Post # 1
I am the Maid/Matron of Honor for my sisters upcoming wedding. She is getting married April 28th 2013. Just a little back story for you, she was the Maid/Matron of Honor for my wedding back in 2010. She threw me a really nice shower, and a nice modest bachelorette party which were all amazing and I truly appreciated everything she did for me. The problem I am having now is her wish list and expectations from me. My sister has already come to be and started telling me that I need to start planning her bridal shower because she wants to have it in Sept when her wedding is not until April of next year. I kinda thought that was really early but if that is what she wants, that I will do that for her. However, she told me that she thinks 65 people will be at her shower. My husband and I are struggling financially right now as he got injured on the job and his salary has declined a lot. When I expressed to her that I may not be able to afford such a large shower, she is instantly upset and throws the things she did for my wedding in my face. (my shower had 18 people) She also is giving me deadlines on when she thinks the invites should be ordered and sent out. She also asked me to plan her bachelorette party which of course I was already going to do. She has asked me to take to out of state somewhere for a 5 day trip. I dont even know myself If I can afford to go on a five day trip let alone help pay for the expenses of all the daily events I would have to plan for her. Oh and did I mention, she told me she does not think she should have to spend a penny on any of the 5 days. My bachelorette party was one night and it was great. I feel hurt with her demands, and her lack of understanding for my financial situation right now. She even has gone as far as to analyze my spending and calls me out on the things that she thinks my husband and I should not have bought, I guess cause it takes money away from her wedding in her eyes. We have been constantly fighting because when I try to tell her that a 5 day bachelorette party is asking for a lot, she flips out, is impossible to talk to her and thinks that she deserves all of this and that I am causing her far to much stress. She is really taking the fun out of this for me because she is demanding and expecting everything instead of appreciating the things that I am able to do for her. I really wanted her bridal shower to be a surprise and because she wont let me plan it without her, I can no longer do that. I just don’t know how much more I can take. I just need some advice on what you ladies would do in a situation like this. I want to be there for her the way she was there for me but I never demanded anything from her at all for my wedding. Anything she did for me I would have appreciated no matter what. I just which that was the case here.
Post # 3
I would tell your sister that her expectations are way to high and you will be unable to do that. If she can’t change her idea of a shower which she is supposed to not have any input into and which isn’t a requirement then I would step down as the Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 4
It sounds like you have been too nice up to this point. You need to sit her down, be frank with her and explain what you can and cannot do. You love her, and you are happy to plan for her (and appreciate what she did for you) but it can not take over your life. If she really wants everything she is asking for and is unwilling to compromise, then offer to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 5
Are there other Bridesmaid or Best Man who may be willing to chip in?
Post # 6
I think she needs someone to tell her that as a bride she cannot EXPECT to be thrown a shower or anything else, and if someone does, it is on their budget, time, and how they want to plan it.
Just a slight rant but I don’t understand how brides think they’re entitled to parties? I haven’t expected anything out of my Bridesmaid or Best Man. My Maid/Matron of Honor wanted my opinion on the bridal shower, and I gave it to her, but I didn’t demand crap and I let her plan to her budget and expectations on how she wanted it. It turned out beautiful and I was grateful!
If you can’t talk to your sister you need some help from mom or someone close. Your sister is being quite unreasonable and picky, especially to be monitoring your spending. You’re a saint for putting up with her demands this long, but it’s time to have a serious chat.