(Closed) Help! – Mother troubles

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@KVille:  Would you be comfortable sitting her down and telling her what you told us? It’s an emotional time for her as well, it seems like she might be confused about her feelings so maybe helping her to figure them out could help you decide how to help her.

Post # 4
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MsCarabiner:  +1

If you can, talk to her about what you just said here. As for her thinking she won’t have anything else to do during the day so she should do the centrepieces.. if it were my mom I’d say something like ‘well, I’d like you to get ready with me, and then I want you and dad to be able to just enjoy the day as much as Fiance and I are planning on!’ I might also add (because my mom and I just have that kind of relationship) that I’d like her to be available all day in case I happen to have a mental breakdown and decide this whole wedding thing is for the birds 😉 and if she’s busy putting centrepieces together I’d be concerned she might feel too busy to just sit with me for a minute or two, ya know?

 

Post # 5
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My mom is doing this… She wants to be involved, but doesn’t seem interested in the things I suggest she do to help me with the wedding. So, I started telling her I need help with a lot of things (i.e. tying bows on the favors, making the centerpieces, choosing a menu from the caterer, addressing the invitations, going to dress fittings, etc.) and not really giving her a choice. Of course I could do all of that on my own, but this way she can’t say I didn’t ask and, so far, she hasn’t told me no. She even offered to make dinner for the rehearsal dinner. So, maybe try that? I know it’s not the greatest advice ever, but I think it may help if you take this approach. I hope that helps – it worked for me.

Post # 6
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I totally understand where you’re coming from…mine goes from being pushy, controlling and over-involved, to disinterested and passive (which for her, usually means she’ll stay that way for a little while and then play the victim and claim she’s being hurt, excluded, that this is HER day, blahblahblah).  I keep trying to basically assign her tasks and stay firm with her…she needs to work through her own emotional issues instead of expecting that I do that for her.  Do you have a bridal party?  Are any of them familiar with and/or good at dealing with your mom?  Maybe include them all on a joint email to get some upbeat wedding conversations going (about centerpieces, for example)?  Good luck.  I know it’s not easy…

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