(Closed) Help! My friend is walking over my wedding while planning hers :-(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

Who cares? Your wedding is first, so if she totally rips off your ideas, everyone will see it at yours first. Besides, having someone else use your ideas doesn’t make them any less yours. Why let someone else ruin something you’re happy about?

One of my close friends is getting married in October (I’m in June) and she’s using a few of my ideas and vendors, but so what – I stole a bunch of my ideas off the internets! It won’t make my (or her) wedding any less fun. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

First, how close are the things she’s doing?  Like, if she decided she also wanted to do a pink and green color combo  (for example) that’s not such a big deal, people have things like that happen all the time.  However if she decided that she was also going to do pink gerbera daises with green apples in high/low vases tied with pink polka dot ribbon for centerpieces, or something really specific like that, then I would say you could be upset.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do to stop her, but I wouldn’t tell her anything else about your wedding at all.  The people who matter to you will know that you were engaged first, and that these were your ideas.  You are two different people and your weddings will be as different as you are.  If she’s really trying to copy you and it isn’t just a coincidence, the just feel sorry for her that she can’t figure out her own style.

Post # 5
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

sweetadelinexo- kieshamichaels wedding is not first.. It’s in Jan 2011, while her friend’s wedding is in July 2010, five months prior to hers.

I second greenleafmountain… and in addition to that since your wedding is still 10ish months away… I would say probably you might changed your mind about colors, also.  It happens to many people.

If you really want to talk to her about it maybe you could play it off as a side comment the next time she brings up something she’s doing that you’re also doing.

On the bright side, your wedding being a destination wedding will make them look pretty different! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

you should probably stop shareing your ideas.  my girlfriend had this happen with her sister who got engaged and stole her entire wedding.  it was horrible. 

Post # 7
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Oh this is tough. I have pretty close to the same situation, my Maid/Matron of Honor is getting married in June. There are some things that she has decided to use that I have incorporated into my wedding. There were a couple of things that I thought “but that was MY idea”, I’m a little more creative so I decided to go ahead and change them a little so they’re “mine” still, but trying (i emphasize the word: trying) to see that it’s flattering that she is using my ideas. The other thing I would suggest trying to do is suggest other ideas or options, say “well I wouldn’t want ours to be too similar, what do you think about option b, or option c?”. Sometimes it’s hard to be very blunt because weddings are so sensitive and personal. If that doesn’t work consider posting your ideas here on wedding bee and we can give you ideas on how you can keep the basic idea but possibly change it to be more “you”. Good luck!!!

Post # 8
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

Oh snap! I misread that. Sorry!

Post # 9
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think that considering your weddings are in opposite seasons, it will be hard for her to copycat your wedding too much.  She may choose pink and green, but maybe she chose fushia and emerald and you chose baby pink and apple?  Both weddings will look very different, even if she tried to copy every last detail.  But for now, I think you should stop sharing anything with her or give her only vague answers about your wedding.  Or redirect so that everytime she asks about something you’re doing, you turn it into a question about her:

Friend: “So have you decided on a font for your invitations?”
You: “We’re going back and forth between a couple of things…what are you doing as your font?  Have you chosen a layout?”

This puts the pressure on her to make all her decisions first.  And even after she supposedly makes a decision, I still wouldn’t share info about your wedding.  Until hers is done and over, she’s likely to ride all your hard work.  Sounds like she’s just lazy really.  I mean copying the invitations?  Really?  Girl, get your own wedding!

Post # 11
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have been like an FBI agent with my wedding details. TOP SECRET. I haven’t shared much. I am having a destination wedding as well, followed by a “post” wedding party when we return home. In your case, I think less is best. Nothing like a idea snatcher!

Since I’ve been posting here, I found myself not talking to about my wedding as much. Not even to my guy. This is a great outlet. So freeing.

Post # 12
Member
826 posts
Busy bee

ive had a similar problem with a friend but i decided to stop sharing her my ideas and now shes asking me about my wedding and i told her that i have decided to change details so im hoping that she forgets what my ideas are. Its tough because it seems like a competition on whose going to have the better wedding. Although i havent shared the detals of my dress she does inquire about that all the time.

Post # 13
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

This sounds like a really lame situation! On one hand you want to share ideas & get feedback from your friend but on the other hand you don’t want her to take your ideas. I agree with the other bee’s that since your weddings are in different seasons and different venues that even if there are some details that are similar and even some that are the same, your wedding will still be unique & beautiful!

Post # 14
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I like what Ms. Saphire wrote!  Don’t share any more details with her and let her make decisions.

I also wouldn’t worry about having the same colors.  How many color combinations are out there?  And, just because you both may be doing navy and yellow (or whatever) does not mean it will be the same wedding.

Post # 15
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I wouldn’t worry about it too much – there are 6 months difference between your weddings and they will be held in completely different locations.  

Post # 16
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

She may not realise that what she’s doing is bothering you or why it would. Like you said, she seems ‘naive’ to you when you bring it up.

Maybe her personal tastes are very similar to yours, or maybe some of the things you’re planning are really inspiring to her. Is it a possibility that perhaps she may have had some inkling of an idea of what she wanted before she was even engaged? Lots of women plan their weddings to a T years before the weddings actually happen.

It can be upsetting to not have your big day be special and unique and nothing like anyone elses… but the fact of the matter is that weddings all over the world can be similar, whether through fluke or purposeful planning.

If it really does bother you, [echoes] stop idea/plan sharing, or if you can’t just ‘cut her out’ make something up.

Besides, the wedding isn’t about the invites, colours, flowers favors etc, it’s about you and your Fiance getting married. [Although all that other stuff sure can be nice].

 

 

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