(Closed) Help my family has taken control

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Look at her, be calm and sweetly say:

“this is not your wedding and this is how I want things done”

the way you just did.  I would nip, nip, nip this in the bud right now.  Good luck

Post # 7
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@GaN12: woah, not cool, Mom, not. cool.

Does she know how frustrated you are? Like, that you’re considering eloping?

I would sit her down and say (exactly) the following:

“Mom, I love you, and I appreciate that you want to help us with the wedding, but your words and your behavior are not lining up, and that is frustrating me and Fiance. This is my wedding, and I have a lot of ideas of my own – I appreciate your help, but it’s not your decision who will walk me down the aisle, it’s not your decision what we will serve at the reception or who will cater it. It’s not your decision ____ [fill in the blank]. Those are decisions that Fiance and I need to make, together, just the two of us. If we need input or assistance, we’ll ask you.

You keep telling me that whatever I want is fine, but when it comes time to make a decision, you don’t listen to what I want. I love you, and I don’t want to hurt our relationship over this, but you need to understand that Fiance and I will have the wedding that we want, NOT the wedding that you want, even if that means we have to elope without you, or pay for this ourselves and not inform you of the date we’ve chosen or any other details until they’re settled, decided and paid for.

We want and value your input, but you need to calm down. This isn’t your wedding, it’s my wedding, and making these decisions together is very important to Fiance and I as a stage of growth in our relationship. It’s important to us that the two of us get to do this together, and you are hurting that. Please stop.”

Post # 9
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Uhhh…WOW. I had this similar problem (not to this extent) when I first got engaged. My mom wanted to do it her way. I told her that it wasn’t her wedding, so butt out. (I know that’s mean but dang, can’t a girl plan her own wedding?!)

Keep your head up and keep us updated doll!

Post # 10
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Hm, your mom probably thinks she knows best and just wants the wedding to the best it can be. That being said, you know what you want for your wedding. Haha! So if telling her what you want didn’t work… then I would take things a little farther. Sit her down and say, mom we YOU and dad are not walking me down the aisle. I understand it’s a traditional thing and that you really want to do it… but it’s not my vision at all. It’s MY wedding and you already had your chance to plan yours. It would really help me if you supported me in this. On my wedding day, you will be escorted to your sit and you will be sitting down while I WALK down the aisle with grandma and grandpa. That’s how it’s going to be. If you continue to try and tell me what to do, then maybe I should just get somebody completely different to walk me down.. either way you’re not doing it.

Of course, I don’t know you or your mom, so that whole conversation is me imagining my own mother. I think she needs a good talking to and needs a little reminder that the wedding is about joining you and your fiance together. Yes, family is important and must celebrate as well… but the moment is between you and him. The end.

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