(Closed) Help. My fiance cheated

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Oh my heart is breaking for you. I have never been in a situation where my so cheated on me with the same sex, I have however had a fiance to cheat on me constantly. I know the words I am going to say will not make it easy for you. Hell, nobody’s words are going to be what you wanna hear, but what you dont wanna do is start your marriage in a lie. When he leaves you will always be second guessing if he’s going to cheat on you. No one deserves that. Not to bring up the elephant in the room. When it comes to being intimate are you really going to want to after finding this out. ” What if he has something and gives it to you. Something you can’t get rid of”. Money can be replaced. Sometimes the things we want most arent whats best for us. I am going to keep you in my prayers.

Post # 78
Member
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

I am so, so sorry for you, OP. You haven’t done anything to deserve this; I hope you know that this isn’t because of any failing in you. Your Fiance is either gay and trying to deny it, or bisexual and doesn’t feel he has to be monogamous as long as the other people he’s having sex with are other men, or bisexual and weak and hoping you never find out. I really, really hope that you 1. get tested for STDs and 2. cancel the wedding.

I know a couple who went through this, except the woman didn’t find out about her husband’s gay encounters until long after they were married and had several children. You DON’T want to find yourself in that position. You know this information and you can’t un-know it. It’s awful, but now you have to take some deep breaths and move forward. I’d strongly suggest a therapist to help you through this difficult time. If you can’t bear the thought of telling other people (family, friends) WHY you’re canceling the wedding, you could say something like, “I learned some things about Fiance that he’d been hiding from me, things that make it impossible for me to go through with the wedding. I’m sorry, that’s all I can share right now.”

I am thinking many good thoughts for you. I’m so sorry.

Post # 79
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First of all, just because a man is bisexual does not mean he is never going to be satisfied in a monogamous relationship with a woman. Being bisexual doesn’t automatically mean the guy will be a cheater.  Also, because he is interested in sex with other men does not mean he is gay and afraid to come out of the closet.  That’s a load of bull cocky.

It’s not okay that he’s cheated on you at all.  It’s not okay that he was sharing private photos of you with strangers.  It’s not okay that he wasn’t forthcoming about his sexuality either.  I understand why he may not have told you about being bisexual, but that doesn’t make it right.  I think you need to confront him and show him what you’ve found.  There really isn’t any excuse for his behavior, so really it comes down to whether or not you want to work this out.  If you know you cannot get past this, then you need to confront him and move on.  If that’s the path you decide to take, I would not out him to family and friends.  

Post # 80
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

OMG I know this must be so difficult! I am so sorry! Please leave, don’t stay and put yourself through that agony. Just because he was cheating with men does NOT make it ok.

Post # 81
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

I am so, so, so, so sorry. That is horrible. I agree with what everyone else has said…get tested, protect yourself. Find a place to go, first off. Then focus on what you can do about all of the wedding stuff. It is a lot to come to terms with, and I’m sorry that this happened to you. At least you aren’t married, already. It seems like your fiancé has a lot to work through by himself. He might be homosexual, but trying to cover it up, and that isn’t fair to you or him. If you can’t confront him quite yet, go stay with someone for a few days and get some distance from the situation and then when you’re ready and have a plan explain to him why the wedding is off. Please do not marry him.

Post # 82
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsBlueSeptember:  Just because he’s with a woman doesn’t mean he’s bisexual either. He needs to come to terms with his sexuality and decides what he really wants. If he was simply bisexual, he might be satisfied without the premise of a heterosexual relationship. No one knows what his sexuality is, and it’s not really important. He obviously has issues with fidelity and shouldn’t be getting married in a few weeks, period. 

Post # 83
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow. Bee hug..HUMAN hug…WOMAN TO WOMAN HUG! Im in tears upon reading this post. I will sound like all of the other PPs when I tell you from my heart: DO NOT MARRY HIM. It is not because he is bisexual, it is ONLY because he has LIED to you. Whether it be omission or any other way – this MAN, your “SOULMATE”  has fractured every and any bond you both had.

Had you not had some strange feeling and opened his email (and SCREW those who say you shouldn’t have or that you were looking for trouble – as a matter of fact send those naysayers my way) you would have been married; later on probably trying to conceive and then what? Faced with a divorce w/ a young child from a man who didnt trust you enough to express his desires for men, then he didn’t LOVE you enough to not have affairs?!?

You don’t owe ANYONE an explanation on why you are holding off or even cancelling the wedding. You are out MONEY..not OUT dignity, NOT OUT living a lie.

Be strong…

 

Post # 84
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am sorry to say this but….you absolutely without hesitation need to leave this man. Not only has he cheated on you, but he has carried on a completely double life that you had no idea existed. This is not a small thing that can be swept under the rug. Marraige is not something anyone should be entering into lightly.

Post # 85
Bee
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

OP:  Can you give us all an update?  Were you able to talk to your Fiance and tell him about the information that you uncovered?

Post # 87
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@glittermoon:  No one knows what his sexuality is, and it’s not really important.

How ever did I imply that was what was important here?  I think you’ve mistaken what I said in my first paragraph to be in defense of the OP’s fiance.  That’s not what I was doing, at all.  I was addressing a couple of people here who had suggested that bisexuality is synonmous with infidelity. Someone else said he is probably just afraid to come out of the closet.  Neither of those assumptions are fair to anyone else who is bisexual or homosexual.  

View original reply
@emceecee:  Good luck.  I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling right now.  I’m so sorry.

Post # 88
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, I am so sorry.  It’s hard to hear but it seems like you really need to take some time for yourself and reflect on all of this.  Get your facts together, and wait until you’re composed enough to confront him with everything you know. 

I think it seems like things went really fast with your relationship, which can work for some couples.  However if you’ve been together less than a year and were away from him that whole time, and were cheated on, then your relationship is not what it appears to be.  It’s better to cut ties now and deal with the aftermath then to move forward in a relationship that appears to be doomed.

Post # 89
Member
2303 posts
Buzzing bee

I am so sorry you had to find this out the hard way and that he put you through this. No one deserves to be treated like that. With that being said ( and I want to stress that I really mean it), if you stay with him and marry him in a few weeks because of the money and the honeymoon and the dress, you fully deserve to be treated like this and all that comes with it. 

How could you do this to yourself? You know the answer to “what should I do?”. you knew deep down (and ignored it) that you have always had your suspicions and that he may not be the guy you are idealizing him as. Now you have the ability to do something about it and you’re really thinking about just going through with the wedding because of the money….? I know you may love him, but he sure doesn’t love you 🙁 

Again, I’m really sorry you have to go through the pain, but you can do something about it!

Post # 90
Bee
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@emceecee:  I”m so so sorry sweetie. I’m glad we were able to tell you what you needed to hear. 

The reason why you don’t see a cheater and liar is becuase you’re in the denial stage of grief. 

Please update us on your situation once you have a chance to talk to him.  Please, stand your ground, and remember that what he did wasn’t okay, and that you have every right to be upset.

Post # 91
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

m so sorry you are having to go through this!!! please talk to him though.

The topic ‘Help. My fiance cheated’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors