(Closed) Help! My future bro/sis in law set their date two weeks before ours!

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do we talk to them about it?
    No, keep your mouth shut : (91 votes)
    70 %
    Yes! Tell them !! : (39 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    229 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

    Clove86:  To me that’s just wrong. I would’ve said something but that’s just me. My fiance and I were just talking about how messed up it would be if his brother did that to us. He thinks that it’s messed up too. Our main concern was the family because we’re having a destination wedding. But I’m just the type of person that really consider other people’s feelings. I changed my wedding date because it landed on my niece’s birthday (My niece was born on the date of my aniversary). So I expect people to take me into consideration too. When people are in that situation is that they realize how messed up it is. Not only for you, for the family too. Sorry 🙁

    Post # 47
    Member
    2092 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I would talk to them before they start putting down deposits too and let your Fiance be involved, perhaps he may be able to convince them to change their date a little longer apart. Talk about family members they were planning to invite and talk about the fact family may have to travel twice or take extra time off of work which can be difficult. I personally am on the side where I feel it’s inconsiderate to pick a date only 2 weeks before being that they are family. I hope you get something worked out, if not try to make the best of it. Best of luck!

    Post # 48
    Member
    5950 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Clove86:  I get your frustration and understand your issues, but what I’m failing to see here is any understanding or empathy for the other couple’s situation…

    I always encourage people to take a hard look at the situation from the other party’s perspective BEFORE opening a dialog.

    You say it would have been more respectful for them to at least space it out a month, and I just don’t see how any of this is even about you or your wedding least of all respect.

    They found a place and a date that works for them, I’m certain your nuptuals were completely absent from the decision.

    If cost is an issue, be honest about your Fiance not being able to afford to be in the wedding…same goes with time.  Everyone needs to understand everyone else’s situation here….but as for some big family meeting where this other couple completely alters any plans they’ve already made out of deference to you???  Don’t get your heart set on it, best case scenario, some compromises are going to be made and everyone gets on down the road.

    Post # 49
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee

    I don’t think the “YOU ONLY GET ONE DAY” advice applies here at all.

    It IS rude of them, if me and my sister had pulled that my mother would have put a stop to it quick. Hopefully they will reconsider their date.

    It’s not about being a special pretty princess with all the attention, it’s about being rude to your guests. My whole family would be talking about that and not in  a good way!

    Post # 50
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee

    I know a lot of people are of the mindset “you only get one day,” but that doens’t always apply. If this was a friend or different relative, I’d say suck it up. However, with the couple being immediate family, I completely get it. Not only id it placing more financial stress on your fiance’s family, but some guests will probaly have to choose between which to attend which wedding to attend, and most people who have to choose will go with the first wedding. Why did they pick this date. With that timeframe before the wedding, I’m sure there would be at least one other weekend that works. Maybe your fiance should mention talk with his brother about it. I know if one of my sisters or a first cousin did this, I’d go straight to them to find out. Then again, I have a large family who considers it extremely rude to have a wedding within two months of another family members because of financial aspects.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It’s certainly inconvenient for your FI’s family if there is any travel involved. But moving it any earlier will not make a difference with regard to your expenses. The money would have to be saved for use Beira your wedding. So, are you saying their wedding has to be after or your Fiance can’t be in the wedding?

     

    Post # 52
    Member
    2406 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    I totally agree you should be pissed. It is very stupid of them to do that.

    I think someone should talk to them about it, but it shouldn’t be you. If there is no one else, then there is no hope for it.

    Post # 53
    Member
    75 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I can see it being frustrating and you having some concerns, but at the end of the day, at least it’s just not one week apart. Knowing summer is always crazy with weddings, it’s understandable that you’d have another wedding to attend.

    But I do understand it being annoying and putting a kink in your plans completely – I just wouldn’t make a big stink over it. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    No offense but it’s kind of ironic to get upset about the financial burden your family member’s wedding is causing when you’re making everyone travel  hours away and have to get a hotel, request extra time off, spend money on gas, etc.

     

    If you decide to talk to them about their date choice, then you should be prepared to respond to this issue if they bring it up, because if somebody having a mini destination wedding brought something like that up to me, I’d be pissed myself. 

    I understand your frustration, I’ve been in a couple weddings with this issue, and it’s not fun. I get why you wanted to wait for your sister too. My Fiance and I kind of waited out of courtesy as well. He proposed towards the end of my sisters engagement and we picked a day far off as well.

    You’re just gonna have to accept that not everyone has that kind of mindset.

     

    Post # 55
    Member
    516 posts
    Busy bee

    OP, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel upset and anxious about this. I don’t recall reading that they knew about your date, but the overall conversation assumes that they did. This means that your Future Brother-In-Law is being a shitty brother and son, in my opinion.

    THAT SAID, I agree with pps who say there’s nothing you can do about it. Both of you (couples) have limitations on venue availability. Both of you are probably setting dates so far out due to finances. Both brides deserve to have the wedding dates that you want!

    If there is a conversation, I don’t think it should be about changing their date. I think instead it should be about getting creative and finding ways to make it financially viable for both Fiance and Future Brother-In-Law, since that’s your main concern. The parents should be included in the discussion, too.

    Here’s a sneaky little suggestion, though: set up your wedding website asap, and your Save-The-Date Cards. Yes, it’s so far away that people might eye-roll, but beat them to the punch so people commit to your event before theirs!

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