(Closed) Help. MOTG making Rehearsal outshine the wedding.

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
46607 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

That’s tough. When the groom’s family host the rehearsal dinner, they usually get to decide the details.

I do however think it is inappropriate for the MOG to plan something that is grander than the wedding.

I encourage you to speak with your Mom about how this is not what you and your Fiance want.Tell her that you both really want a more intimate dinner.I would ask her to tone down the formality of the occasion to be in keeping with the wedding. If she really wants to invite all the out of town guests, then the compromise is to keep the dinner small and invite the others to join you for a social hour following- perhaps dessert and coffee. It is not usually a good idea to plan a night of drinking the night before the wedding.

Time for you to speak up. Your allegiance has to start to shift to your bride.





Post # 4
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

What about having a small rehearsal dinner and a post-wedding brunch on Sunday for the out of town guests? Cost-wise it would probably be the about the same as the lavish rehearsal dinner she has in mind, but it wouldn’t upstage the wedding since the rehearsal dinner would be intimate and the Sunday brunch would be more casual than the wedding.

Post # 5
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hi Shelby!  Welcome! 

I think it’s a good start that you know that you have to say something and it’s really sweet that you’re concerned about being diplomatic.  I agree with Julies.  Can you tell her you guys were thinking something more intimate and then suggest having a cocktail hour afterwards?  I think that if your bride sees you trying to suggest that, then the number won’t be as important.

Good luck!!

Post # 6
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@shighsmi: So this did not happen to me, but to very dear friends of ours. Needless to say, their rehearsal dinner had 105 people at it and their wedding 158. The dinner at the rehearsal was amazing and at the wedding it was eh. You have to stop her now somehow, because almost a year after the wedding, the bride and her family (her mother blames groom) still talk about that over the top rehearsal dinner! (I obviously have no advice, but thought I would make you feel even more anxiety ridden)

Post # 7
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@julies1949: couldn’t agree more.  

If I were in your wife’s position, I’d be ready to confront your mother if my Fiance didn’t.  I’ve also threatened to do so with my Fiance and his mother on a few things.  Fortunately, he takes the initiative and talks to his mother or figures out a way to manipulate her. 

good luck and I hope this works out for the three of you!

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