and know what is going on. 

Post # 12
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I personally wouldn’t mention it unless it’s going to eat away at you. If you think you can forget about it, I wouldn’t mention it. I just think if I were in your husband’s shoes, I would feel terrible if my mother ever said anything like that about my SO. I would feel terrible and I would feel like there’s nothing I can really do – the things were said and can’t be taken back.

Post # 13
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

i would have told him as soon as I read it, they were talking about YOU after all. Find out what’s going on and put an end to the bs. If that means not hosting for his family then great they are obviously unappreciative hypocrites 

Post # 14
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you can keep quiet it’d probably be best, but I know I wouldn’t be able to.  I’d have to let him know that I accidentally opened his email and WTH is going on with his family.  I’d not be able to have them over after reading all that.  He may think he can handle them and keep them away from you – but if I knew they felt that way I’d have a REALLY hard time opening my home and even trying to be nice without being passive-aggresive and it would be an act. 

Post # 15
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Chrysoberyl:  I totally agree that what others think of us, is none of our business, in that we cannot change them. But I feel not being transparent about what she saw (even if totally unintentional) is just inviting trouble. I don’t feel her actually reading it is that big of deal…she did it on accident. But now that she knows, why should anyone play dumb? It’s not the end of the world someone doesn’t like her. Is it hard? You bet. But I feel it should be acknowledged and then you work with that going forward.

In my personal experience, when FI and I could start talking openly about his mother’s opinion of me, we found out we saw the same things in her behavior. We also grew closer. I was able to share my sadness and he was able to be open with me about his disappointment in his mother’s behavior and how she and I will likely not have a close relationship throughout our marriage. But we don’t dwell on it or anything. I feel it’s a healthy discussion of feelings.

Playing dumb is just another form of denial one is choosing in which to participate. “One shall not act as if one does not know”…one of my favorite quotes!

 

But OP, you do what feels best for you. We all give our opinions based on our own life experiences and what works for one, may not work for the other. I’m sure all will work out and you will be able to handle it. 🙂

 

Post # 16
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee

@Coral99:  BTW I meant to tell you that I thought I clicked “reply” to the OP instead of you. Sorry for the pointless notification!

I definitely see your point though. A very good point. Ultimately it’s up to the OP. I don’t have experience in this like you do, but it is what I would do in this case. 

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