Post # 1
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
To be truthful, I was partly to blame. I originally gave my Bridesmaid or Best Man a list of girls for the shower who are invited to the wedding, but a few weeks later, she asked me for other people to invite to the shower. WIthout thinking, I gave her a few other names. But feeling uneasy about it, I trolled the etiquette boads and discovered to my horror that my first instinct was right – I shouldn’t invite anyone to the shower who isn’t invited to the wedding.
So I went back to my Bridesmaid or Best Man and told her not to invite those other girls, but she’d invited them as we were talking! She multitasks at work, so I didn’t think she was emailing them on the spot!
So the shower is in three days, and though I stressed to my Bridesmaid or Best Man that if those girls ask about buying gifts, to tell them NOT to – just to say I’d like them to share in the fun of the shower, I don’t want gifts.
But what do I do when I see them on Saturday? Apologize for only including them in the shower? Gift them with something? Say nothing? Inviting them to the wedding is not an option, with the wedding three weeks out. I’m afraid they’ll be miffed or expect an invitation. Advice?
Post # 3
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
I know the etiquette rule is that you “have” to invite them to the wedding but honestly, at three weeks out, surely they already realized that they are not invited. I feel like if they come, they probably really just want to hang out and enjoy the shower and if they realize the etiquette faux pas, they probably will simply not attend or won’t bring a gift. If you know for sure that you can’t accomodate them at the wedding, I would just let this go.
Post # 4
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Blame it on the bridesmaid who did the actual inviting! Haha, but like, seriously…It sucks, but most likely they’ve realized they’re not invited to the wedding and if they were going to be insulted by being invited to the shower and not the wedding, they probably just won’t attend the shower…Sorry tho, that sucks!
Post # 5
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
I was invited to a bridal shower once and not invited to the wedding. I wasnt mad, kinda sat until i found out why!
a little back ground info on the couple– I am (was) pretty good friends with the groom. He works on my car, when i was single fixed stuff around my house. Go out drinking ( with a BIG group not just us!) One night before I new Fiance, We were all out drinking ( way to much- i had no idea what happened that night till the next day) I saw this really cute guy that came into my work, we started talking & i took him home. The next day i found out the guys Girlfriend was AT THE BAR AND SAW!
So ever since the bride has HATED me (secretly) because she thinks that I would do that to her man ( were friends but hes FAR from my type). I would totally never do anything like that knowning they have a g/f wife! or date a friends old/ current b/f
I found they whole situation pretty funny.
Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
I’d just play it by ear with them – IF they actually come. I probably wouldn’t if I weren’t invited to the wedding and if not being invited upsets then I doubt they’d come.
If they show up I’d just apologize privately at the end of the event. I’m sure if they do attend that they just want to socialize so they probably don’t need an apology – but I think it’s the considerate thing to do.
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