HELP-My mom does not want MIL to go dress shopping with us

posted 6 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Honestly it sounds like everyone around you is being pretty manipulative. Your Fiance, for putting his mother’s wishes ahead of yours and calling your mom selfish for wanting something different than his mommy. Your mother for resorting to tears and guilt trips. And your Mother-In-Law for asking your Fiance to score her an invitation to dress shopping (who the hell does that — wait to be invited!). Everyone’s behaving badly, I’m sorry to say. If I were you, I’d go once with just my mom and then invite Mother-In-Law on the second outing. You can include Mother-In-Law while still allowing your mom to have that 1 on 1 trip the very first time you go. Mother-In-Law doesn’t have to know that her trip is the second one, just keep it on the DL. If either mom has an issue with this arrangement they’re just incredibly selfish and making your life difficult for no reason. Ditto for your Fiance. 

Post # 32
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper

Assuming you are paying for your own dress it should be your decision who goes wedding dress shopping. It gets muddy as soon as other people’s money is involved. Regardless, did your FH even ask you your preference? If he frequently just sides with whatever his mother wants I’d be concerned. Very concerned.

Post # 33
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

weddingstress06 :  You can’t really undo this, you just need to be direct with her. Decide what YOU want and don’t compromise on that for someone else’s feelings. I learned this the hard way with my wedding dress (I bought one I didn’t really want because everyone else liked it). What you need to do is reach out directly to your Future Mother-In-Law and explain to her that while you deeply appreciate her wanting to be at your dress appointments, it’s something you want to do with just your mom and you just didn’t want to hurt her feelings. There’s a tactful and kind way to be honest and tell someone no. From there it’s her choice how she wants to respond. Your FH was being kind of a dick by interjecting into this decision- it’s YOUR freaking choice and he should respect that. I would tell him to butt out.  

Post # 34
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

weddingstress06 :  You can do what I did! While this was my own wish, I think it would work in your situation. I went around to a few bridal stores with my mom (I think three), until I narrowed it down to the store (and I was 99% sure about the dress too). Then I spoke with the sales lady and let her know I would be back with a larger group to finish trying on, and hopefully purchase the dress. I went back about a month later with my mom, grandmother, sisters, SIL, Mother-In-Law, and best friend. I still tried on about 6-7 dresses, and confirmed that I loved the original one. I ended up purchasing that day, and everyone had the fun of being there when I bought “the one”. (Plus I secrely got to shop without the stress of having everyone’s opinions with my mom) 

Post # 35
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Everyone involved here seems to be weirdly self-absorbed.

Your fiance should not have just assumed he could invite his mother to go dress shopping with you. You should not have agreed to that if it wasn’t what you wanted. Your mother shouldn’t have flipped out over having to “share” a special day. Literally this whole thing is absurd. 

Assuming you actually like your Future Mother-In-Law (not sure, I didn’t read the replies), I’d just go ahead with the plan to go with both mothers and expect your Mom to grow up. If you dislike Future Mother-In-Law and you genuinely don’t want her there, well, you’re gonna have to do some tapdancing because I’m not sure how  to get out of it without hurting her feelings and this is a woman who is, presumably, going to be in your life for decades… 

Post # 36
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I agree that it sounds like there are many parties in the wrong here – your mom, your Mother-In-Law, your Fiance.  I agree with PP that the one person who seems to be missing in these posts is you — what do you want. The one thing wedding planning taught me is that so many people have opinions and your wedding can easily be co-opted by others if you don’t set boundaries.  

Post # 43
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

weddingstress06 : I can imagine lol,  lol that’s better. My Mum is also conservative. I can imagine her side eyeing my choices and saying, you have to cover this and that and stressing me oot. Better they see the gown in church ,lol.

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