Post # 1
So here is my dilema. Fiance an I are moving in with Future Mother-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law at the end of the month. And will be living with her for up to 4 years at which point she will move out of the house (I am hoping to be out of there WAY before then!!!). Here are the problems: she wants to clean for us, do our laundry, and cook for Fiance (Im a vegetarian so she wont cook for me), she has mandated that I dust and vaccumm at least 1x a week and has told me she will be checking, and she and i have spent maybe 30 min alone tops in the 3 years Fiance and I have been together and I think they were all silent. Fiance is 24 and I am 23, we have lived together on our own for a year and our lease is up and she needs help paying for FBIL’s tuition which is why we are moving in, but as grown ups we can cook, clean, and do laundry for ourselves. I need yall’s advice please!!!! How can I make this seamless as we go from being adults living on our own to living with his mom and then to newlyweds living with his mom.
Post # 3
Oh wow. I don’t envy you at all. Even the nicest Mother-In-Law with the best intentions can be very hard to live with.
I think a nice sit down talk with everyone in the house would be a good idea. At the least you, her, and your guy. Think of it like when you live with room mates in college. You make rules, you figure out who does what etc. Perhaps work out a shared cooking responsibility. You and your husband cook for the family on certain days and she cooks for the family on other days.
This may be a good opportunity to get to know her! You two may have fun doing girl stuff (manicures?) every so often. Perhaps pick up a hobby the two of you can do together. I do know that most mothers and especially mothers-in-law love to teach the daughter-in-law a thing or two since it helps them feel valid and important in what can be a very difficult time in a mother’s life. See if she can teach you how to knit or whatever it is that she does.
It probably wont go seamlessly, but with a good attitude it will work out.
Post # 4
Talk to your FH about it. He may not realize you have an issue. That way, he can talk to his mother with/for you. It may not go down well if you talk to her straight out about it, seeing as though it seems like you’ve never really had a proper conversation with this woman. x
Post # 5
Uhm yea sorry but I would have a major problem if I wanted to cook for my husband and my Mother-In-Law was like “NO you can’t!” I would be like “Uhm too bad because I am!” And also would not be cool with her touching my clothes. So yes. sit down and have a talk with her. or with your FH or both, and let her know these things. But personally I don’t know if I could even live with my inlaws even my parents after being married, but good luck! 🙂
Post # 6
@SoonToBeMrs.Kiss: Haha. I wanted to post something similar but deleted it because it seems like the OP doesn’t have a choice! I would feel like this too! I just think it’s really important to be able to have a sense of “your own home” with your husband especially after marriage, and even if you’re living with inlaws. To strengthen the marriage, not to mention your general feelings of independence.
@Riot: I’m sure things will work out for you, but it will likely require some compromise (maybe on both of your parts) and a lot of flexibility! I wonder if you could try working something out where you and your husband can share some of the responsibilty with your FMIL? Like cook dinner for the whole family once or twice a week? (guess that might be tough since you are vegetarian and they’re not). Or take responsibility for doing your laundry and your husbands laundry? You could say that you feel awful having her do it and would rather take responsibility for your own. Something like that….
Best of luck!
Post # 7
@RIOT – Moving in with FMIL? Run,girl, run. DO NOT EVER LIVE WITH IN-LAWS. I have been through that (somehow). There is a wise saying that ‘familiarity breeds contempt.” The last thing you want is to breed contempt with Future Mother-In-Law in such a young growing marriage. Even the best relationships with in-laws will be ruined in that manner. First, small issues like who does laundry, who pays for what and who cooks what will arise. Respect will be lost and before long, someone is bound to lose their cool and say things they later regret but can’t swallow. Then the other in-laws and family members will get involved – so it becomes not just Future Mother-In-Law problem but everyone’s business. All this time, you and your FH will be fighting about all these issues and destroying your marriage. A wedge will be between you.
My advice is, you and your FH should rent a place and struggle to make it on your own. If you live with Future Mother-In-Law, you will regret it. Let she who has ears to listen…
Good luck, whatever you decide.
Post # 8
I lived with my Future In-Laws for about 3 years in college. It was nice at first, but after about a year, it turned. Living with them, at least to me, ruined my relationship with them. They felt the need to disrespect my privacy, and when we actually started looking for our own place, it was a nightmare.
If I could go back, I would have never lived there. I can barely hold a conversation with them now without wanting to flip. They have no respect for someone elses opinion.