- 2 years ago
I really don’t know what to do and any and all advice will help. I have known my boyfriend for 10 years, next month, and we’ve dated for almost 5 of those. We live together and have a family, 2 children of our own and “his” and ‘mine” kids. We are generally very close and happy, although he sometimes has depression off and on. However, I am there for him and we get through it. Last November, so 8 months ago, we talked and he said we could get married “whenever” I wanted. A few months went by and I told him I deserve an official proposal, as that’s important to me.
It was tax season and he was supposed to put his money toward an engagement ring…. When he asked, I even told him I don’t care about rings and he could even use an older family ring. He seemed to be making plans… and said he did start making plans… but then didn’t propose. It turns out his therapist told him to work at getting a better job first (he was on tempoaray disability). However, this bothered me as I’m not in this for the money and we live together regardless… so I endure his financial state, married or not! It feels like I am his wife, just without the terminology and that no longer feels fair. I do a lot for this man and he says he will be there forever. However, as we linger in this state of him not asking yet, I feel myself getting hurt and angry, also doubting him. We are best friends with a family, marriage is like nothing… so simple to do… compared to that.
Anyway, he asked for 6 months to get it done and then NOTHING happened. Here we are, he has an interview next week and may start a job in August. I am working a lot… so he watches our kids while I work and that’s important, as they’re little and I’m making good money. I have been telling myself just to hold on until he gets and starts that new job… but I’m honestly not sure I can wait even a day longer.
I told him this and cried, but I think it just annoyed him. He is usually nicer about the conversation, but it was late and I was keeping him up. Yesterday, I had to get the kid’s birth certificates from the local Clerks & Recorders office and there were THREE couples getting married. That’s what started me feeling so bad again.
Please give advice. I don’t want to ruin our happy relationship over this. But I feel so hurt and, sort of, upset and mad at him. I’m his best friend, WTF, how can he put me through this. I thought I could wait a few more months but I’ve gotten so emotional when marriage comes up (I’m VERY calm about everyhing else in life and resilient… so this is not my usual), that I don’t know how to wait even a day more.
I don’t want my chidren growing up without their father over this… like if I left him. That doesn’t seem worth it. I know he’s close to getting ready to ask but it feels like I’ve run a marathon and he’s telling me to run further.