(Closed) HELP my grandma made my dress and I don't like it. (Long post)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 106
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

 I’m not sure why everyone keeps mentioning that Grandma is not a professional and it’s not professional work, OP knew this and asked her to make the dress anyway. 

Post # 107
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would wear Grandma’s dress. I would not hurt someone’s feelings over a piece of cloth that I wear for 8 hours. Bring it to a seamstress and have some pro tailoring done and call it a day.

Post # 108
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would get grandmas dress fitted and spruced up and wear it. At least for the ceremony. I just couldn’t hurt my grandmas feelings like that after I asked her to make me a dress. She probably put a lot of work, time, and love into it. 

Post # 109
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

sexymama118 :  grandma never promised to be a pro seamstress. She made clothes for her kids years ago, and the OP ASKED her to make the dress.

dying that you think 80 year old grannie is ‘not seamstress material’.

Post # 110
9809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If my grandma spent hours slaving away and making a dress for me I would probably throw myself in front of a train than hurt her feelings. I just couldn’t do it.

Post # 111
5049 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

This is a tough one.  I like the BHLDN dress on you SO much more.  The handmade dress does not resemble the dress you told her you wanted in any way.  I think your solution was fair, wearing your grandmas dress altered as a reception dress.  I would stand my ground with this one.  Plus, if you shorten grandma’s gown you can wear it for other occasions other than just your wedding.

Post # 112
177 posts
Blushing bee

Sorry to say it but the dress your grandma made doesn’t look like something you would want to look at 30 years from now in your wedding photos. 

Post # 113
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011


aswei12034 :   The dress that your grandmother made looks like the dress I bought my 8 yr old goddaughter for her first communion. I think it looks ok for a child, but not for an adult. 

Post # 114
21 posts
  • Wedding: October 2015

So describing yourself as a people pleaser makes me doubt the rest of your story too. Your grandmother clearly didn’t come out of the blue and say “Id love to make your dress” You asked her, and she agreed. Going around asking people to do things for you (things that cost thousands of dollars or tons of hours and come with a high level of stress) has literally nothing to do with being a people pleaser- it is the opposite of that. No at home hobby sewer is going to make a BHLDN dress- you had to have known that. Its like deciding on BBQ for your reception but then going on a bunch of tastings with the best other caterers you could find- why are you still looking? 

Post # 115
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

sexymama118 :  Sorry, must’ve missed the bit where Grandma pretended to be a professional seamstress and begged the OP to let her make her dress.


Post # 116
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

The comments about grandma needing to “suck it up” and deal with it hurt my heart. It’s a valid opinion to tell OP she should still wear her dream dress and find an alternative use for grandma’s. But can we please stop acting like grandma is completely ridiculous for feeling sad and hurt? OP asked her to do something that took a lot of time and attention and was most certainly a labor of love. As everyone keeps pointing out, she’s certainly not a professional, so why we all have to pretend she has no emotions invested in this, I have no idea.

Post # 117
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

What did you decide?

I think you can tweak grandmas dress. It will be perfect!

Post # 118
286 posts
Helper bee

GreenGables :  I COMPLETELY agree. I also can’t believe that people are glossing over the fact that OP’s mother’s wedding dress was CUT UP to make this dress and now she’s not even wearing it! 

Post # 119
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think the dress your grandmother made is beautiful – for the love behind it. My mother in law made my dress for me. It was not traditionally bridal and didn’t fit absolutely perfectly, but she spent hours making it, just for me. She’s gone now, and I wouldn’t change the memory of that for the prettiest dress in the world. My personal opinion is that what it means for your grandmother is way more important than having what you want. That being said, I think you look wonderful in both dresses, and I hope you are happy with whatever you pick! 

Post # 120
3169 posts
Sugar bee

I actually love that dress for the ceremony. If it were me I would forget the other wedding dress and instead find a party dress I loved to change into for dinner – you know, once the sentimental part of the night is over anyway. I was trying to figure out if your Mum is around to speak to her Mother to try to get her to come around to your not wearing the dress for the whole evening. She could explain its really common nowadays and not an insult at all. Personally I would want to wear the dress for at least part of my wedding day, and probably the most important bit – the vows. Good luck! 

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