(Closed) HELP my grandma made my dress and I don't like it. (Long post)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 91
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m sorry but I’m a big believer that you reap what you sow/sew *pun intended*

You asked your 80 yr old Grandma to make this dress, knowing that she was doing you a favour and that she isn’t an expert dressmaker. What did you expect?

If you wanted the designer store bridal dress experience you should have paid for it in the first place.

WOW some of you are cold to Grandma.

Post # 92
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

minniegrace :  Yeah I’m going have to second this. It’s not people pleasing to put others to work for free, then dismiss their efforts. I’m sure literally nobody wanted to put in all that work but they did it because they love you. I’m a photographer, I’ve done free weddings and it’s not something that I love doing because I like making money for my work, but I’ll do it for someone I care about. 

Post # 93
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

MrsKing212 :  I do feel bad that grandma is upset….what made me mad at grandma is that grandma agreed to the idea of shortening the dress then backs out on her agreement and calls up the bride and gets her upset. Call me silly, but doesn’t sound like very mature behavior on her part either.

I still think that the bride can wear it for going away, it may not be terribly pleasing to eye in these pictures, but I bet with a little photo magic, making the get away pictures black and white, wear a nice hat, I bet the dress could do very nicely. I just feel that  it’s very important for a bride to feel beautiful on her walk down the aisle. They both took a chance of The bride not caring for the dress once it’s done, sometimes that happens.

I think everyone probably feels that grandmas feelings should be considered as much as possible, but I don’t think grandma is going to feel good if she realizes down the road that her grandaughter was unhappy on her wedding day! I can’t imagine that being a favor to grandma! It’s a wedding, it’s hard to keep anyone happy, you do your best.

 

 

Post # 94
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

any updates yet on how mom feels about her dress being cut up or did I miss that? 🙂

Post # 95
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

lovingbrideforever :  I disagree that was immature. I think she was probably taken by surprise and wasn’t sure what to say to the OP until later when she’d collected her thoughts. 

Post # 96
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

MrsKing212 :  maybe so, but it’s not like it helped the situation either. Even if grandma doesn’t want to be the one to shorten it (admit not sure if I would either) she really doesn’t have the final say on the idea of ‘wear it all day or not at all’

No matter what, doesn’t sound like this is going to go easily. :/

 

Post # 97
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Team Grandma’s dress with professional alterations, and maybe a tulle overlay.  It is not as bad as so many PP are stating — the hyperbole is ridiculous.  I actually like the style of Grandma’s dress better than the other dress, if it fit right.

And yea, it’s totally self-absorbed and boorish to ask Grandma for such a huge and unrealistic favor, and then to diss it for not being perfect.  You are NOT a people pleaser.

Post # 98
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

MrsKing212 :  All of this.

I keep on going back to those photos and the store-bought dress is just…trendy.  Like that style and that trend is so in right now, but I doubt it will be in 10 years.  I know you love that dress…but I am sure you could find a way to make grandma’s dress work.  I LOVE the idea of a tulle skirt over the top of the current skirt.

Post # 99
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

aswei12034 :  can you wear your preferred dress for the wedding and then gmas dress for the reception? 

That is a really tough situation

Post # 101
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I posted on the other post but seems like this one is the main one and I’ll expand on this a bit since I see a lot of people being pretty harsh to your grandma just because you’re a bride:

You put yourself in a corner here. There’s no way to win. You shouldn’t have asked for free labor. That’s not being a people pleaser, that’s taking advantage of your loved ones. Not ok. You asked your grandma to sacrifice time, effort and money (And a sentimental piece from your mothers dress), and then said it wasn’t good enough. Anyone would be devastated in her position. I agree that her dress just doesn’t look good, but she still put a lot of work into it and is now being shoved to the side. She has every reason to be upset. 

You’ve already hurt her feelings, so my only advice is that you can wear the dress from the store, but recognize that she has every right to be mad and stay mad. Just because it’s “Your day” doesn’t mean you forget how to treat the people you love. Just learn for the future to not have high expectations when you get free labor.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, you want people to tell you what you want to feel better about yourself, but some people need to be reminded how to treat others. 

Post # 102
Member
205 posts
Helper bee

Team Grandma all the way! With professional alterations and maybe a flowy skirt. It will be super similar to the original inspiration and way more special than the store dress.

Post # 103
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wouldn’t act like such a people pleaser for accepting free services for a wedding-services that cost A LOT normally. You should have outright bought the dress you wanted and not asked grandma. However, it is your day, and I would hate to wear a dress I hated. Go along with your plan, and wear your dress for ceremony/pics, and grandmas dress for the rehesrsal or reception. Your pics will be forever. Maybe not shorten it though? I do agree at the same time that grandma may be being a tad immature about you not wanting to wear the dress the whole time. Understandably, her feelings are hurt, but she doesn’t need to make you feel bad and give you an ultimatum-wear the dress the whole time or not.

Post # 104
Member
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

amanda3334455 :  I agree. Grandma’s dress certainly isn’t hideous or anything, and certainly has potential with the right tailoring and perhaps an overskirt, but it isn’t anything like the BHLDN dress. I’m not quite sure what happened, was there a miscommunication or did grandma just totally overestimate what she could do? If it’s the latter, it’s not really OP’s fault. She trusted her grandma’s own opinion of her skills. I don’t necessarily think that if you ask someone to make you something you have to use it no matter what. I mean, if I asked my sister to make my invitations and specified a blue and yellow theme with flowers, and she did green and orange balloons, I think I could kindly say ‘I appreciate your effort but that really isn’t what I had communicated to you!’

If OP feels miles more comfortable in the BHLDN dress I think she should wear that one. It was what she wanted all along. It’s a really tough position, especially as the dress was so special with her mother’s lace in it and all. But in the end feeling uncomfortable and disappointed in my wedding outfit could potentially take the sparkle out of the whole day and I just couldn’t compromise on that, even though I know a dress is just a dress. Maybe that’s shallow but it’s true. I think the only thing the OP can do is have another loving and honest conversation with her grandma and try to explain. Wearing the homemade dress for the rehearsal and getaway is the best compromise I can think of, perhaps not cutting it short would also help as at least you would be preserving what she made.

Post # 105
Member
2595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - County courthouse

Wow…that dress doesn’t even look like the inspiration pic. In my honest opinion, your gma is not a professional seamstress. My gma was before she passed away and she would have been embarrassed to present such a dress. Your gma needs to understand that this was not what you wanted and suck it up. Buy another dress. She’s not seamstress material.

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