(Closed) HELP. My grandma made my wedding dress and I don't like it.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

That’s a tough one but if it was me I would wear the dress I loved.  Sorry Grandmom, suck it up old girl. But my grandmother is not very sentimental and wouldn’t be that upset.  She sldo cznt see if cook!

Seriously, what of you saved it and used the material for a christening dress for your first child?  If yours into that kind of thing.

Post # 3
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Wow auto correct fail.  My grandmother can’t cook or sew.  Or clean.  

Post # 4
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

That is a TOUGH call! 

I hate to say it but I would personally suck it up and wear the dress my grandma made me. I know you said it makes you feel self conscious, but it’s never as bad as it seems. Looking back at the photos years from now, seeing yourself if the dress your grandma made will feel so much more special than the one you bought.

Post # 5
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

Eep. That is so tough. On the one hand, the dress didn’t turn out anything like what you had asked for or were expecting. On the other, she did put a lot of time into it.

This is why not to involve family or friends… to many opinions and feelings get involved.

Post # 6
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee

I can totally understand not wanting to hurt your grandma’s feelings, but her comment about ‘if you aren’t going to wear it for the whole wedding then you shouldn’t wear it at all’ is out of line. No one should dictate to the bride what dress she should wear and what time frame.

You have loved the BHLDN dress for a long time. Now you own in! Looking and feeling beautiful on your wedding day is not a vanity moment- it’s your wedding! If your grandma doesn’t want to alter the dress she made (understandable as she probably has already put in a lot of time on it) then that’s fine…. but that shouldn’t force you into wearing a dress that you clearly don’t want to wear.

Post # 7
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I wouldn’t of asked people to help in the first place or to of cut up and used your mothers wedding dress because now you have possibly hurt a bunch of people by saying its not good enough (and its not sentamental involving people its cheap or free labour)

however you also shouldn’t look like crap for other people… you put yourself in an awkward situation and unfortunatly there is no correct way out

Post # 8
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’d stick with the plan.  

“if you’re not gonna wear it for the whole wedding, don’t wear it at all”… she’d rather throw away all her hard work completely?  Sounds like a tantrum to me.

But my grandmother also wouldn’t put me in that situation, or be physically capable of sewing anything, or be mentally present enough to even notice I wasn’t wearing what she’d  made if she did make something, so I’m not really able to say.

Post # 9
Member
33 posts
Newbee

So does the dress your grandma made not look anything like what you showed her? If so, I can understand where you’re coming from to a point. But if it looks very similar I would wear it because she obviously worked SO hard on it and put so much thought into it. I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings by wearing the store bought dress after asking her to make one. 

 

Can we see both of the dresses?

Post # 10
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Would you be willing to post a picture of the dress your grandmother made?

Post # 11
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You say you are a people pleaser so you sked people to create aspects of your wedding that generally are significant and signficantly exoensive. Flowers, cake, dress, all cost money, time and effort. But, you want it on your terms. So, you want to “people please” as long as the end product is to your specific standards. It sounds like a miscommunication in visions of the dress. You painted yourself into a corner here and hope this is a lesson for you in the future. 

Talk some time and breath. Hopefully in a few days you and your grandmother can think a but more clearly and come to a compromise. I understand you want to wear the “dream dress”, but grandmother did take the time and expense to make you somthing only for you to it  is not good enough. 

Post # 12
Member
7683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

aswei12034 :  You will have wedding photos for a long time!  Sounds like you need to wear the BHLDN gown.  Does the gown your grandma made just need to be altered a bit more so it doesn’t make you feel frumpy and childish?  I understand that her feelings are hurt, but I hope that your grandma gets over it, so maybe you could wear it for the reception? I do think the idea of wearing it as a short rehearsal and as a getaway dress is a wonderful compromise. I know you only have 3+ weeks, but maybe in a little time she will be more accepting of that idea, once her shock blows over?  BTW-can we see the dress(es)?

Oh, it looks like there were two posts, and I did see the gowns, but now it looks like that post is the one that is closed.  I think you should get the one grandma made altered a bit, to fit better on the top, and wear it to long to the rehearsal dinner, and getaway dress.  Definitely wear the BHLDN gown for your wedding.  I think you did a good job explaining, compromising.  Also, maybe your mom or dad could help smooth this over with grandma?  

Post # 14
Member
33 posts
Newbee

TheSpecial :  Yes I just saw that and commented on that one too.

 

To reiterate OP I definitely think you should wear the store bought dress instead of the homemade one after seeing it. It just does nothing for you and your grandma should be able to see that. It doesn’t fit well and looks incomplete.

Post # 15
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

You weren’t being kind by asking people to do things for your wedding. You did so because you’re a people pleaser? Are you kidding?! You lucked out!

I’m surprised by some of the responses. I’d be devastated if someone asked me to make them a dress and I’d dedicated all that time and energy to it. And then you found the original dress you wanted and suddenly grandma’s isn’t good enough? Harsh. When you weren’t entirely happy with grandma’s dress you should have asked for alterations. You should have asked for her to make it more flattering. Anything. You hurt her feelings and I can see why.

I should think that the only way you can fix this now is by way of apology. You also need to recognise that people helping you with your wedding puts you in a very blessed position. You are lucky and fortunate. Remember not to act entitled.

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