(Closed) HELP my grandma made my dress and I don't like it. (Long post)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

A truly sentimental people-pleasing person would choose grandma’s dress over mass produced “dream dress” in a heartbeat, so you should probably stop describing yourself in this way. 

Post # 77
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

Model them both for grandma and mom together and make a joint decision with full disclosure about considering all feelings and effort put in.  Grandma may not know your whole story behind the new dress.  I sew and I know I could never match that dress and you look about 3 sizes smaller and so ethereal in it, surely they will see that too and the pain the decision is causing you too

Post # 78
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

Just to add,  the neckline trim on grandma’s dress has stretched out the lace and has ruffled the neckline and is not lying flat,  as a seamstress this would not be ok with me along with. The crunchy look of the bodice.  Grandma should be able to see these things.  I guess I am on the side of the store dress.  Expecting grandma to understand.  Grandmas are grown adult people too.

Post # 79
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

What I don’t understand is, as the bought dress looks nothing like Grandma’s dress, surely Grandma should have known that the dress was too complicated for her to make?? If I were Grandma, I would have said ”Sorry honey, I don’t think I can make that dress as well as you would like, so why don’t you buy the store dress? If you like I can make you another special dress to change into / wear at the rehersal dinner / on the first day of your honeymoon. I mean, surely Grandma as an adult should be able to judge her own dress-making abilities? That dress honestly looks homemade and is unflattering on you. I do think it was also very much your mistake for involving your family in your wedding. My Grandma offered to make my dress and I suggested she do the flowers instead, because I was worried about that exact same thing happening to me. When you have an exact vision then it’s risky to let anyone other than a professional do it. I would stick with your compromise and Grandma will have to deal with it 🙁

Post # 80
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

amanda3334455 :  Totally agree with this. People are forgetting she’s an adult and is capable of judging her own dressmaking skills. No offense, but I don’t know how she thought mixing the two whites, or rather the white and cream fabric would look bridal.  The inspo pic the bride showed her grandma looked nothing like the dress her grandma made. She wanted lace and flowy, and the dress that came out was neither. In a sense her grandma was totally disregarding what the bride wanted to wear. Sure you can put all the sentimental pieces together, but that doesn’t mean it’ll always look good.

Post # 81
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

It’s hard to say how you feel, I don’t think it was kind on your grandmother’s part to not understand how you felt. She most likely knows how you are with being a people pleaser. 

I think it was good to be open and honest with her. Because one way or another someone may resent the other if you didn’t speak out.

I personally have a severe case of anxiety so if wore something that i didn’t feel okay in, i’d be falling apart and my whole day would be ruined for me.

It’s most important that you remember it’s yours and your FI’s day, not anyone elses. Its one of the few times in life you actually get to put yourself completely first and not have to compromise.

Post # 82
Member
771 posts
Busy bee

I’m really sorry, bee, this is one tough decision. I can’t help but think it’s such a mistake to involve other people in something so important as your dress but what is done is done. I couldn’t wear that first dress either and I don’t think you’re horrible for hating it. What does your mum say about all this? I’d get her on side first and then both of you tackle grandma. 

Post # 83
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

Wear the bhldn dress!

Post # 84
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Maybe I’m in the minority here but I think Grandma’s dress is hideous. It’s two different colors – the white makes the cream look yellow – and it does not fit OP at all, it’s basically a lumpy potato sack. Either take it to someone who knows what they’re doing so it at least fits properly, or wear another dress. 

Post # 85
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I don’t blame you… I wouldn’t want to wear a dress I didn’t love either.  And honestly, grams is being a bit childish about it by saying it was all or nothing regarding the wearing of the dress she made.  Wear the dress you WANT to wear.  It’s YOUR wedding.  You will regret it if you stick with gram’s dress just to please her.  She’s already had her wedding… have yours. 

Post # 86
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

nightborn :  You’re not in the minority.  It’s bad.  Really bad.

Post # 87
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think that your solution was more than reasonable. You don’t feel like a bride in the dress she made you, and even though it hurts her feelings, she should understand where you’re coming from. I don’t think you should get married in a dress that you don’t like. You will forever look back on the pictures of the day and think about how you don’t like the dress. Maybe you could wear the dress she made for the rehearsal dinner and not shorten it.

Post # 88
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I think if the bodice was fitted and some tulle in the same ivory shade as the bodice was added and pleated at the waistband the way the BHLD dress is, it would be very pretty. It has potential. 

Post # 90
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

The dress your grandma made looks awful and cheap – like a bad rip off from China. The fabrics don’t match and it looks cheap and frumpy. Sorry.

I have the same dress from BHLDN and I feel like a squillion $$ in it – it’s such a beautiful dress.

i think you’ll remember the disappointment of looking like crap on your wedding day much longer than the difficult conversation about not wearing your grandmas dress will be. I think your compromise of wearing it to the rehearsal or as a going away dress is fine and if she’s going to get butt hurt about it, then she’s just being manipulative and make it all about her. Would you be happy with a big picture of you hanging on the wall wearing that dress for the rest of your life?! I doubt it.

Grandma will get over it. You’ve given her a compromise, she’s had her wedding, it’s your day to look and feel beautiful and remember the day for good things, not because you felt like you needed to be a people pleaser and wear a dress that does not look nice.

The topic ‘HELP my grandma made my dress and I don't like it. (Long post)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors