(Closed) Help! My future bro/sis in law set their date two weeks before ours!

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do we talk to them about it?
    No, keep your mouth shut : (91 votes)
    70 %
    Yes! Tell them !! : (39 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    View original reply
    LemonJack:  Totally second you. It is the place of your future in-laws or groom to speak with Future Brother-In-Law. Having two summer weddings so close together is hard, especially if there will be guests attending both wedding who will have to travel. 

     

    View original reply
    Clove86:  Solution: Double wedding. JK. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee

    Is your Fiance close with his brother? I’d get him to talk to him. As a guest, I wouldn’t be so happy about having two weddings so close together, when I’d have to travel.

    Is it a possibility of moving your date if they won’t budge? It sucks because you had it booked first, but I would almost be tempted just for less stress. I would move up the wedding to a closer date if possible. 

    ETA: Oops, saw that’s not possible. 

    Also, I just thought of this… I guess they won’t be taking a honeymoon right after the wedding? Or they won’t be going for a long honeymoon?

    Post # 33
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I am all about you get one day, not a month, year, week, etc…UNLESS immediately family is involved.  The financial strain this puts on immediately family members is just ridiculous.  I can definitely see why you are upset. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    7054 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I agree that you do get just one day and there is really nothing you can say–but–I also believe it is very inconsiderate of your FI’s family for them to schedule their wedding so close to yours. I hope it all works out.

    Post # 35
    Member
    3064 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    Clove86:  UGH I cant even imagine 2 family weddings in 2 weeks! I would absolutely talk to your inlaws and have them speak to your BIL- everyone  will be so tired and so worn out they wont be able to enjoy both days. 

    Seriously. My Brother and Sister got married one month apart and that was crazy enough- I couldnt imagine two weeks. Seriously. And you have all the showers and parties…they really (out of respect for  you and your inlaws) should reconsider

    Anyone who says “you get one day” obviously has never been in two weddings so close together. Not to mention one will be your own! The financial strain will be felt by all their extended family too. Selfish and inconsiderate. Atleast give people a month or two to re group.

    I am angry for you! See in my family my mom and dad were like really, a month apart but by at that point my brother and SIL had been dating 9 years and they wanted to get married in her hometown so it made most sense to do it in the fall and they didnt want to wait a whole other year. HAd they said ‘ 2 weeks after ( my sisters) wedding) My parents would have absolutely asked them to reconsider without hesitation, as would my sister and Brother-In-Law

    SO rude!

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
    Post # 36
    Member
    992 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m actually a little surprised how many people are so firmly in the “you get one day” camp that they can’t see (or choose to ignore) the issues that may arise when two people in the same immediate family end up with wedding dates so close together. It’s not as if you’re upset because you don’t want people comparing your weddings or that you think their wedding will someone detract from the special-ness of your day…there are likely to be financial constraints (on both you AND the guests) that make having two weddings so close together difficult.

    When I had a cousin get engaged (after 3 months of dating) and scheduled her wedding for the same week as mine, my own grandmother called to let me know that because she can’t afford to attend two weddings so close together, she’d likely not be making the trip to attend mine. In the end, the cousin’s engagement fell through, but if it hadn’t I would likely have had many family members who wouldn’t have been able to attend as a result.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1585 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I do think it is inconsiderate, but not towards you. If I were a family member knowing I would have to take time off work and pay for my own travel to both your weddings back to back, I’d be annoyed with them.

    Post # 38
    Member
    306 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    If I were invited to both weddings, I unfortunately, would have to choose.  So I see your dilemma but I think the place to start would be with your Fiance and his family talking about it with the brother.  Is it possible with your wedding 2 years away they forgot the date or just didn’t realize?  About the pizza rehearsal….my sister did that and it was great!  She ordered a bunch of different pizzas and it was a very casual and laid back affair!  I know you said it in jest, but it isn’t such a bad idea 🙂

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    479 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    Yes it sucks but what can you do? Make them change their date?? I would be bummed but never enough to bring it up. What would you even say?

    I know 2 other people that also got engaged right after us and are getting married before us.  

    There isn’t much you can do. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    1585 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    View original reply
    starcitylady:  That’s what I was thinking in my reply. I would personally be inclined to go to the OP’s wedding knowing they chose their date first, but not everyone will know that. But I would still want the bro/sis in law to have a great wedding with all their guests and family too. Just seems like it would be in both couples’ best interests to have the dates not so close together.

    Post # 41
    Member
    3064 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    wonderlily:  Its inconsiderate for her fiance for sure!!!

    Post # 42
    Member
    7897 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    If both of you will be inviting a lot of family members who will have to travel far to reach your weddings, I can see how it could be a logistical nightmare. Rather than just complaining that their date is too close to yours, it might be helpful to know why they chose a date so close to yours.

    You might be able to find a way to encourage them to change it since it’s still far away. Alternatively, circumstances might change where they have to change the date for other reasons. Since it’s your FI’s brother that’s getting married, he might not even realize that how cumbersome it can be to have such close weddings. His fiancee might not even know about the timing, and if she does learn about it, she might not be too pleased, which would solve your issue.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3585 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    Clove86:  you have 2 years to figure it all out.  Enough to save a little for groomsmen expenses if they are not being paid. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    View original reply
    Clove86:  I think I’m in the minority but you should talk to them. Is not like is a distant cousin that is getting married, is your fiance’s brother. Not because you need to have a whole month dedicated to your wedding. BUT it is a financial burden for your FH and for the family. I think the logistics of it could be problematic. As a pp mentioned, if guests are traveling they might only be able to make one of the weddings. Weddings are expensive, even for guest, some of your family and friends might struggle to provide a gift for both couples, specially if monetary gift  is expected. I was just shopping for my mom’s dress and another mother came in complaining that she needed to get 2 dresses, as both of her sons were getting married the same month. It would just be easier for the planning of both events to have more space in between. I would talk to them, or could you change your date? 

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