(Closed) Help. My fiance cheated

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3261 posts
Sugar bee

Leave him without hestitation. It’s obvious this man does not love, or respect you. Forget the wedding and the money, your personal well-being is more important.

Post # 5
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I am sorry you’re in this situation…. it must hurt a lot.

Maybe he feels it’s not cheating because it’s not with another “woman”? I would definitely have a talk with him about the whole situation and have him explain his actions and how he views marriage and commitment. 

Post # 6
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow. That is a lot to take in and I can not imagine what you are going through. Honestly if I had found this out about my fiance there would be no way I would go on with the wedding. It would make me sick losing all of the money you had put towards the wedding but can you honestly stand up there and marry a man you barely know now? I couldn’t. I would put the wedding off and if you really care for him I would bring this up and you can see wher eit goes from there. I know thats not much help.

Post # 7
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Forget about the lost money.  A happy lifetime is priceless and you can’t have that with this guy.  Break it off and get tested for the full array of Save-The-Date Cards ASAP.

Post # 8
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First of all BREATHE. Just breathe. You need to talk to him and call it off. Money is not worth the rest of your life like this. Then you need to talk to your family and tell them what is going on. They will understand. I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

Post # 9
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@emceecee:   I don’t think he doesn’t love you, probably as much as he’s capable of loving, based on your description.  However,  I think he is bisexual and you didn’t know that until now.

I honestly don’t know what I would do if I were you in this situation, I just wanted to say ((HUGS)) and offer my support.  My heart is so sad for you.  Cry  He has broken your trust.

You’re going to have to tell him what you know.  And please get some counseling for yourself to help you cope with this betrayal.  I think you should postpone or cancel the wedding, you can’t go through with it because you don’t know the man you’re marrying – you only know the part of him he’s chosen to reveal to you.  But there is another side to him, obviously.

He needs to come completely clean with you before you move forward with this relationship for another minute.  You’re in shock, no doubt.  The man you thought you knew you just found out does not even exist.

Please take care of yourself.

Post # 10
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@hopefloats:  This.

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. But, if you don’t leave him, you will be subjecting yourself to a lifetime of unhappiness, worry, and potential health problems.

I also wanted to add that if he has been answering ads on craigslist and other places, you should get yourself checked out for anything that could have been passed along to you.

I wish you the best, you can do way better than this guy.

Post # 11
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

If you cannot speak to him, print out what you just typed out to us and show it to him. He’ll know what’s wrong.


And then you LEAVE.  You must.  I’m not sure how you could possibly go through a marriage after this kind of betrayal.  Do not concern yourself with money spent, honeymoon plans – nothing.  They are material things that you do not need.  

Good luck to you.

Post # 12
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

I’m not going to tell you to dump his ass and move on, if you don’t want to.  You have to think long and hard about what you need to do FOR YOU. 

I think what you need to realize is that your boyfriend is bisexual (at least), and that he “needs’ that part of his sexual life to feel fulfilled. 

Are you okay with him hooking up with men on the side of your marriage?  If you’re not, you need to get out now – because this isn’t going to go away! He is always going to want to sleep with men, clearly. 

What would I do, if I were you?  I wouldn’t out him to his family, but I would tell my family and friends what happened (ie: I found out he was having gay sex with men he met online) so that they could support you, and believe me… no one, NO ONE, is going to tell you to think twice, or just marry him anyway.  I would then leave him.  Tell him why, nad cut off contact. 

And before all that – GET TESTED!  As shitty as this sounds: safe sex in the gay community (at least where I am from) is foreign.  I have multiple friends that have contracted HIV and it wasn’t until after they were sick that they realized they should use a condom.  Also…. I’ve read stats that when people cheat, they are less likely to use protection because the sex doesn’t “seem real”. 

Bee hugs – stay strong.  Decide if you can deal with your husband having a taste (and hooking up with) for men… and if not: get the fuck out.  And GET TESTED.  Stay safe.  

Post # 13
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

When I read “We are getting married in only a few weeks.” my thought was “no you are not getting married.”

Your gut told you something was wrong and you looked at info.  Please make an appointment with your doctor ASAP to be tested for all STD’s.  This man has put your health at risk with cheating and risky behavior.

Anyone would understand and encourage you to call off this wedding.  Please do not go through with it.  You deserve so much better.

Post # 14
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am sorry you are going throught this.  Why would you want to continue on with him after finding all this out?  Please leave and get yourself tested

Post # 15
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Leave him. Who cares about the amount of money you spent. You dont want to spend the rest of your life wondering if he is doing this to do you over and over again

Post # 16
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I read your post, and I am so sorry for you going through this. I agree with the PP’s here, your money put towards the wedding is not more important than your wellbeing which should be no.1. I know it sucks losing deposits etc, but you need to face this and not go through with the wedding just because and I don’t really think it will ever make you happy. 

How horrible and what a terrible way to find out, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I think it was good you found out before the wedding.

Call this off and go your own way! 


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