Help! My best friend is not MOH material!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 76
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

So personally I think deciding on who your Maid/Matron of Honor is should be based on who you consider to be the one you want standing next to you most. I don’t think their ability to help you out in planning the wedding or planning pre-parties or whatever should be considered. For example, if they have no time to do all that stuff due to a new baby, if they don’t have money to contribute to a bachelorette, or if planning things just stresses them out way too much – none of those things should stop you from having this person as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Is it amazing to have someone who can help you plan things? Yes, of course. But this person doesn’t necessarily have to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, and unfortunately not everyone even has a person who can help them.

However, it seems to me like you have other issues with your friendship. Putting aside her ability to help with planning and such, is this the person you most want to be standing up there with you on your wedding day? Or has her general flakiness and past issues soured you a bit towards her, and you no longer view her as the person you want by your side most? That is okay. I’d try to reflect and see if your reluctance to have her be Maid/Matron of Honor stems from just the fact that she can’t help plan things, or if you have issues with the friendship in general that’s making you hesitate? It may help if you think about whether you’d be hesitating if the reason she can’t help plan is, say, she has a newborn baby that’s taking up all of her time.

Post # 77
3814 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Sounds like there have been some dubious moments in this girl’s friendship. She ghosts you and even tried to sabotage your relationship – that’s plenty of reason to not make her Maid/Matron of Honor. It’s fine. While a Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t ‘unpaid labour’ it’s not unreasonable to want them to be generally supportive, mentally present and a good friend.  (don’t worry too much, bees will react to the slightest suggestions of expecting bridesmaids to show any interest at all in the wedding)

You also don’t have to have a Maid/Matron of Honor at all if it makes things stressful. People who are happy to help will still be happy to help whether their title is bridesmaid or Maid/Matron of Honor. 

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