(Closed) Help! My future bro/sis in law set their date two weeks before ours!

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do we talk to them about it?
    No, keep your mouth shut : (91 votes)
    70 %
    Yes! Tell them !! : (39 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 16
    431 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I do think it’s disrespectful. But, is it going to be a formal wedding like yours? the guest list for that side of the family will be the same…and two weeks apart, it’s not going to have the same excitement. Also, for those having to travel, they will most likely choose one over the other.

    also, it is a financial hardship to have them so close for you and his parents. i know someone who’s sons are getting married 6 months apart and it is not easy!

    Now, there are pros to this….everything that doesn’t go quite right in the first wedding, you can make sure doesn’t happen at yours! 😏

    i would sit down and talk about this with them though…maybe they are having a smaller wedding, maybe they didn’t think it through, etc. But, if they don’t move it, get over it! It will not ruin your day! so don’t let yourself be dragged down because of it. This is a very special time, make sure you enjoy it.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  SweetShe.
    Post # 18
    48 posts
    • Wedding: August 2016 - Lodge on the lake

    I would be annoyed and I’m totally of the mindset that it’s only one day. If it was a friend I probably wouldnt say anything but since it’s an immediate family memeber I say go for it. I think it’s totally fair to discuss it with them, especially for family members and friends that have to travel. 

    And I personally think having pizza the night before your wedding is totally fine. Or maybe a BBQ to cut costs?

    Post # 19
    724 posts
    Busy bee

    I may be in the minority here, but I think you should talk to them ASAP. It sounds like they just choose their date so it might not be set in stone yet, but it will be soon so the sooner you talk the better.

    This isn’t about “you only get one day” (which I think is an odd idea anyways). Having two weddings so close in the immediete family will have negative effects on both weddings. People will find it hard to get time off for two weddings so close together, some won’t be able to afford it and  people will be comparing everything (which is probably unavoidable, but still). I would hate having to choose between two brothers weddings to attend because my schedule/finances will only let me attend one.

    Post # 20
    297 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    If it’s an issue for you and your Fiance and his family, then it is something that should be discussed with them. Express your feelings about finances and that it will be difficult to fund the money for both their and your wedding. It doesn’t have to just come from you, your Fiance and his family can also express their concerns so they understand how it is affecting the family. I don’t think it’s rude at all for you to say something, if anything it was rude of your in laws to set their date so close to yours without talking to you first. I’m sure they’ll be understanding of the situation, otherwise their family won’t be as excited as they should be for their wedding day.

    Post # 22
    766 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    Clove86:  The whole “you get one day” thing is silly when it comes to close relatives.  The reality is, weddings are a big commitment for families, especially for immediate families, but extended as well.  And it’s not just about money, it’s about time and energy too.  If my Darling Husband or I had a sibling who got married two weeks before or after us, it would be very stressful on our immediate families, and our extended families would have to make tough choices.  So in that sense, I do think it’s a pretty selfish choice.

    However. I think as the bride, coming from the other side of the family, you should not be the one to express this concern to your FSIL/BIL.  I would talk to your in-laws, and hopefully since they already have concerns about money, they can address this and some of the other concerns above as well.  And if they stick to their guns, just try to be as gracious as possible about it.  It kind of sucks, but you have a long road ahead as relatives, so don’t let your relationship get ruined at the very beginning.

    Post # 23
    8771 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    Clove86:  unfortunately you can’t say anything. BUT I do think your fiance’s parents can say “hey son, we’re already planning a rehearsal dinner for your brother around that time and it’s going to be a lot on us to try to do both.” 

    Post # 24
    47294 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I voted not to talk with them, but only because I don’t think it will do any good. The whole “you only get one day” crowd has already surfaced, and sometimes I am part of that same group, but in this case I think they are being inconsiderate, not only to the two of you but to both families.

    I think there will be many family members who will not appreciate having to travel twice in two weeks, or in fact, will be unable to do so, putting them in the position of having to choose which wedding to attend.

    It is also inconsiderate to you and your Fiance who now will have another outlay of $$ right beofre your wedding.

    Post # 25
    1776 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I’d change my date to two weeks before theirs. But that’s pretty much a jerky thing to do lol.

    Post # 26
    1565 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    In that case I’d say definitely talk to them! But then I’m one for open communication whenever possible. It’s entirely possible they haven’t thought of the money or other complications that picking a date so close to yours could cause. I live a few hours from Cape May and it’s a beautiful place! I’m sure your wedding there will be amazing.

    Post # 27
    1245 posts
    Bumble bee

    I understand your concerns!  SO and I will get married this fall (it’s our second wedding) at city hall probably. We could wait until next spring and have a nicer ceremony/bigger party but his sister is getting married in July. It’s her first wedding and she deserves the spotlight! If it were my first wedding I would DEFINITELY not want to get married the same season as her… preferably not even the same year!

    So I get it! You both deserve the time before to enjoy being engaged, your showers, your parties and get togethers with friends and family. It’s not just stressful on you but the joint family who has to maybe travel and afford two weddings. 

    Have they booked already? I can understand it being a tough sitaution and I don’t have much advice!

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  robynrox47.
    Post # 28
    328 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    As the in-law, I wouldn’t talk to them myself, but either your husband or his parents needs to speak with them ASAP. Two immediate family members getting married within two weeks of each other, right around the 4th of July nonetheless, is likely to be a logistical nightmare for a lot of your guests. Those who don’t have Monday-Friday jobs will need to try to take off two weekends near a holiday. Those who are saying you only have one day are being harsh. Of course that’s true, but in this case I think it’s more of the need to be considerate of potential guests.

    Post # 30
    390 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I totally get your frustration and I am kind of living it as well.  We are getting married Oct. 10, 2015 and just found out my Fiance step dad is getting married (mom passed away a year ago) on Sept. 26, 2015.  I posted about it because Fiance was upset (still is) about the whole  thing.  It is a little different case but I wish they had picked a different date, a little farther out than ours. We set our date last August and they weren’t even dating then!!  


    PM me if you just need to vent!

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