(Closed) HELP!! Motherzilla-in-law

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

General rule is if she is paying, she has some say. If she is not paying, you just need to tell her, “We really like the _________ you want, however we have decided to go with the one we chose because __________________.”

Letting her know why you picked yours over hers will be the easiest way (practical reasons, of course). Also, stick to your guns. If you are paying for it then it is ultimately up to you. If she still fights, I would have Fiance sit own and have a heart to heart with her. You don’t want to let this go on too long, but you also don’t want to give in to the point where you start feeling like blowing up and then you say something you will regret. Have Fiance talk to her.

Post # 4
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Braut2013:  Even if she is giving money, it does not give her the right to take over. I would have a heart to heart with her and say “We love you dearly but we have a vision for our wedding that we plan to stick with. We will include in when we go look for venues, but the ultimate decision is ours”.

Post # 5
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Nope, totally agree with @megz06. If she’s paying for the whole thing, then she gets a say. If she’s contributing, then she gets input. If she’s not, she’s out of the picture.  

Post # 7
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

You only have two choices: Either you politely decline her choices and have the wedding you and your FI want and ignore the negativity or you chose what she wants because you don’t want to deal with the comments and let it be her wedding.

I’d still have your Fiance sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Maybe he can make her understand. My Future Mother-In-Law has wanted her way on some things, and we just told her we don’t want it that way. She will continue to bring it up every so often, but we just ignore it and say no. Fiance always has to remind her of why we didn’t chose her half sister’s daughter that we don’t know not to be our flower girl or why we didn’t chose FI’s 3rd cousin he hasn’t seen since he was 10 to be an usher. We just explain our reasoning and that’s that.

Let your Future Mother-In-Law know that she has complete control over the Rehearsal Dinner. That can be her baby to nurture…otherwise I would include her a little less in the wedding planning.

Post # 9
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Oh motherzilla-in-law, I love that name and I’m sorry you have one too. I’m glad to see you are approaching this rationally and trying not to hurt her feelings. I understand how hard that is when someone is trying to take control of you and FI’s day.

So far we have conceeded on items we don’t care about and put our foot down on the things we did, for example the reception location and menu. She picked a lot of other vendors so we met with them and if they seemed ok we went with them. Then we made sure our names were on the contracts and we were clear that Fiance and I were the one calling the shots. It’s a way she feels like she has control but as most vendor offer similar services so it still means we get what we want. 

So sit down with your Fiance and decide what you both care about the most on the day then let her take care of something that you don’t want control over. For that stuff you want control over the sentence megz06 have given is perfect. If she doesn’t budge it’s not your place but FI’s to put her in line. Mine is about to have a straight talk with his mother which I’ll be posting about later.

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