- Mrs. Eagle
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
OP: Do you have any updates? We’re all thinking about you…
OP: Do you have any updates? We’re all thinking about you…
I am so sorry!!! I would at least say you should postpone the wedding. I can’t imagine marrying someone after finding out all of this information. With therapy and honesty you may be able to pull out of this togehter. That is a big maybe though!
@emceecee: First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Secondly, here is my honest opinion: leave him without hesitation and NEVER look back. You have to love yourself more than this. Forget the money, forget the time spent, the plans, forget everything and SAVE YOURSELF…
I spoke with him last night. I am more confused than I was to begin with.
He claims he did not sleep with anyone he spoke to via craigslist. He said it is something he as always done. It was like porn to him. And then he fessed up that he posted ads with the intention of cheating. The intentions of sleeping with these men, but chickend out every time. I pointed out to him that that was still cheating. Whether he engaged in physical acts with these people, he still spoke to them with the intention to do so, and shared photos of himself, as well as received photos of them. He understood that it is cheating to do such things.
He was pretty speechless. He swore up and down that he didnt go further than emails with these people. I dont know that I believe that. Especially with the last email I read giving specific times of availability, and him asking if the other man wanted to mess around on the regular. He claims the guy never showed, and neither did he. He did reveal to me that he did this pretty much the whole time in Afghanistan.
And then flikr. Hes into voyeurism. News to me. But, also interesting that he goes from emailing men back and forth to get off, to telling the world on flikr that he is taken and happily married, and cant wait to be home.
I am staying with my mom right now, and not speaking to him. I need time to work through everything that I am thinking and feeling. I do not know where I stand, what I believe, or if I have it in me to work through this with him.
It is now just a waiting game. I will speak to him again soon, and am hoping this time apart will bring more honesty from him.
He did tell me, all on his own, without ideas from me, that he will do whatever it takes to earn my trust back. That he will seek therapy, and classes. That to prove to me it all never went beyond emails, he will email everyone and ask. Anyone he works with. I, of course, told him no, how am I supposed to believe that. I told him that I have lost all trust, and how am I supposed to believe anything.
He is owning up to his actions somewhat, as he told his mom that the wedding is on hold due to his screwing up.
Still do not know what to think. Now I just wait.
And, by the way… I am not against him being bisexual. I am bisexual. Was with a woman for five years before my relationship with him. If anything… I told him if that is what he wants, he needs to explore that before he decides he can go on for the rest of his life without it. He said he is not curious.
I have many questions for him now.
Wow, that doesn’t sound like anything is more clear than before. Did you bring up the fact that he posted naked photos of you? In my mind, there are several issues which- standing alone- would be enough for a breakup. The photos alone is a huge violation.
That it never went beyond emails- very hard to believe. Have you gotten tested yet? While I hope it doesn’t happen, a positive result on something could give you an answer about whether he is being honest now….
@emceecee: i’m sorry, i still think he’s lying to you. if he didn’t show up, how would he know the other guy didn’t show???? he’s lying. period. he cheated.
i’m glad you are staying with your mom and that the wedding is on hold. i don’t think that trust will be rebuilt by the end of the month. you may want to consider postponing it sooner than later to see if you can get any deposits back.
I couldn’t even read all of the responses, but I am so sorry and offer my hugs and prayers to you.
I can’t really advise you on what to do in this situation because the amount of shock this would be to me would be surreal too. I will however tell you this…RUN to the nearest clinic and get yourself checked out. All of that sleeping around with random strangers essentially could have put you at risk for who knows what. Take care of yourself.
Thanks for the update! Stay strong and you will be fine.
Dont stay with him, not only is he likely lying about not going further than emails, but he already has an extensive history of seeking sex outside of your relationship, this is a habit for him and he will not change. He lies about being curious about men when he CLEARLY is. He has a lot of issues to work through, but you deserve better than a man who makes a habit of seeking out other people for sexual excitement when he is in a relationship with you. You can have sympathy for him without chaining yourself to this confused, selfish individual for life. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Its easier for us to say move on, run away, leave him because we don’t have emotions, feelings and time invested with this person, of course. No one really knows what you are really going thru and how you’re feeling, but yourself. We can only state the obvious from what you tell us and that is to leave him.
I was in a verbally, physical, mentally abusive relationship and he cheated multiple times. He Cried, apologized numerous times. I would always go back to him despite of everyone telling me not to and me myself knowing I shouldn’t. After 8 yrs being with each other, he never changed and I never fully trusted him. I was miserable. Finally hit me one day that I don’t want to live this life, I didn’t derseve it. I to was deeply in love with this man and had high hopes of him becoming my “dream man.” But he didn’t. It just got worse. I was devastated being with him so long, I thought i’ll be alone. But now I’m going to marry someone who loves me, adores me, makes me laughs, protects me and most important Respects me. Its going to hurt for a while, but you can move on from this.
The main concept is that the trust, love, respect is gone and believe me, its very hard to gain it back. From my experience, please don’t waste 8yrs like I have for someone who shouldn’t have put you in this position in the first place. I’m only 28, but no one should go through this at any age. Good Luck hun!
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