(Closed) Help! My future bro/sis in law set their date two weeks before ours!

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do we talk to them about it?
    No, keep your mouth shut : (91 votes)
    70 %
    Yes! Tell them !! : (39 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    498 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    You get one day. Not a month.

    Post # 3
    Member
    1908 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    View original reply
    Clove86:  It is NOT rude and disrespectful… they are allowed to chose whatever date they wish. As for the cost concern, talk about this as things approach. “I am sorry, we will not be able to help with this event with our wedding planning as well.”

    Surely, you are all adult enough to understand each other will have to save for their own wedding. Your having a wedding not a “who can spend more party”. Be calm and talk to each other as needed over the year during planning.

    Post # 4
    Member
    621 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    It’s 2015 — both weddings is in 2017… so you all have 2 years to save up… 

    It’s not a big deal — seriously. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    940 posts
    Busy bee

    There’s literally nothing you can do about it. Take some time to calm yourself down and let it go. Everything will be ok. As PP stated you get a day, others shouldn’t put their lives on hold because it might fall within specific time fRams.

    Post # 6
    Member
    8940 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    Clove86:  You’re seeing now why it’s silly to try to plan your life events around other people’s life events. There was no reason to postpone your engagement until after your sister’s wedding. There is no reason for your Future Brother-In-Law to postpone his wedding until after yours. Shit happens. I understand why you’re upset but they aren’t doing anything wrong just like you and yor fiance wouldn’t have been doing anything wrong if he’d proposed sooner.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2180 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    Clove86:  The time to bring up any concerns regarding cost or family stress was at that brunch. I assume you made your date known beforehand? You’ve got two whole years to plan, I wouldn’t worry too much–sounds like your in laws need not worry either if you’re “paying for the whole darn thing.”

    Post # 8
    Member
    102 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I know you’re going to get a bit of flack but I wanted to say that I understand. I was given a hard time by my in laws as they didn’t want my husband and I to have our wedding too close to theirs (his brother and sister in law who are younger, dated for less time but got engaged before us). We waited an extra 9+ months before having our wedding because family on his side wouldn’t travel back for our wedding and some other logistical issues came up. But if this isn’t an issue there is always a workaround, I believe, when it comes to money. Feel free to PM because I don’t want to go into detail on the board but willing to be another voice of reason/ work through this with you! 🙂 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2087 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I could understand your upset if it was like, the day before or something, but it’s two weeks before! And two years away! You can’t figure out cost and scheduling in that time?

    You didn’t have to postpone your engagement out of “respect” for your sister, you chose to. Nor does your SIL have to postpone their own wedding for yours. 

    My question is what amount of time wouldn’t be seen as “disrespectful” to you? A month? Three? A year? You get a day, get over it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    You can’t expect other people to plan their lives around your wedding. Relax, and happy planning!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    Clove86:  I don’t think that it’s rude or disrespectful, and there will most probably be a good reason for why they chose this date. Did they know about your date?

    If they did know about your date, and if you have a good relationship and you can trust yourself not to them that you think they’re rude and disrespectful (which, like I said, I don’t think they are), I would maybe just ask them very kindly how come they chose that specific date. I would not phrase it as “why did you pick just two weeks before us” though, because that sounds a little rude.

    But, like other people have said, you can’t tell them not to get married that day. You get one day that is all yours, and if they were getting married the day before or after, I’d understand that you’d be unhappy, but we’re talking weeks here.

    Anyway, I hope it all works out for you.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1980 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I understand it’s inconvenient for you, but you are a few guests out of many. You have plenty of time to save and prepare.

    Post # 13
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Lol, so what is off limits to you? The whole month before and after your wedding?

    Post # 15
    Member
    1565 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I actually understand your having some concerns. Will any family members have to travel for your weddings? If so, will they be able or willing to make the same trip twice in such a short time? If that’s an issue, I would bring it up with them now hopefully before they book anything. I’m not sure what the solution would be, though.

    As for the money issue, start saving now for their wedding as well as yours. It sucks but I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it work. A small deposit into a savings account every month starting now will add up by 2017.

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