(Closed) Help. My fiance cheated

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Mrs. Louboutin:  I don’t think this has anything to do with “for better or worse”…this has to do with the fact that her fiance may not even be physically attracted to her, and what’s more, it wasn’t just ONE person, it was several, and all MEN…that right there says something about if she can understand why he did it and if they can work through it…it erks me when people use vows as a way to get out of doing horrendous things to the people they love…you tell me if you found out your DH had cheated on you with several strange men if you wouldn’t go running to the one person closest to you asking for advice on what to do…

Post # 108
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

*HUGS!* I am so sorry this is happening to you. It’s obviously not easy to go through, but you can do it! I, personally, would leave my Fiance if he cheated on me, especially with men that he met online just to have sex, even if my wedding was just weeks away. Again, that’s just what I would do. It’s great that you’re at least letting this out with us on here, but when you find the strength within yourself, try to talk to him about it. See why he’s been hiding it from you this whole time. Please get yourself checked as well. Your health and happiness comes first, even before all the money that was spent on this wedding. 

After you talk to him you might need a shoulder to cry on or someone to hug you. Seek family or friends to help you get through this rough situation. It might not be easy, but I promise you that time heals all and you will be fine again. Stay strong! xo

Post # 109
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m truly sorry for you, I know it must be so hard to deal with.. I cant tell you what to do, but if I was you I would definitely leave him without thinking it twice. I’m a psychologist and for experience, if you forgive cheaters, they will cheat on you again.. And if he’s homosexual or bisexual, he might always have that “adrenaline rush” towards guys EVEN if he’s married with you… You’re still on time to get rid of a billion more problems and a lot of suffering.. Hope it helps..

Post # 110
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Forget about the lost money, chances are you’d probably lose more in a divorce very shortly anyway. Your happiness means a lot more. I would leave him without any hesitation. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.

Post # 111
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m sorry you’re going through this awfulness.

Speaking from experience, people who cheat and conceal things to this extent do not change. He will continue to cheat and conceal things throught your marriage, no matter what promises he makes when you confront him, something is stopping him from 100% committing to you.

Yes, he could be bisexual or homosexual or experimenting, but the important thing is he has lied to you and disrespected you, he can’t communicate openly with you. He is risking your health. This is not the basis of a good and happy and LOVING marriage.

Please do not go through with the wedding, he will not miraculously change to the perfect husband afterwards and you will both be facing a lifetime of unhappiness or a divorce.

Walking away now could be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

Post # 112
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Take heart, it is awful to have to face such a massive betrayal so close to your wedding, but rather now than after the wedding.

So much wise advice has been posted. I am probably repeating what has been said, BUT get tested, get a support network around you who you can trust to support you. I am sure you know what needs to happen now and there is such a rough road ahead, so I wish you the best of luck .

Post # 113
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum

OMG, this is just awful. I am supporting you from the UK 🙂

Post # 114
Member
3132 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

OP, please tell us you made it through the night.  Were you able to stay with your family or someone else who cares about you?  I’m rooting for you.  I know you can make it through all this.

Post # 115
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

(((so many hugs)))

I just wanted to post to let you know that you are not alone. I have not been EXACTLY where you are, but I’ve found myself in similar circumstances before.

Basically, my ex boyfriend went behind my back and advertised on Craigslist for acts with men as well. I found out after we broke up and I’d kicked him out. I remember feeling very dumb, humiliated, and terrified because I had no idea if he’d given me anything.

But, you know, I wasn’t dumb — I was just not aware that a guy could be so terrible. The humiliation was HIS, not mine…and I got myself tested to calm my fears. This is what I want to pass on to you —

1.) You didn’t do anything wrong.

2.) You are not dumb, stupid, or bad for not catching this. You’re incredibly intuitive for catching it NOW before marrying him. And you’re a good, trusting person who didn’t see this coming. There’s nothing wrong with that.

3.) He should be embarassed of himself…not because he may have homosexual tendencies…but because his actions show everyone what kind of person he is. It’s one thing to question your sexuality; it’s another to deeply deeply hurt people with your actions.

