- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2016
Hi Everyone. First time posting on a website like this, but I have to. I’m 30, she is 27 turning 28 right after our “wedding”.
As a precursor, the wedding planning became stressful. I admittedly didn’t do my best in the planning and she did most of it, which she hated. I was wrong for assuming that she enjoyed doing the bulk of it, but she didn’t. She got very upset with me one day and I completely took a new role in planning and it was fine afterwards. Then, I had a 2-3 week period more recently when I was incredibly busy with work, in a good way, or so I had thought. She, on the otherhand, had three of the worst weeks of her life at work. She vented to me and I didn’t do enough to help her or be her best friend because I was so pre-occupied. I failed her and it made her very upset, it pretty much led to where we are now.
For the last week, I’ve noticed a more extreme change in behavior in my Fiancee. I’m going to take you all through most of the days.
She has grown distant and has been cold with me. I travel once, maybe twice a month for work. I’m usually gone 2-3 days at a time. I got home about a week ago from a business trip, and she opened the door to let me in, and I had to ASK her to give me a hug and a kiss as I missed her. She usually runs into my arms when I get home. This is when I knew something was wrong.
She is in outside sales and is home before me 99.9% of the time. She has been working very hard on getting this new account for her company and the next day after I got home from my trip, she got home much later than I did. She went to her friends house after work because she needed “alone time”. This comes after I was already away from her for 3 days…. This was incredibly alarming and very unlike her.
Then, last weekend, she throws an incredible surprise birthday party for me. She got me good. I could tell that this was planned for quite a while though and she wasn’t herself during the party. Then, Monday night, I’m ready to get in bed and she says, I want to be alone for a bit is that ok? I go to the living room and sit out there watching tv for an hour and a half. As I get very tired, I head back to the bedroom to sleep, and she gets up and goes to the living room because she had “reading to do for work”. Again, this never happened before. This is when it was getting ugly and really hurting me.
Last night is when it all unraveled and we talked about it. I made dinner (which is rare), put fresh roses in a nice vase on our dining room table, and that’s when she told me she is officially unsure about the wedding. She says she loves me and there is not another guy in the picture. I also asked if she would miss me if I wasn’t in her life anymore, and she said yes. Last night destroyed me emotionally as I love her more than anything. I can’t picture my life without her and we have an incredible honeymoon planned 2 weeks after our wedding date. We have had our bumps along the way, and I feel awful about not being the best fiancee a few weeks ago. She says she needs space and time, but we all know what that means…
Needless to say, it hurts when people ask me at work (which is every day) “how’s the wedding planning going?”, “are you excited for the honeymoon?”. My reponse up until yesterday was, “I can’t wait! I want to get married already :)”. I can’t tell anyone about this without people freaking out and potentially making it worse for me by feeling bad for my situation. This morning, I did vent to her bridesmaid who knows her very well. It turns out that my fiancee vented to her this morning as well, so she is the only one who knows about this. Well, now you do too.
If we choose to postpone the wedding, we all know that it’s very difficult to work things out. It kills me to know that I may have caused all of this just a few weeks ago and that my relationship may end because of it. Oh and, per her request, we slept in separate beds last night too for the first time ever (except for a few drunken nights when we didn’t feel well).
How do I act from now on? How much time and space do I give her? How can I rekindle things or is it too late? It’s tough when you live together and can’t exactly spend time apart. Or do I assume every thing is over and get ready for single life?
Sorry for the long post but I can really use some advice.