Thanks for the responses again everyone. Three weeks have gone by now and we are drifting further apart. A lot has changed since my last post.
I had to spend a couple of nights out of the house (one with my parents, one with one of my ex-groomsmen) because she couldn’t stand to be around me. She was so upset with me that she couldn’t have a constructive conversation. So I packed a bag and left the house on what was the worst night of my life so far. It did, however, push me away from her emontionally, alot. I’m not sure if it was for me to feel like an idiot and make me want her back even more or not, but if that’s what she wanted then it failed miserably.
After the night at my groomsmen’s house, we then went on our scheduled bachelor/bachelorette parties. Mine was a trip away and hers was just a night in NYC with her friends. It was great to get away from it all and to have support from my friends.
Since that weekend away, it has been cold and awkward at home.
This has all made me realize that I have some big issues with her, and that I’m not the only one to blame (even though I’ve accepted all of the blame for what’s happened). There are some things that I don’t like which she will have to changed. All of the following I told her recently:
– she is always on her phone when we are together, whether we are watching tv on the couch, on the porch drinking beer/wine, or out running errands. She’s obsessed with facebook, instagram and texting. I have told her since day 1 of her relationship that I don’t like it. I guess I just got used to it and adapted, so I haven’t brought it up in a while. I have read some articles online about this and it’s a very bad thing actually. I just find it incredibly rude, and she will do it even when I’m talking to her.
– on the back of being on her phone too much, she would also be on her phone in bed, when i’m trying to cuddle with her. She’s be rolled over as the “small spoon” on her phone, while i’m behind her just enjoying cuddling. I asked her many times not to do this but always got an attitude.
– cursing at me. This happened many times, normally when drunk, but I always hated it and told her many times not to do it any more. She’d go as far as saying “f*ck you” and “f*ck off” when I literally did not do anything wrong. At the most, I would express how I feel about something and she’d blow up. I won’t tolerate that for the rest of my life as I feel that people in love should never say that to each other. I never have and never will say those phrases to anyone, doesn’t matter what the reason.
– some family issues where she doesn’t always show interest in doing things with my family. This is going to differ with everyone’s opinions, but she would always either complain about doing something with my family, or want to speed things up. She would always use the excuse that we had to go home to feed our dog to get out early of family activities. I was blind and always went along with it. She has yet to overnight in a house or hotel with my family, yet i’ve probably spend 20 nights with her family, as many as 8 nights in a row on a cruise. I never complained about it, heck I enjoy it. My family is the most easy-going family in the world and there is no drama. It’s been a concern that she would always do this.
– there are a couple minor things, but the 4 reasons above are good enough to make me feel like crap
We still live together of course, but haven’t shared a bed in a week (if I remember correctly?). I thought things were improving about 5 days ago when she apologized for acting “bitchy”. She also comforted me because I was sick, and still have a nice cold. That made me feel good inside.
Since then it’s gone back to the way it has been for a couple weeks now. I’m mentally and financially preparing for things to be over as I’ll need to get an apartment of my own. I’d rather not move back with my parents! It sure as hell feels like it’s done. I’m sort of waiting for her to end it.
I’d like to think we can be friends at some point, but we all know how that goes. We still say I love you every morning and night, and kiss eachother goodbye in the morning and goodnight each day.
One of my ex-groomsmen is getting married in a week and we were of course invited to the wedding. What are the chances that she wants to go with me? Maybe give all of this one last shot?
EDIT: I forgot to add an important point. I have greatly improved household duties and asking her about work, personal life, etc. She is giving signs of resentment because she will say “i don’t know if you’re doing this because you care, or just because you have to or i asked you to”. That right there tells me that she is completely checked out. If she can’t get that out of her head, it will never work.