(Closed) HELP! My BFF is Driving Me Crazy – She's Obsessed with TTC!

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 31
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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MrsNerdy :  I apologize if my response to your comment was mistaken as being directed to you. You weren’t being catty in your response, but you also were completely on the side of the TTC friend and did not provide any hepful comment beyond “suck it up and deal with it or say something and lose your friend”. There are a lot of very bad ways to handle a situation like this. But there are also a few delicate, sensitive ways this topic could be approached to save the OP’s sanity and the friendship. 

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busybee86 :  I experienced something very similar to this when my sister (whom I love to the end of the universe and have been very close with my entire life) had her first and second child. We used to talk/text/email every day (we live on opposite coasts) but when it became 100% baby/pregnancy talk, I stepped back and I told her why. I couldn’t handle the incessant kid-centric conversations and she couldn’t focus on anything else but her kids. So we cut back on our communication and it hurt both of us deeply to not have that same close relationship. Though we still talked weekly, it was more casual and quick. We’ve since rebuilt our relationship and we’ve both matured and gained an understanding of the complexity of the situation. 

Post # 33
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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FutureMrsGrabs :  i never said that op was a bad friend?

All i said was there isn’t a nice way to tell someone “i know you had a miscarriage but i miss being able to talk about my wedding”. 

Post # 34
Member
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would advise her to channel her energy to one of the many online forums for people who are TTC, who have had MC, etc. It can be quite therapeutic to share experiences with those who are experiencing similar things. 

Post # 36
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

I think it is very important to support friends and be understanding of their various struggles. At the same time, I think it’s disrespectful when a friend treats another friend as a therapist. Friendship and therapy hold different roles, and I think it’s key to keep friendship as a two-way street. 

Maybe you can kindly suggest she find a professional to talk to? Perhaps emphasize that you DO care, but perhaps you’re not the best equipt to deal with all the emotional information she is throwing on you.

Post # 37
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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tiffanybruiser :  Yes! She needs to talk to people who are going through the exact same worries as her and who will be happy to share cervical mucus stories.

Yes, a good friend will listen to their friend’s worries and what’s important to them, but it’s boring and self-centred when anybody talks exclusively about their issues – whatever the issue may be – and doesn’t ever ask their friend about themselves or show any interest in having a two-way relationship. What OP is describing sounds more like therapist/patient than two friends and that is not OP’s responsibility.

Post # 38
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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busybee86 :  I’m late to this. I would limit my contact to just 1 or 2 texts daily, preferablly at similar times. That way you are available to her, but you will give yourself a chance to do/think about something else. By now, she should also be able to wait out her emotions more.

If you are mentally drained by her, you can’t be a good friend to her either. If you must block her for a few hours a day, it doesn’t make you a bad friend. Time before cell phones, we all had to wait till nighttime to get messages. 

Post # 39
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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saratiara2 :  maybe start by saying, “let’s spend 15 minutes each to talk about what’s important in our own life?”

Post # 41
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Agree to limit texts to her to 2 a day (or whatever you feel comfortable with). Do NOT feel obligated to comment to every thing , I understand it would get exhausting. Hopefully she will get the picture, if not, again you don’t have to reply to every single text of hers. I have had a couple unfortunate circumstances with MC and another problem and I don’t want to talk about it ad nauseum with my friends or family. If other people are different, I get it, but you don’t have to be her therapist. If she needs one, she should get a professional to talk to.

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