(Closed) HELP! My Fiancé does not understand the whole “Wedding Day”

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

That’s a toughie.  Everyone is different.  It may be your dream wedding day, but to him its just the start of a marriage which is obviously what he wants more.  There’s going to be a compromise somewhere, or else your in for a rough road.  I don’t really think its fair for you to potentially resent him for believing what he belives with dream weddings.  He’s entitled to have his opinion and you will just have to sit down and talk to him.  You cant go into debt for a single day, he may feel that way.  You have to find a middle. 

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would sit down and figure out your must haves, wants, and can do withouts. See if you can fit everything into a smaller budget. WE both really wanted to have a destination wedding, but people couldn’t afford it, so then we decided that we wanted to just get married in the court house and have dinner with our families. But then, we decided that we needed to have a wedding, so everyone could come and celebrate, so we did that, on about $9k. Trust me, it can be done, you just have to be willing to sacrifice some things

Post # 5
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This might not be what you want to hear, but try to remember that it’s just one day- sure, it’s the day you marry your Fiance, but you have the rest of your lives ahead of you to spend together and he must be thinking about the financial future.

I’m planning a wedding for about 130 guests on a budget of $5k, and from what I have done so far it is going to be absolutely beautiful. There are a lot of budget options out there, and if you need help on cutting anything specific just ask us Bees and we might be able to help 🙂

I did notice you said that he’s only contributing $5k and you have to pay the rest… aren’t you combining your money once you get married? So isn’t it all both of your money anyway, so when you spend $10k you’re still spending his $10k…

ETA: Would you be willing to give us your current budget breakdown? If you’re willing we could advise you on what can be cut or some cheaper options.

Post # 6
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It’s not “giving into him.” It’s realizing that he has made a reasonable request and being mature enough to understand that planning for a financially secure future is more important than a big party for one day. 

Post # 7
Member
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

The thing is your Fiance does understand the whole “Wedding Day” in that it is just one day. Marriages without compromise do not last so this is a good time to get started. Don’t you think he’ll resent you if he gives in, funds this wedding and is broke?

Stop crying. He prob just thinks you’re trying to manipulate him emotionally to get your way. You need to have a calm discussion about how both of you can meet in the middle. Have you booked a venue yet? Can you push things back to save more? Your budget is not 20k if you can’t come up with 10k so it may be time to step back and re-evaluate.

I also want to say. It is totally ok to mourn the wedding of your dreams. We spent more than you’ve budgeted buuuut we agreed to it. If he had been completely uncomfortable with our budget we would have cut back.

Post # 8
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@Soon to be Mrs B: You guys really need to sit down and together, figure out how you picture this wedding. I wanted to elope, and my Fiance wanted to invite everyone we have ever met. So we sat down, and came to an agreement. Your Fiance is right, its one day. But I also understand that youve probably been dreaming and thinking of this day for a long time. You really need to come up with a bidget you both feel comfortable with, and then go from there.

Post # 9
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think another idea would be to have him help you find ways to trim the cost. I find that most of the time we (women) do most of the comparing and pricing and it gives us an understanding of what things will run. It’s when our men are given a task to start looking or talking prices that they begin to understand. You probably can meet somewhere in the middle. 

Post # 10
Member
6341 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

At the moment, you have 10k to work with, plus whatever you can save yourself; so, work to that. There is no point working to a ‘budget’ of 20k when you don’t have 20k to spend.

I also agree that you need to learn to compromise; you can have a very nice wedding for 10k, you don’t need to spend twice that, and your OH is right: like it or not, it IS just one day. Crying is immature, and won’t get you anywhere; you need to sit down and talk about this properly, like adults, and reach some kind of compromise.

Post # 11
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Sorry if this comes out blunt but, I have to agree with PP in that you need to sit down with him and come up with a budget you both are comfortable with. Your dream wedding may be to spend 20k on one day, but his dream may be to be able to be financially secure for his family FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. Maybe you should both try to understand each other’s wants and find a compromise.

Post # 12
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You probably don’t want to hear this but I think your Fiance is completely correct. 

It is just ONE day and it is a PARTY and it isn’t that it’s less important or anything but you should be thinking about your financial future. You have $5k from him and $5k from your parents and whatever else you have saved up. There is no reason you can’t have a wonderful wedding with that amt of money. 

My wedding is in 5 weeks and our budget is at $3k and it’s sooooo pretty because I did my research and ordered mostly everything online at ebay or other locations with deals. And I did it all in 6 months also. It’s possible. 

If you can’t compromise with this how are you going to compromise and be a team in a marriage??

Post # 13
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Soon to be Mrs B:  Did you both sit down and go over the budget?  It doesn’t look like it to me since he has his budget and you have yours.  I think your Fiance has a reasonable request and I feel that he’s thinking about the marriage more than the wedding day.  It’s understandable that you want the day to be special but you also have to be practical about your limits.  I suggest cutting back on expenses and/or the guestlist.  And for the “wants,” I’m sure you can find something similar but less expensive.

Post # 14
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

PP advice is good. Priorities, an agreed upon budget, etc.

Weddings can be crazy expensive. But it’s also one day.

I think there’s a lot of hype out there about making a wedding “perfect” or a “dream day.” It’s not. It’s about you and your future husband. And if committing to that big wedding is going to put a strain on your financial future, the two of you need to agree on that.

You said he’s not normally “cheap.”  Why don’t you work out a financial plan together beyond the wedding – 1 year, 5 year, 10 years?

Post # 15
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Something that stands out to me here is that you are saying “he will give 5K” and you have to come up with the rest.  I don’t know about other couples, but my money is his money, his money is my money from the beginning.  It is not MY  money or HIS money.   It is OUR money.

It does not matter who makes more.  If he is doing this to you now, is he going to put you on a budget when you are married?  I would sit back and think about this one. 

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