4.) Please go get tested. I know it’s embarassing and everything, but it’s necessary. You need to get tested for everything including HIV. They will not run an HIV test unless you expressly ask – so please be sure to ask.

5.) You will make it through this. Money is money, it’s not worth ruining your life over. You will be able to get through it; you will survive. Things will get better. You will be able to take care of yourself. You will not be alone.

 

And last, I really do hope you let this guy go because there’s an amazing person out there waiting for you somewhere. But, you have to let go of this one in order to find the right one. It  may not happen today or tomorrow while you’re picking up the pieces…but it will happen. And when it does, you will be so incredibly glad that you didn’t settle on anything less than the right man for you.

Post # 116
Member
6386 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

So sorry this happened to you, please stay strong and do what is right for you.  It took a lot of courage to post this and truly face it.  I know it’s hard to think about right now, but like many other bees have said, GO GET TESTED.  Your health and safety are so important, don’t let this situation jeopardize that any further. 

My heart really goes out to you and I hope that you choose to call off the wedding.  The money that you have spent will be nothing in comparison to a lifetime of feeling insecure in your relationship, especially when there is a man out there that will cherish you.  You didn’t do anything wrong, this is an issue that your Fiance couldn’t be honest about.  You deserve better.  *HUGS* 

Post # 117
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@emceecee:  In the long run ask yourself some questions…Are you willing to pay for a lawyer for divorce and for the assets to be shared and accumilated between the both of you? It will cost a lot more than just letting the man go.

 I would never marry someone who cheated on me that is why I was never engaged before. I waited for the right guy for me. I asked God the type of man I was looking for and thought there was no such thing in this dream man and then I met him and married him, mind you there was lots of drama before and during the wedding, not because of him, but we still got married.

 I am so sorry you found this info, but better now than after the wedding and you will always have a chance with a guy that is right for you in the future. So keep your dress for that special guy or sell it on kijiijii. Someone will buy it, if you don’t want it, cause it’s tainted.

Also, go on this paid honeymoon you never know Mr. right could be waiting there for you. Or you can just clear your mind and forget him. I’m so sad for you that he wasn’t truthful to you, he probly is still in denial of his status. I know you seem so in love with this man, but really honey he’s gay. He will cheat more and possibly give you a disease especially from Craigs List. Go get yourself checked right away to make sure your ok.

Post # 118
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Any updates @emceecee?

Post # 119
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Here is a possible ending to your story if you decide to marry him…

My ex and I got married. We had dated for 1 and a half years and we’re engaged for another year and a half. At the time I had ‘feelings’ too but nothing concrete and he always reassured me and looked at me with love in his eyes. Over the years we had 3 children, went to church as a family every Sunday and made a home together.

Fast forward 15 years when I found out that he was lying to me about financial things and emailing strange women…then came discovery of the strippers (he was sleeping with!) and the porn obsession. He still looked at me with love and cried over our wedding photos lamenting at what had happened to us!

Long story short he left and then I found out that he was one of three possible fathers of a child that was conceived while we were ENGAGED!

Then we get to the real ‘fun’ stuff (sarcasm intended…I won’t go into what he has done/is doing to our children because you don’t have kids). He was the only one I had ever been with and I got tested for STIs which came up fine until I had a pap test. I contracted HPV from him. I have now had 12 biopsies and 2 cervical excisions in the last 2 years. The first excision (even though I hemorraghed and ended up in ER for 2 days) seemed to work but the abnormal (precancerous/cancerous) cells came back in 7 months. I’m due for my next biopsy in January.

I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life. He is remarried and has started on his cycle again with her.

Get tested (and continue to get tested)…and leave now!

Post # 120
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry for you. I can’t believe how he has treated you, nor come to imagine how you might be feeling. I’m devastated for you, I actually feel sick. I hope you find the strength to put this person behind you, and find something better. You have all my support <3

Post # 121
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I could cry for you. Some people are just so incredibly inconsiderate and I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. I have to agree with most, leave him now! Take a friend on the ‘honeymoon’ and celebrate that you did not marry this little boy.

 

Dont think twice!

Hug

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