HELP! My boyfriend asked for 6 months to propose and didn't follow through!

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
  • poll: How long should I wait for a proposal

    A few more months, while he starts his new job and gains confidence.

    Until your 5 year anniversary (in 4.5 months).

    Give up on getting legally married and just be glad you're happy and have a loving family.

    ZERO months. He had his chance... move on.

  • Post # 2
    Member
    647 posts
    Busy bee

    Complicated.  

    Have you tried seeing a therapist/his therapist together to help you two communicate?

    Post # 3
    Member
    7879 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Propose to him. It may not be what you envisioned but it gets you what you want–to be married. He said eight months ago that he’s ready to marry you. If he’s not comfortable with the role reversal then he can get down on one knee today with the ring pop you just happen to have on hand. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    3089 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m questioning whether or not his therapist actually told him to delay making plans to propose until he found a better job.  That seems like a BS made-up excuse to me, considering how long you’ve been together, that you live together, and that you have children together.   “Sorry honey, I would have proposed but my therapist said I should wait to make that kind of commitment until I earn more money”?  Doesn’t make sense in the circumstances.

    Post # 5
    Member
    428 posts
    Helper bee

    If he knows when he’s starting a new job, there is no reason why he couldn’t propose when he said he will. 

    It sounds like he doesn’t want to get married and he’s only saying that he’s going to propose in order to keep you quiet. 

    I would say that you should leave if getting married is important to you….but you have two children and I know that children make break ups more complicated and difficult. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    Yeah I’m sorry but therapists dont tell their clients what to do like that… no therapist I’ve ever heard of would tell their client how and when to make major life decisions… I call bullshit. 

    I say give up your idea of a perfect proposal and situation. That ship has sailed. Take him to the courthouse and just get married. Simple. Life isn’t always exactly how you think it should be but you need to adjust. Or leave. Your choice

    Post # 7
    Member
    3102 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    View original reply
    JennyPenny2019 :  make an appointment at the courthouse for next week and tell him you expect him to be there. Period end of story. A decade and 2 kids later the time for fairytail faux-poposals is long past.  Lay it on the line for him.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    282 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    If marriage is very important to you and it is a dealbreaker, I would pick a walk date (before the end of the year). I would also let him know that you expect a proposal by X date or you will make plans to move out and co-parent your children. And then actually do it!! But honestly it would be hard for me to day with someone who is depressed and problems getting a job. One of my worst fears would be dating or married to someone who just couldn’t work to sustain themselves and be independent.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    1039 posts
    Bumble bee

    Therapists NEVER tell their patients what to do. So don’t believe that BS for one minute. 

     

    Honestly, you’re living as a married couple already. The time to be a girl wishing for a magical proposal sailed back when you merged families and then had your own children together out of wedlock.

     

    Call the courthouse and find our what days are available this month. Give him two options for a wedding date and ask when he would like to go shopping for wedding rings. You hopefully get your marriage and the stability you desire. He doesn’t have to dick around trying to please you with a proposal. Win-win.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7900 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I agree that this many years, a house and two kids down the line, the time for romantic proposals is long gone. I agree about making a date at the courthouse. Don’t leave your future and the future of your family up to romantic wishes; DO something. If he refuses, then you have your answer, but the legal documents mean more at this point than a big party.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5348 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I could very easily see a “therapist” telling him not to get engaged yet. The problem is that there are a lot of unqualified therapists out there. Or he may just be feeding you a line.

    OP, the fact is that you have children with this man, so it’s not so simple to just leave the relationship.  I will never understand men who live with a woman, have children with her, but balk at the prospect of marriage. At this point you can’t do anything to make him propose. You can’t change someone else’s behavior, you can only change your own. Toward that end you could leave and tell him that you no longer want to be tied to someone who very definitely not chosen you.

    Or you can stay and let your resentment build. I wish I had better advice, but there’s no magic pill in cases like this. The horse is out of the barn and there’s no putting it back.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9255 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    JennyPenny2019 :  Here’s your problem, bee: “he said we could get married “whenever” I wanted. A few months went by and I told him I deserve an official proposal, as that’s important to me.” 

    So, he’s willing to get married, but you are insisting on theatrics. You are the one causing the delay here. I am usually the first to say “dump him” when a guy is stringing someone along, but that’s not what’s happening here. He wants to get married but for whatever reason can’t bring himself to stage some instagram-worthy charade, and you’re willing to tear your otherwise-happy family apart for that? If you want a PROPOSAL then your choices are either wait for it, or leave. If you want a MARRIAGE, tell him you’re ready, pick out a ring together, and get to planning. This is in your hands.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1981 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    Daisy_Mae :  usually I agree with you, but I disagree here. She mentioned she doesn’t care about the ring and just wanted him to ask her to marry him. I don’t think she necessarily wants theatrics and pomp and circumstance…I don’t get that vibe here.

    I think it’s bad that he told her he would do it and 6 months passed and nothing. I don’t think she’s the one holding things up.

    OP- At this point, tell him you want to go the courthouse next week and if he won’t, then leave him. I know you have a family, but you sound very resentful which is unhealthy 

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