Post # 1
I’ve known my best friend for over 20 years and while there was a time when we were joined at the hip, I feel as though the older we get the flakier she becomes. However, she absolutely expects to be my Maid/Matron of Honor – I know this. But regardless of her good intentions, she is not reliable. When she’s on, she’s ON but when she’s not… she’s known to go a couple months at a time without answering messages and just pop back up when she’s back on.
It’s common sense that she is obviously not Maid/Matron of Honor material due to the kinds of responsibilities the position entails. While she would give a phenomenal Maid/Matron of Honor speech, all of the stuff leading up to it would be a challenge for her. Looking at it from a reliability/planning point of view, I’m considering having two MOH’s, one being my mom’s best friend whom I’ve known since I was little and the other being the wife of our Best Man (I’ve known her for just over two years and we get along fabulously).
Am I overthinking this? I feel like such a terrible friend!
Post # 2
Choosing Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t about choosing the best party planner, it’s a way to honor someone very close to you.
Post # 3
True, but no one wants a shitshow as their Maid/Matron of Honor. Or even worse, someone who has a history of “ghosting”.
Post # 4
Agree with PP. The only responsibility of the bridal party is to show up. They are meant to be honored loved ones, not wedding workers. Do you really think she is going to ghost you at your wedding?
Post # 5
What do you expect from her? My sisters and my brother were my bridal party. They didn’t host anything or do anything other then show up. My friends threw me a low key bachelorette (dinner out) and I didn’t want or have a bridal shower. I know some expect a lot from their bridal party, but if you want her as your Maid/Matron of Honor, all she needs to do is show up.
To me, there are no responsibilities for the Maid/Matron of Honor. It is someone who you love or have a close relationship with. It’s not a party planner.
I was also an older bride – 34. So I just wanted a simple approach. If you have more thoughts on your concerns I’m sure that people can add their thoughts!
Post # 6
What you’re really saying is your friend does not fit what you’re looking for in a Maid/Matron of Honor. Save yourself a headache, and choose someone else altogether. Otherwise, I expect to see you back here in a few months posting about how resentful you are at your friend, and how this has ruined your friendship, and now you don’t even want her at your wedding.
I would not choose both women as Maid/Matron of Honor – someone will be left with hurt feelings regardless by no Maid/Matron of Honor or being made co Maid/Matron of Honor. Just bite the bullet. Have her show up in the dress you picked, and let that be the end of your expectations.
Post # 7
Let me just say this, I chose my Maid/Matron of Honor based on being friends for over 20 years, she was flakey, pretended like she was all about me. She told me my other 4 bridesmaids (who were sil) were not involved at all with anything(she didn’t give anyone any details to be involved ) and over charged my mom $200 by saying she spent that much more than the other bridesmaids. She spent that on a custom made Esty bridal shower game literally paid $200 on a wooden hand painted sign that explained a stupid bridal shower game….. that I sanded and repainted over because who needs a personalized bridal shower game rules on a wooden sign? Also straight up lied to me about my future sils and made me think they were less involved. She caused me more stress for no reason for idk why? I guess she didn’t think I would talk to my mom and figure out the truth. My advice is, if she’s the slightest bit flakey don’t do it, she will try to make herself seem like the rockstar MoH and cause you more stress and aggravation, at least from my experience.
Eta we also have not spoken since two months after the wedding and her Maid/Matron of Honor speech was a drunken ramble about how she loves my family, she’s an honorary member and my mother makes banging food…. absolutely nothing about our “20 year friendship”
Post # 8
Might there be even the slightest possibility that you are confused regarding what a Maid/Matron of Honor really is? I ask because “the kinds of responsibility the position entails”
sounds like a job, not a beautiful and loving tribute one confers to a very dear friend.
Post # 9
Whatever anyone might try to tell you, maid of honor is an honor given to a close friend. It is not and never has been a job description. Can your friend be there, appropriately dressed and be there for you on the day in support? If so, I assure you, she can handle it.
Contrary to belief, she is not obligated to host or organize parties in your honor, pay for a shower, organize a bachelorette party, shop, DIY, or help plan your wedding.
Post # 11
Good grief, y’all are quick to jump on a girl! 😛 I suppose I wasn’t focusing so much on the way I was choosing my words for the original post; to me, I’ve always been under the impression that a Maid/Matron of Honor was not just a very close friend but also your right-hand woman that was by your side for the duration of the planning. While I’m sure she can “handle” showing up on the day of the wedding in the dress agreed upon by the bridesmaids (or however it’s acceptable to word that), I feel as though there’s kind of two sides to being a Maid/Matron of Honor.
That being said, there’s the “very close friend” part of it and the “right-hand woman” part. I’m under the impression that most of you who are ripping on the “job description” portion have reliable close friends whom you didn’t have to worry about ghosting you until the day of.
Post # 13
Maid of HONOR.
There is no honor in being your unpaid wedding help (even if you want to church it up by calling it your “right hand woman”). If you want someone who can be “on” and handle all the “responsibilities” then hire a party planner. If you want to honor a dear friend for holding a special place in your life, then have your best friend.
Post # 14
not really; I’ve gone the past 20 years knowing I wanted this friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. However, I also know that planning a wedding is stressful and that bridesmaids are often involved in a lot of the planning – especially the Maid/Matron of Honor, who is often a close friend whom you trust to be beside you throughout all of it. Are there typical things MOHs typically do, though they may not be required to? Sure, there are. That’s what I meant.
Post # 15
Unpaid wedding help? Isn’t part of the beauty of being a bridesmaid/MOH being able to be a part of the journey with your friend? I’m so confused by the amount of salt in these responses
Post # 16
I beg to differ. A wedding is planned by the bride, the groom and if necessary, a hired wedding planner. To say that your friend is “not moh material
” is absurd, to say the least.