(Closed) Help, my fiance got me a wedding ring and I can't stand it :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry, that’s a difficult one. Luckily what you want is more affordable. Would he be open to you getting a thin plain band too (once he realizes it is more affordable) and you could wear that snake one sometimes, as your “fancy” one, but the plain band most of the time? Or the snake one on your right hand? Which I think is where they wear wedding rings in Europe anyway.

He also may not mind returning the snake band once he realizes what you want is more affordable. Sure he was a little hurt you didn’t love his surprise but a good relationship can easily move on from such a small bump in the road as that. 

If necessary, you may need to explain to him that in western culture, the snake is not a positive symbol, which it may well be in his culture. You can explain you don’t want people making the wrong, negative associations they have about snakes, with your marriage.

Post # 4
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Any chance he might have been joking? I can’t imagine a snake ring being popular in any culture. Assuming it’s not a joke, I agree that any strong relationship should be able to weather an uncomfortable conversation. Try to equate it to something he can relate to. For example, how would he feel if you chose a ring for him that was a butterfly or something? Probably not his style…. just a guess. Tell him you genuinely appreciate the gesture but you had something more classic in mind. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I can imagine how you’re feeling. 

 

A piece for advice for the future: any occasions where Darling Husband wants to get me a gift, he will ask for what I want and I will send him photos of roughly what I’m looking for, and he tries to stick to it. Saves a lot of disappointment and store returns!!!

Post # 6
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

awww no I completely understand it is an unusal choice for a wedding ring, is it actually a snake with a head and tongue and tail? or could he have just described the stuyle of it as a snake like metophorically? xx

Post # 7
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Now I totally have to see this ring…

Post # 9
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’ve never understood snake/spider jewelry. Women tend to HATE snakes and spiders… why do they wear them on necklaces and brooches and rings? o_O

Anyway… yeah, no this would be very uncomfortable. 

Maybe you can explain to him that you want something more… timeless and understated rather than unique and blingy. You don’t want it to be a “fad” ring. You also don’t want something symobolic to be an actual existing and recognizable item or animal… It’s supposed to be abstract and symbolic. It shouldn’t say “I like love snakes” (which is what it would definitely seem like)

Just explain to him that he didn’t fail; it’s just a matter of personal tastes, and that one simply can’t really help what they do/don’t like… It’s not his fault at all and you don’t expect him to jump into your head and know your style preferences. You either like something or not. You can’t control it. Would he want you to lie and tell him you loved it when you don’t? 

Plus… how would you get a band for it? 

Do you dislike snakes? That can also help… lol 

 

Post # 10
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

omg I hope he was joking. I’m always on the side of you should have what you want because you’re wearing it forever, but some girls go a little over the top with hating their rings.  However, I think you’re completely justified in not wanting to wear a snake ring lol.

I’d offer to pay for your own wedding band if money is the issue here.  

Post # 11
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I’m a fan of the symbolism of snake jewelry and looked into getting a snake wedding ring because of the history/meaning for myself.  That ultimately didn’t happen because my husband wasn’t on board and I ended up with a plain 2mm gold band.  If it doesn’t fit with what you see for your wedding band, then your Fiance needs to respect that and compromise.  Worst case, it could be a right hand ring, I guess… a plain 10k gold band won’t run you much, so hopefully it’s not an issue to get what you really wanted.  I’d explain to him that while you love the symbolism, for an every day ring, you need something simple so that there is never a need to take it off.

Post # 12
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Wow. The possible positive side of a snake wedding band is that they can be symbolic of eternity (the snake forming a circle out of its body, and the ancient belief that snakes had the ability to perpetually renew themselves).  Still … yikes. Are you having a church wedding, by any chance? In Christian iconography, snakes have such a strong association with sin and Satan that you can argue that it’s totally inappropriate to use a snake as a wedding ring. His feelings might still be hurt, of course (no matter what), but if you feel like you need more arguments, that’s a good one.

If it’s a secular wedding, you’ll just have to convince him that you don’t like it.

Post # 13
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

The snake is a sign of eternity and fertility I believe in Egypt. I want to see a photo :D. I’d love a snake ring but I know we are all different and thats what makes us special. Just tell him the truth that it is not what you are accustomed to, and that you’d prefer a simple band.

Post # 14
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Wow I don’t know how he went from a plain gold band to a snake ring.  Especially after you showed him what you wanted and he didn’t ask you beforehand if you’d like a snake instead.

Maybe show him some inexpensive gold rings and ask him to compare to see if the snake ring cost more.  If the snake is returnable, you could suggest getting the gold band instead.

 

Post # 16
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can’t help but feel that this goes a little bit deeper than not liking the snake ring. Are there communication/openness issues in your relationship that could possibly cause problems in the future? Are you reluctant to air your concerns with your partner? I think that a relationship should be able to withstand two people being honest with each other and that each partner should listen to the wishes and desires of the other partner. If I expressed to my partner that I really wanted a plain gold band and he came back with a snake ring, I would be very concerned.

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