Post # 1
My Fiance and I are trying to plan our wedding but, my mom has taken control of planning my wedding. She has even gone as far as to tell me who is going to walk me down the asile. I have told her over and over again that I want to have my mom and my grandfater walk me down. Here is where the problem lies my grandmother wont walk down with my step dad. My mom wants both my dad and my mom to walk me half way then my grandparents the rest of the way both my Fiance and I agree that to do that its silly. How do I regain control from my mom and put my foot down and say this is not your wedding and this is how I want things done??
Post # 3
Look at her, be calm and sweetly say:
“this is not your wedding and this is how I want things done”
the way you just did. I would nip, nip, nip this in the bud right now. Good luck
Post # 4
@luckyprincess:Belive me I’ve tried. I’ve no enlisted the help of my aunt to talk to my mom and try to make her relize that. Not only has my mom had her turn twice in the spot light but now wants it for a third time with my wedding. She has even gone as far as to start going and talking to catorers and tasteing some of their food without even talking to me or my Fiance. The thing that really makes me mad is that she has started to look at dresses and not ask me what I think about them. She has her special ones that she likes but not sent me a link so that I can look at them. Its gotten to the point where my Fiance and I are seriously thinking of eloping just to avoid dealing with her and what wedding plans she has created in her mind
Post # 6
@creativeplannertobee:Yep but she continually says that its what ever my Fiance and I want to do and would like to do for our wedding which has become her wedding now and no longer mine and my Fiance wedding
Post # 7
@GaN12: woah, not cool, Mom, not. cool.
Does she know how frustrated you are? Like, that you’re considering eloping?
I would sit her down and say (exactly) the following:
“Mom, I love you, and I appreciate that you want to help us with the wedding, but your words and your behavior are not lining up, and that is frustrating me and Fiance. This is my wedding, and I have a lot of ideas of my own – I appreciate your help, but it’s not your decision who will walk me down the aisle, it’s not your decision what we will serve at the reception or who will cater it. It’s not your decision ____ [fill in the blank]. Those are decisions that Fiance and I need to make, together, just the two of us. If we need input or assistance, we’ll ask you.
You keep telling me that whatever I want is fine, but when it comes time to make a decision, you don’t listen to what I want. I love you, and I don’t want to hurt our relationship over this, but you need to understand that Fiance and I will have the wedding that we want, NOT the wedding that you want, even if that means we have to elope without you, or pay for this ourselves and not inform you of the date we’ve chosen or any other details until they’re settled, decided and paid for.
We want and value your input, but you need to calm down. This isn’t your wedding, it’s my wedding, and making these decisions together is very important to Fiance and I as a stage of growth in our relationship. It’s important to us that the two of us get to do this together, and you are hurting that. Please stop.”
Post # 8
Once my aunt talked to my mom and got her to take a step back and refocus. Now it seems that she won’t even bring up anything wedding related unless I do it first. Which is good. It may take some time for her to have all that was said to sink in. Thankfully it has made planning if I can got over my fear of walking down the aisle a little bit less stressful for me. Now that she has climbed down from her post life I hope that the relationship that my mom and I share has not been bruised by my aunts help of making my mom realize that its no longer her turn in the spot light but that its mine and my Fiance turn to bask in the spot light for a little while.
Post # 9
Uhhh…WOW. I had this similar problem (not to this extent) when I first got engaged. My mom wanted to do it her way. I told her that it wasn’t her wedding, so butt out. (I know that’s mean but dang, can’t a girl plan her own wedding?!)
Keep your head up and keep us updated doll!
Post # 10
Hm, your mom probably thinks she knows best and just wants the wedding to the best it can be. That being said, you know what you want for your wedding. Haha! So if telling her what you want didn’t work… then I would take things a little farther. Sit her down and say, mom we YOU and dad are not walking me down the aisle. I understand it’s a traditional thing and that you really want to do it… but it’s not my vision at all. It’s MY wedding and you already had your chance to plan yours. It would really help me if you supported me in this. On my wedding day, you will be escorted to your sit and you will be sitting down while I WALK down the aisle with grandma and grandpa. That’s how it’s going to be. If you continue to try and tell me what to do, then maybe I should just get somebody completely different to walk me down.. either way you’re not doing it.
Of course, I don’t know you or your mom, so that whole conversation is me imagining my own mother. I think she needs a good talking to and needs a little reminder that the wedding is about joining you and your fiance together. Yes, family is important and must celebrate as well… but the moment is between you and him. The end.
Post # 11
@kperry3:Belive me I have been trying to get her to relize that. She even has told me that I cannot tell my grand mother anything until a certin time. That to me seems a little crazy as well. my fiance and I even agreed that if things still do not go the way that we would like them to then we are just going to elope and have a recption on the day that the wedding was going to take place. The funny thing is that his parents are absolutly fine with the idea of us eloping. Its my family that want the big white wedding and while yes I would love to have a wedding like that the only thing that is holding me back is that I’m scared to walk down the asile. The thing is it wont matter who walks me down that day if the wedding happends I don’t think that I’ll be able to walk down with out my legs turning intol jello and me blacking out and its a year and six mounths until our wedding.