Help! My best friend is not MOH material!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
9785 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Choosing Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t about choosing the best party planner, it’s a way to honor someone very close to you.

Post # 3
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

hikingbride :  True, but no one wants a shitshow as their Maid/Matron of Honor. Or even worse, someone who has a history of “ghosting”.

Post # 4
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Agree with PP. The only responsibility of the bridal party is to show up. They are meant to be honored loved ones, not wedding workers. Do you really think she is going to ghost you at your wedding?

Post # 5
207 posts
Helper bee

What do you expect from her? My sisters and my brother were my bridal party. They didn’t host anything or do anything other then show up. My friends threw me a low key bachelorette (dinner out) and I didn’t want or have a bridal shower. I know some expect a lot from their bridal party, but if you want her as your Maid/Matron of Honor, all she needs to do is show up.

To me, there are no responsibilities for the Maid/Matron of Honor.  It is someone who you love or have a close relationship with.  It’s not a party planner.  

I was also an older bride – 34.  So I just wanted a simple approach.  If you have more thoughts on your concerns I’m sure that people can add their thoughts!

Post # 6
3160 posts
Sugar bee

What you’re really saying is your friend does not fit what you’re looking for in a Maid/Matron of Honor. Save yourself a headache, and choose someone else altogether. Otherwise, I expect to see you back here in a few months posting about how resentful you are at your friend, and how this has ruined your friendship, and now you don’t even want her at your wedding.

I would not choose both women as Maid/Matron of Honor – someone will be left with hurt feelings regardless by no Maid/Matron of Honor or being made co Maid/Matron of Honor. Just bite the bullet. Have her show up in the dress you picked, and let that be the end of your expectations.

Post # 7
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Let me just say this, I chose my Maid/Matron of Honor based on being friends for over 20 years, she was flakey, pretended like she was all about me. She told me my other 4 bridesmaids (who were sil) were not involved at all with anything(she didn’t give anyone any details to be involved ) and over charged my mom $200 by saying she spent that much more than the other bridesmaids. She spent that on a custom made Esty bridal shower game literally paid $200 on a wooden hand painted sign that explained a stupid bridal shower game….. that I sanded and repainted over because who needs a personalized bridal shower game rules on a wooden sign? Also straight up lied to me about my future sils and made me think they were less involved. She caused me more stress for no reason for idk why? I guess she didn’t think I would talk to my mom and figure out the truth. My advice is, if she’s the slightest bit flakey don’t do it, she will try to make herself seem like the rockstar MoH and cause you more stress and aggravation, at least from my experience. 


Eta we also have not spoken since two months after the wedding and her Maid/Matron of Honor speech was a drunken ramble about how she loves my family, she’s an honorary member and my mother makes banging food…. absolutely nothing about our “20 year friendship”

Post # 8
3068 posts
Sugar bee

x0morganna :  Might there be even the slightest possibility that you are confused regarding what a Maid/Matron of Honor really is? I ask because “the kinds of responsibility the position entails” sounds like a job, not a beautiful and loving tribute one confers to a very dear friend.

Post # 9
12291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Whatever anyone might try to tell you, maid of honor is an honor given to a close friend. It is not and never has been a job description. Can your friend be there, appropriately dressed and be there for you on the day in support?  If so, I assure you, she can handle it. 

Contrary to belief, she is not obligated to host or organize parties in your honor, pay for a shower, organize a bachelorette party, shop, DIY, or help plan your wedding. 

Post # 13
10027 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Maid of HONOR.

There is no honor in being your unpaid wedding help (even if you want to church it up by calling it your “right hand woman”). If you want someone who can be “on” and handle all the “responsibilities” then hire a party planner. If you want to honor a dear friend for holding a special place in your life, then have your best friend. 

Post # 16
3068 posts
Sugar bee

x0morganna :  I beg to differ. A wedding is planned by the bride, the groom and if necessary, a hired wedding planner. To say that your friend is “not moh material” is absurd, to say the least.

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